Advice on manners and morals.
Feb. 14 1998 3:30 AM

(Continued from Page 1)

--Prudence, defiantly

Advertisement

Dear Prudence,

I am a 50-year-old, blue-collar guy, I work out and take care of myself. I'll never make the cover of a muscle magazine, but I still turn a head now and then.

My wife is 5'4" and weighs about 300 pounds. I told her a few years ago that eventually I would no longer find her sexually attractive. This has long since happened. My wife has told me if she catches me fooling around she will pack up and take the kids.

My kids are why I get up in the morning and the rising sun and joy in my life. Losing them would break my heart. I think about doing something about the ladies that hit on me, but losing my kids is about more than I could face.

And about masturbation, I have calluses where only a warped imagination could imagine. Any bright ideas or suggestions?

--Too Young to Be Celibate

Dear Too Young,

You're old enough to know better. You want me to give you an OK to "fool around." I'm not going to do that. That 300-plus-pound woman is your wife and the mother of your children. You have an obligation to her. She wasn't 300 pounds when you married her. Perhaps she became 300 pounds because you rejected her. When you say that she is not "sexually attractive," you are describing the state of your mind, not her physical condition. You are giving a particular expression to the common feeling of 50-year-old men that they would like to try someone new.

Anyway, to be over 300 pounds is a dangerous condition physically, aside from what it is doing to your emotional life. You should encourage her to seek medical help for her overweight condition. And you should accept the fact that this is your wife and that you are not free to shop the market. I believe you will find there is much about her to love and your sexual desires can be satisfied with her.

--Prudence, unfoolingly

TODAY IN SLATE

War Stories

The Right Target

Why Obama’s airstrikes against ISIS may be more effective than people expect.

Why Is This Mother in Prison for Helping Her Daughter Get an Abortion?

The XX Factor
Sept. 23 2014 11:13 AM Why Is This Mother in Prison for Helping Her Daughter Get an Abortion?

Divestment Is Fine but Mostly Symbolic. There’s a Better Way for Universities to Fight Climate Change.

I Stand With Emma Watson on Women’s Rights

Even though I know I’m going to get flak for it.

It Is Very Stupid to Compare Hope Solo to Ray Rice

Building a Better Workplace

In Defense of HR

Startups and small businesses shouldn’t skip over a human resources department.

It’s Legal for Obama to Bomb Syria Because He Says It Is

How Ted Cruz and Scott Brown Misunderstand What It Means to Be an American Citizen

  News & Politics
War Stories
Sept. 23 2014 4:04 PM The Right Target Why Obama’s airstrikes against ISIS may be more effective than people expect.
  Business
Moneybox
Sept. 23 2014 2:08 PM Home Depot’s Former Lead Security Engineer Had a Legacy of Sabotage
  Life
Outward
Sept. 23 2014 1:57 PM Would a Second Sarkozy Presidency End Marriage Equality in France?
  Double X
The XX Factor
Sept. 23 2014 2:32 PM Politico Asks: Why Is Gabby Giffords So “Ruthless” on Gun Control?
  Slate Plus
Political Gabfest
Sept. 23 2014 3:04 PM Chicago Gabfest How to get your tickets before anyone else.
  Arts
Brow Beat
Sept. 23 2014 4:33 PM Stop Throwing Your Vegetable Trimmings Away
  Technology
Future Tense
Sept. 23 2014 1:50 PM Oh, the Futility! Frogs Try to Catch Worms off of an iPhone Video.
  Health & Science
Science
Sept. 23 2014 4:33 PM Who Deserves Those 4 Inches of Airplane Seat Space? An investigation into the economics of reclining.
  Sports
Sports Nut
Sept. 18 2014 11:42 AM Grandmaster Clash One of the most amazing feats in chess history just happened, and no one noticed.