A Comprehensive Catalog of R. Kelly’s Wildly Imaginative Sexual Metaphors

Slate's Culture Blog
Dec. 3 2013 3:58 PM

A Comprehensive Catalog of R. Kelly’s Sexual Metaphors

131202_BB_RKellyAnimatedPromo
R. Kelly stares deep into his mind's eye, imagining his next lyrical ode to the pleasures of sex.

Photos by Getty Images, Reuters

R. Kelly, the man behind “I Like the Crotch on You” and “Marry the Pussy,” does not mind being straightforward. But he also has a deep, abiding love of metaphor, simile, personification, analogy, and other forms of figurative language—something that’s been evident since his debut album, on which he crooned, “Like Flintstones, we’ll have a yabba dabba doo.” Over the course of his 20-plus year career, his lyrics have only grown more distinctive.

With the impending arrival of his new album, Black Pantieswhich, as Flavorwire’s Tom Hawking points out, overflows with Kelly’s particular lyrical gifts—we’ve compiled a handy guide to some of the most imaginative figuative language Kelly has used to describe the physical act of love. For the sake of time and space, you’ll find nothing here from Trapped in the Closet. But we have attempted to comb through all his many albums and hit singles, including collaborations with other artists.

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The Abyss
“Get deep in you like The Abyss/ You bring your ass home all pregnant” (“Used to Me Spending”)

The Amazon
“We got it hotter than an Amazon/ Got ya cheetah bra with your heels on” (“Gorilla G-Mix”)

 Anaconda
“I’m like a anaconda in your garden/ Baby girl I’m exploring” (“Gorilla G-Mix”)

Ape
“I’ll be going ape for ya babe/ All up in your forest going crazy” (“Gorilla G-Mix”)

Astronaut
“Way she handle her business from the sky she make it drop/ My money no limit, tonight I’m about to go astronaut” (“Throwin’ My Money”)

Ball
“Welcome to 12 play 4th quarter/ It's crunch time you know/ And I promise if you give me the ball, I'mma hit them when they shine” (“Whole Lotta Kisses”)

Bank Account
“And something like my bank account/ I wanna spend it, baby” (“You Remind Me of Something”)

Baseball Field
“Like a baseball field wanna hit a home run” (“Half on a Baby”)

Black Hole
“I'm about to twinkle it and touch your soul/ Once I enter into your black hole” (“Sex Planet”)

Blowing Holy Smokes
“Say she’s a church girl but man she’s blowing holy smokes” (“My Story“)

Blowin’ up the crib
“’Bout to bang on the pussy like I’m blowin’ up the crib” (“Cookie”)

Bumper
“So pull up to my bumper and let the system sound/ Girl, I betcha I can drive you crazy” (“You Remind Me of Something”)

Capricorn
“‘Cause inside your walls there will dwell a Capricorn/ That will feast your body all night” (“The Greatest Sex”)

Car
“Girl you look just like my cars, I wanna wax it” (“You Remind Me of Something”)

Cat
“Now listen up close, I won't say it again/ Skip a dog, y'all cat is a man's best friend” (“In Da Club”)

College Grad
“I'm a college grad, girl I got my degree/ I'm the head of my class, girl you met the real thing” (“Genius”)

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Photos by Shutterstock

Cookie Jar
“Your legs in the air, my hands all off up in your cookie jar” (“Cookie”)

Cookie/Cookie Monster
“Cookie, cookie, cookie, I’m a cookie monster” (“Cookie”)

Dime Bag
“Girl it’s like a dime bag dro (dro)/ The way you movin’ that kush real slow” (“Sex Weed”)*

Django Unchained
“I beat the pussy, Django” (“My Story”)

Doctor
“After that gotta go, got appointments girl/ I'm a doctor, I got other clients girl” (“In Da Club”)

Dolphin
“Swimming in your waters with you/ I wanna be a dolphin to you, goin’ eee-eee-eee-eee” (“Sex Dolphin”)

Dolphin

Photos by Getty Images

Doors
“Getting you open like matchin’ doors” (“Naked”)

Dope Man
“See I wanna give my love/ Be your dope man in the bedroom/ You can make me your drug babe” (“PYD”)

Dove
“Now all I wanna do is, baby/ Is make your dove cry and make your body scream like AAHHHHH!” (“Dat’s What I’m Talkin’ Bout”)

Drink
“I could be the drink in your cup” (“Do What U Want”)

Fantasy Island
“I'm lovin' the way you put that thang on me, yeah/ Like Fantasy Island, you fulfill my dreams” (“Like a Real Freak”)

Fire
“And no water could put this fire out in you” (“Bangin’ the Headboard”)

Flashlight
“I need a flashlight ’cause I’m deep up in that pussy” (“Parachute”)

The Flintstones
“I'll turn you on like a neon light, make everything alright/ Like in the middle of the night/ Yo when you need somebody to love you/ Like Flintstones we'll have a yabba dabba doo/ Kiss and caress you and hold you” (“She’s Got That Vibe”)

Football Coach
“You must be a football coach/ The way you got me playin' the field” (“Ignition (Remix)”)

Forest
“Deep down in your forest like (ooh ooh ooh ah ah ah)” (“Gorilla G-Mix”)

Freeway
“See I'll be doin' about 80 on your freeway/ Girl, I won't stop until I drive you crazy/ So buckle up cause this can get bumpy, babe” (“Ignition [Original]”*)

Garden
“I’ll take a stroll through your garden of love” (“Naked”)

Gorilla
“Like two gorillas in the jungle makin’ love!” (“Snake [Remix]”)

A Grave
“Bury myself all in you/ As if you were my grave” (“Whole Lotta Kisses”)

Green
“I could be the green in your blunt/ Your pusher man, yeah I got what you want” (“Do What U Want“)

Grippin’ Grain
“She grab the wood like grippin’ grain” (“Cookie”)

A Growl
“And I'mma make that pussy growl” (“Gorilla G-Mix”)

Hocus Pocus
“She make a pole disappear like hocus pocus” (“My Story”)

Hotel Room
“Like a hotel room, I'm checkin' into you” (“Half on a Baby”)

Hurricane
“I’m 'bout to blow up in here like a hurricane” (“Banging the Headboard”)

Italian Hero Sandwich
“Bring you and your friend to my crib baby/ And y’all can sandwich me, like an Italian hero sandwich, baby” (“Italian Hero Sandwich of Love”)

131202_BB_RKellyAnimatedSandwich

Jeep
“You remind me of my jeep, I wanna ride it” (“You Remind Me of Something”)

Jewelry
“See ya body's cut just like my jewelry” (“Like a Real Freak”)

Jungle
“I’m about to be the king of your jungle like (ooh ooh ooh ah ah ah)” (“Gorilla G-Mix”)

Jurassic Park
“Like Jurassic Park/ Except I'm your sex-a-saurus, baby” (“The Zoo”)*

Key
“I'm about to take my key and/ Stick it in the ignition” (“Ignition (Remix)”)

Lexus Coupe
“The way you do the things ya do/ Reminds me of my Lexus coupe” (“Ignition (Remix)”)

Lobster
“Break your back, crack it open like a lobster” (“Cookie“)

Map
“Yeah I’m hittin’ every spot on your map, that’s me goin’ on tour” (“Cookie“)

Marilyn Monroe
“You’re the Marilyn, I’m the president and I love to hear you sing girl” (“Do What U Want“)

Master
“Tonight you are my master/ And I will be your slave” (“Whole Lotta Kisses“)

The Matrix
“The way you move your ass slow like Matrix” (“Big Chips“)

Melody
“You a sexy melody with a touch of freaky harmony” (“Feelin’ You in Stereo“)

Meteor Showers
“I won't stop until I give you meteor showers” (“Sex Planet“)

The Milky Way
“Gonna get you so excited/ Once I taste your Milky Way” (“Sex Planet“)

Shooting Stars

Photos by Getty Images, Reuters

Mix Master
“Cause girl you a mix master/ When it comes to pumpin’ you such a ghetto blaster” (“Feelin’ You in Stereo”)

Movie Screen
“Put it all close up on me like that/ 'Til it looks like a movie screen” (“Whole Lotta Kisses”)

Murder She Wrote”
“Now it's like “Murder She Wrote”/ Once I get ya out them clothes” (“Ignition (Remix)”)

Oreos
"Girl you know you got that good, yeah/ Like an Oreo/ I love to lick the middle like an Oreo (turn up)/ Oreo, Oreo, like an Oreo/ I wanna bite it and get inside it ’til I get you gone/ Like an Oreo” (“Cookie”)

Oven
“It’s like fresh up out the kitchen/ The way I got your oven so hot, mama” (“Dat’s What I’m Talkin’ Bout”)

Parachute
“I think I need a parachute, parachute, parachute/ I’m going down on you” (“Parachute”)

Parachute

Photos by Getty Images, Shutterstock

“I need a parachute 'cause I’m falling for that pussy” (“Parachute”)

Pimp
“This girl must be a pimp, the way I’m ready to ho” (“In Da Club”)

“And baby, everyone gonna say you're a pimp/ Cause I'mma have ya walking with a limp” (“Dat’s What I’m Talkin’ Bout”)

Planet
“Sex planet, get ready for take off babe/ Zoom, and have a safe trip babe” (“Sex Planet”)

Playground
“Strip club is our playground, she playing on her monkey bar” (“Throwing My Money”)

“Oh, your body is my playground” (“It Seems Like You’re Ready”)

Porno Star
“Posed the part like a porno star” (“Like a Real Freak”)

Racetrack
“(Woop!) More curves than a racetrack and I just wanna ride it” (“It’s On”)

Radio
“It’s like your body’s on radio, I’m feelin’ you in stereo/ Put me in your CD player I’m gonna hit it nice and slow” (“Feelin’ You in Stereo”)

Rainforest
“It’s like a rainforest baby/ How I got your love pouring down” (“Gorilla G-Mix”)

Rocket
“So don't trip I got a giant rocket/ Gliding through, just hittin' your pocket” (“Sex Planet”)

Roller coaster
“Now I'm workin’ it up and down like a roller coaster ride” (“Echo”)

“Ooh… she roller-coastered on it/ Ooh… she threw it up, I alley’d, ooh…” (“Cookie”)

Salad
“Girl I'm ready to toss your salad” (“In the Kitchen”)

Screaming from a mountain peak
“I got you sounding like your screaming from a mountain peak” (“Echo”)

Shoes
“Sex: Put it on you like shoes on feets” (“Ringtone”)

Shovel
“I'm diggin' like a shovel, all the things you do” (“Half on a Baby”)

Skittles
“I'm all up in your middle/ Ooh it taste like Skittles” (“Sweet Tooth”)*

Smoking
“I’m right back smoking you, you’re right back injecting me/ Love is in our veins, baby” (“All the Way”)

Snake
“Move your body like a snake, mama” (“Snake (Remix)”)

Sound system
“Something like my sound, I wanna pump it” (“You Remind Me of Something”)

Theme park
“Up and down like a roller coaster/ I call that ass a theme park” (“Throwin’ My Money”)

Uranus
“Girl I promise this will be painless, painless/ We'll take a trip to planet Uranus” (“Sex Planet”)

Voice
“Her ass got a voice and she sing a capella/ I can be the music pumping in the background” (“Parachute”)

Voyage
“Like a voyage when the storm begins to roar/ There’s no telling what this night could have in store” (“The Greatest Sex”)

Weed
“Well, one hit of this sex weed/ Guaranteed to get you high like a mutha for ya” (“Dat’s What I’m Talkin’ Bout”)

Widescreen
“Baby I’m your hot mix bumpin’ in your cherry Lex/ Checkin’ out your widescreen while your hands up on the headrest” (“Feelin’ You in Stereo”)

Yodeling
“I hope you're ready, girl, to scream and moan/ Like yodelay, yodelay, oh, ooo-hoo/ Wanna hear you echo, echo” (“Echo”)

* Denotes R. Kelly lyrical works that are more properly considered conceits, as an extended and complex sexual metaphor governs the entire song.

Aisha Harris is a Slate staff writer.

Lisa Larson-Walker is a Slate photo editor.

Emma Goss is a Slate intern.

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