This week actress Gwyneth Paltrow announced in her newsletter Goop that she is separating from her husband of 10 years, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin. Only she didn’t put it that way. “We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and coparent, we will be able to continue in the same manner,” Paltrow wrote.
“Consciously uncoupling” sounds way better than “divorcing.” Which made us wonder: How might Paltrow’s newsletter describe other people’s love lives? Use our handy widget to find out your Goop-ified relationship status!
Goopify Your Relationship Status
What's your relationship status?
What's your name?
What's Your Partner's Name?
As Gwyneth Paltrow would say,
*Correction, March 26, 2014: The Relationship Status Goop-ifier originally misstated that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are deeply unyoked. Paltrow and Martin are consciously uncoupled.
TODAY IN SLATE
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How our minds build narratives out of disaster.
The Budget Disaster That Completely Sabotaged the WHO’s Response to Ebola
PowerPoint Is the Worst, and Now It’s the Latest Way to Hack Into Your Computer
The Shooting Tragedies That Forged Canada’s Gun Politics
A Highly Unscientific Ranking of Crazy-Old German Beers
Welcome to 13th Grade!
Some high schools are offering a fifth year. That’s a great idea.
The Actual World
“Mount Thoreau” and the naming of things in the wilderness.