Gwyneth Paltrow Is “Consciously Uncoupled.” What’s Your Goop-ified Relationship Status?

Dubious and far-fetched ideas.
March 26 2014 5:33 PM

Goop-ify Your Love Life

Use our widget to find out how Gwyneth Paltrow would describe your relationship status.

Actress Gwyneth Paltrow on February 10, 2014 in New York City.
Now you can make like Gwyneth Paltrow and Goop-ify your own relationship status.

Photo-illustration by Slate. Photo by Theo Wargo/Getty Images for Lincoln Center

This week actress Gwyneth Paltrow announced in her newsletter Goop that she is separating from her husband of 10 years, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin. Only she didn’t put it that way. “We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and coparent, we will be able to continue in the same manner,” Paltrow wrote.

“Consciously uncoupling” sounds way better than “divorcing.” Which made us wonder: How might Paltrow’s newsletter describe other people’s love lives? Use our handy widget to find out your Goop-ified relationship status!

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As Gwyneth Paltrow would say,

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*Correction, March 26, 2014: The Relationship Status Goop-ifier originally misstated that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are deeply unyoked. Paltrow and Martin are consciously uncoupled.

L.V. Anderson is a Slate assistant editor. She edits Slate's food and drink sections and writes Brow Beat's recipe column, You're Doing It Wrong. 

Chris Kirk is Slate's interactives editor. Follow him on Twitter.

Forrest Wickman is a Slate staff writer. 

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