I dread Thanksgiving with my husband's family. What can I do to avoid it?

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Dear Prudence,
I dread Thanksgiving. My husband and I are expected to attend a family yearly Thanksgiving dinner hosted by my husband's sister and brother-in-law. We are never specifically invited by my sister-in-law, who doesn't phone or invite us personally; she does not speak with us throughout the year. My mother-in-law tells me that as long as she is alive—she's almost 80—she wants her family together for Thanksgiving. I've been honoring her wish because I love her dearly. After driving 200 miles, we're usually greeted by my brother-in-law, who invariably calls me by the wrong name. (My husband and I have been married nine years; I am that man's only sister-in-law.) I correct him, but feel embarrassed. At dinner, I'm seated near my brother-in-law, who continues to misname me. I offer to help with cleaning up and dishes, but my sister-in-law says she has "her own way" in the kitchen. We're then subjected to various grandchildren who perform, either by very bad piano or singing. We make our escape as soon as, and politely as, possible, having tried to converse with everyone but arriving at dead ends. Is there any reasonable way we can excuse ourselves from these intolerable dinners without upsetting my mother-in-law?

—A Turkey of a Day

Dear Turkey,
Before you go, read the collected works of Joe Orton; these farcical black comedies will remind you of your own family gathering, minus a dead body or two. It's too late to do anything this year except show up, at least for the sake of your beloved mother-in-law. When your brother-in-law greets you by the wrong name, you could just say, "It's good to see you again, Ralph" (assuming his name is not Ralph) and let it go. (Has your husband ever explored the possibility that there's something seriously awry with his sister and brother-in-law?) But while the day sounds dreary, it's preferable to the confrontations of more histrionic clans. After all, you arrive, eat a meal, watch the grandchildren perform (remember, their badness is part of the charm), then head back to civilization without even having to clean up. For the future, many couples alternate major holidays with their respective families—so why not visit yours next Thanksgiving, and then spend some extra time later with your mother-in-law? Or you could really shake things up and declare that since Ralph and his wife have been entertaining you for the past nine years, next year, it's your turn.

—Prudie

Dear Prudence Video: My BFF Married My Cousin

Dear Prudence,
The other night, my fiancee suggested that we could use the diamonds in her wedding ring from her previous marriage in the setting of her new wedding ring. I protested. Didn't seem kosher. She shot back, "I was the one who bought the diamonds!" Still, I think her old ring has significance and should be kept as is, albeit locked in a drawer. My business partner thinks we should hock the ring or throw it into the fires of Mordor (he threw the wedding ring from his first marriage away—"Bad mojo."), but no way should we use the exact stones from the old ring. Three different opinions for one ring. Help!

—Ringless

Dear Ringless,
As somebody who imbues objects with (too much) meaning, I like your fiancee's practical approach. The stones are nice, she bought them herself, and the previous marriage is so over that she measures the weight of these rocks in carats, not as symbols. However, it's human nature to find meaning in things, and if every time you look at her ring it makes you feel as if her ex is somehow wrapped around her finger, then keeping those diamonds is a false economy. If the idea of using the stones continues to nag at you, she should accede to your wishes. But it's silly to keep the ring locked away. She can get pleasure from it, and remove its power, by either selling it or resetting the diamonds as a pair of earrings. No need for Mordor to claim it.

—Prudie