Is it a bad idea for a couple to experiment sexually outside the marriage?

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Dear Prudence,
I just turned 40 this year, and seem to be in some sort of sexual frenzy. My husband and I have been happily married for 20 years. We are pillars of the community and have a great family. But we have only had sex with each other. We were high-school sweethearts and have been together sexually for 25 years (yes, I know I was young—but we took the appropriate precautions, and hey, we've been married for 20 years now, so no judgments). Anyway, we both want to do a little experimentation sexually and think that we can do it without hurting our marriage. We want to experience outside sex only. We are very committed to each other, and know that we will grow old together. Do you think this little experiment will backfire?

—Curious

Dear Curious,
There's no way to know if your experiment will satisfy your cravings and leave your marriage unharmed, or be the emotional equivalent of playing with matches in a San Diego canyon. I spoke with psychologist Janis Abrahms Spring, author of After the Affair, and she surprised me when she didn't condemn your idea outright, but she did offer many warnings. She said it was a sign of health in your marriage that this is something you can talk about freely with each other. But she warned that there's no way to follow through with your plans in a divorce-proof way. For one thing, one of you may actually be more motivated to take the step, while the other goes along so as to not look like a prude. Even if you equally agree to this and guarantee each other no emotions will be involved—well, ha! to that promise. Once you unleash the gods of desire and jealousy, there are no guarantees as to what will happen. Spring also warns that the novelty and forbidden nature of what you're doing can set off biochemical reactions that give infidelity a crack-cocainelike high. Before making Thursday your date night, first try to infuse new sexual energy into your marriage. You could watch pornography together and get inspired. Consider a vacation at a nude beach and share the fantasies inspired by the passing show. If you go, remember that if you expose tender, usually covered skin, how quickly it can burn.

—Prudie

Dear Prudence Video: Kissing Her Ex

Dear Prudence,
Several years ago, I stole some money from my college roommate. She never, as far as I know, discovered the theft, and by the time I got around to repenting, she had left the school. I have long wanted to make reparation; I've been putting it off, partly because my own financial state is not good, partly because I let the matter slip my mind. Now that conscience has caught up with me, how can I go about repaying her? Am I obliged to track her down and mail the money, along with a note admitting my crime? The possibility makes me queasy with embarrassment. Also, finding her will be difficult. Her name is a fairly common one, and she may no longer be in the United States (she had close ties with relatives abroad). She had a medical condition, and I've considered donating the money to a relevant charity, but that isn't the same as repaying her personally. I want to finally do right by my former roommate. Please help!

—Repentant Thief

Dear Repentant,
My, my, what a lot of excuses: she has a common name, she may (or may not) have left the country; you've got your own financial problems; a donation to a charity is a good thing, too. You stole the money, and you need to pay it back. As far as finding her is concerned, surely you have mutual friends from college who know where she is. If not, contact your alma mater and ask them for help locating her. No one wants to write a letter confessing to misdeeds, but think of how good you'll feel once you do it. Your former roommate might be so astounded that it could result in the reflowering of an old friendship.