What should I do now that I've found out my old friend is in prison?

Get "Dear Prudence" delivered to your inbox each week; click here to sign up. Please send your questions for publication to prudence@slate.com. (Questions may be edited.)

Dear Prudie,
Since I had not heard from my old work colleague/friend for several months, I decided to give him a call and catch up with him and his family. While trying to find my friend's phone number and address (which I had misplaced), I found a newspaper article from earlier this summer through Google that told me in graphic detail that my old friend was now serving a 14-year sentence, after being found guilty of rape and sexual assault from two years earlier. There were photographs of him exiting the court, and the addresses and other facts left no doubt this was my friend. I was shocked. Now I don't know what to do. We have a couple of mutual friends. When I called and asked them if they had spoken to him recently, they all said no, and obviously have no idea what has happened. Is it my place to break this terrible news to them? I had spoken to him many times over the last couple of years and there was no mention of any potential legal problems on the horizon. Should I contact his wife (whom I know less well) and offer my sympathies, or pretend ignorance and ask to speak to him?

—Googled & Gobsmacked

Dear Googled,
While your friend suffers from a catastrophic lack of restraint, I admire yours. As soon as I found the article, I would have forwarded it to the mutual friends, saying I know why our pal has been giving everyone the silent treatment. Obviously, you have discovered something horrifying about your friend, but this is public information, and I don't think you're violating any code by telling people. Over the long term, it's going to be difficult to keep the news of a 14-year prison sentence for rape from getting around. As for the wife, she must be in agony. It would be a kind thing to do to contact her. Don't pretend you don't know. Tell her you saw an article about what happened, that you are worried about her and the children, and are calling to express your concern and see if there is anything you can do. She may be grateful for your kindness, but if she is hostile or blows you off, understand how difficult it must be to have been so intimate with such darkness.

—Prudie

Dear Prudence Video: Felix Unger Reborn?

Dear Prudence,
My wife and I have been married for two years and are expecting our first child soon. She is very family oriented. I knew this before the marriage and have no issue with it; indeed, it was attractive to me. I grew up in a dysfunctional environment, and left in my late teens to make my own way. I've struggled with my wife's need to include family in everything—from discussing our finances with her family to nearly daily video conferences with her mother to an insistence that their problems are our problems. I offered to have her mother stay with us for four months (she's from abroad) immediately prior to, and after, the birth of our child. She's now staying with us and I think it's great. She is not intrusive, and doesn't insert herself into our married life. My wife, however, wants her to be in the room when she delivers our son. I do not. I want this to be a moment when our family is created, not hers extended. I want my mother and her mother to be there immediately before and after, but not during the actual delivery. My wife cannot understand my point. Help me!

—Expecting an Argument

Dear Expecting,
As you say, one of the things you liked your wife bringing into your life was a close, happy family. It's understandable that for anyone, but especially for you, such closeness can become cloying. Yet your marriage is fairly new and about to undergo a huge change, so now is the time to be flexible about boundaries, especially since your wife has different personal and cultural expectations about how a family behaves. It sounds as if you're lucky in your mother-in-law—she has mastered the art of being around without being in your way. You're right, you're setting yourself up for an argument if you see the birth as the moment your family is created but not hers extended, because to your wife, it's the moment your family is created and hers extended. If you've discussed your feelings with your wife about who gets to be ringside, and she insists she wants her mother there, don't try to push your choice on the person who's going to do the pushing. I think part of your concern stems from the fact that your mother, too, is going to be around, and maybe she'll also ask for a view of the action. That's unlikely, but if she does, explain there will be plenty of time for her to see her grandson after he's born.

—Prudie