Drawing upon her rich experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send your questions for publication to prudence@slate.com. Queries should not exceed 200 words in length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably including your location.
Dear Prudie,
Larry is an exceedingly good friend, and when he comes to my city on business it's understood that I am delighted to take him out on the town, put him up in my guest room, etc. Ditto for when I'm in his city. As we're both computer geeks, when we happen to be going to the same trade show or conference, night life plans and party invites for me automatically include Larry--and vice versa.
Enter The Problem in the form of Moe, a common acquaintance of Larry's and mine who sometimes attends the same conferences. Moe simply invites himself along to everything Larry and I do for the whole week. If he gets wind of our plans, he'll turn up to meet us. If he hasn't overheard anything, he'll simply tag along with one of us all day until lunch or dinner or whatever. We have attempted to gently give Moe the message that he's not welcome unless invited, but it just bounces off Moe's tact-proof armor.
Prudie, HELP. Moe's not a jerk, he's just clueless, and Larry and I are agreed that we'd just like the freakin' option of him not joining us. We'd like to achieve this without actually being forced to tell him to **** off, but we're nearing our rope's end.
--Shemp in Seattle
Dear Shemp,
Prudie deplores the density of your cyberclod friend and sees no reason for you and Larry to have to be stealth geeks. Since you've tried tact, you must now be direct with this judgment-free fellow. Simply tell him you hate like hell to hurt his feelings, but you and Larry use these gatherings to catch up, and a third party simply changes the dynamic. (It is, alas, poor manners to ever tell anyone to **** off.)
You must be benevolent despots, lest you find yourself manipulated by someone with the hide of a rhinoceros. Gird your loins, make your statement, and brook no further discussion ... roger and out.
--Prudie, determinedly
