Drawing upon her rich experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send your questions for publication to prudence@slate.com. Queries should not exceed 200 words in length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably including your location.
Dear Prudence,
I'm writing to ask you a question about Sen. John McCain's extraordinarily mean-spirited joke about Chelsea Clinton at a recent Republican fund-raiser.
First, I wonder if you agree with many members of the press that the joke is, in the Washington Post's words, "too vicious to print." In my experience, vicious things reflect more harshly on the person who says them. To that end, I tend to think that not printing the joke has unfairly spared McCain from a well-deserved kick in the shins from the American public.
Second, I am intrigued by the idea that McCain and Chelsea may bump into each other any number of times before her father leaves office. How, in your opinion, should Chelsea conduct herself in the senator's presence? I'm certain that the apology from McCain to her father has likely left her with no option but to treat the senator with respect and courtesy. But is there a good way to make a boorish person squirm without being boorish yourself?
--Puckishly, Kate Wrath
Dear Puck,
How nice to hear from you again. Your queries are interesting ones. Prudie is in agreement that withholding direct quotes by public people often protects the evil-sayer from others as well as from themselves. The mirror image consideration, however, is that it is unappetizing to give the offending remark wider circulation--especially when it is insulting to a person of tender years. Reality, though, must come into play, and in cases such as this there will always be a way for the outré remark to become known. (Curious readers who want to see the "joke" in all its tawdriness can consult David's Plotz's thoughtful "Assessment" of Sen. McCain in a recent Slate.) Also, the censoring process increases curiosity--as when one refuses to answer a child's question.
A sidelight that has been generally overlooked is that the U.S. attorney general took a double slam in the senator's joke. In any case, thoughtful people will surely wonder about the judgment and heart of a man who could publicly denigrate the looks of a young woman who has famously conducted herself like a lady. And Prudie knows in her heart that McCain is toast as far as the president is concerned, Prudie being old enough to remember Truman and the opera critic.
As for your second thought: How should Ms. Clinton behave toward the senator while being both correct and shaming? My old Midwestern mother taught me the answer to that one years ago. Kill 'em with kindness, and they don't know where to look.
