Drawing upon her rich experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send your questions for publication to prudence@slate.com. Queries should not exceed 200 words in length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably including your location.

Dear Prudence,

A black co-worker asked me for advice about his neighbors, who call the police to complain about his playing a radio too loudly. He owns a radio; he just never plays it, he says. Once he dropped a weight while exercising, and the neighbor called the police to complain about the excessive noise. The police were nonplussed and said the neighbors were overly fussy, but the complaints and the police visits continue.

My bewildered associate drafted a longish letter of apology for giving the neighbors offense. I offered to write a more appropriate letter for him. He accepted my offer and will deliver the letter at the earliest convenient moment. But first, I'd like your opinion of my note. I had him declare in the note that he was really perplexed about why he was being singled out for complaint. Was it not possible that the (white) neighbors didn't like him for things he has no control over (being black)? If that should be the case, perhaps counseling by a state agency might be appropriate, and he would be willing to participate.

This is everything I know. I wouldn't have stuck my neck out on this, but my co-worker is really a nice guy. I couldn't bear to see him apologizing for things that never happened. He's always cheerful, never swears, dresses neatly, works quietly. I don't know what your office is like, but the rest of us cannot be described that way.

I am not a social agitator, but I am in favor of justice. Did I do the right thing suggesting he play the race card?

--Helpfully Hopeful or Hopefully Helpful

Dear Help,

It is good of you to help your friend and co-worker. It is Prudie's guess, however, that bigots will not voluntarily go into counseling with a state agency.

The introduction of what you call the race card is appropriate, seeing that the deck is obviously stacked because of your friend's color. It is always a last resort to play hardball, but in this case a call to the Anti-Defamation League or the American Civil Liberties Union might be helpful.