Drawing upon her rich experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send your questions for publication to Prudence@slate.com. Queries should not exceed 200 words in length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably including your location.
Dear Prudence,
Before I do it, I'm trying to figure out how satisfying revenge would be. I want the satisfaction but not the guilt that might come with it. Two years ago, my lover of three years and I broke up. It was messy and I got shafted. But I moved on and rebuilt my life and my heart. One nagging part of me says that I still have one thing left to do.
You see, I have information about a tax fraud he pulled off and until now has successfully hidden. Do I tell the authorities and let the chips fall where they may, or hold it in and not risk the guilt that would come from watching him lose his job and possibly face a criminal charge? He would not know it was I who sent him up the river, because he thought he hid the fraud from me, too.
--Holding a Secret in Toronto
Dear Hold,
Interestingly, Prudie had to wrestle with this same problem with one of her ... well, never mind. The thing for you to do is to weigh your own interests. If the relationship is over--no matter that he done you wrong--let everything be over, including the spiteful desire to get even. Though it is said that "revenge is sweet," it can also be, as you've noted, guilt-inducing.
Prudie does not wish to confuse you and sound like Tevya in Fiddler on the Roof when he says, "on the other hand," but a complex piece of your puzzle is that tax fraud is a crime, and your duty as a citizen comes into play. Prudie suspects that civic duty has not been part of your equation, leading perhaps to your doing the right thing for the wrong reason.
Your bottom line is to evaluate the extent of his bad behavior toward you and your threshold for a guilty conscience. Only you know whether a potential life-altering misfortune befalling him will make you feel pleased or remorseful. If you choose not to act, know that, at some point, he will get his--without any assistance from you.
--Prudie, conditionally
