Senator since: 1985 Status: Up for re-election in 2014 Pics of himself: 99 Ego wall celebrities: Bono, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Norman Schwarzkopf, Kofi Annan, Hamid Karzai, Mikhail Gorbachev, John Glenn, Tim Russert, the Dalai Lama, Benjamin Netanyahu, Nicolas Sarkozy, Tip O'Neill, Colin Powell, Hosni Mubarak, Ted Kennedy, Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush, Barack Obama.
John Kerry's wall is easily the Most Enormous Ego Wall in Washington. Visitors here may also want to check their chiropractic coverage before stretching their necks to see the top row of celebrities near the ceiling. Kerry appears to have already built his presidential library. Not a believer in "less is more" when it comes to layout, he displays at least eight pictures of himself with the late Sen. Ted Kennedy and inexplicably shows off two autographed pictures of himself with John Glenn from the same event in 1999.
Missing from the wall of fame: We couldn't find Kerry's disgraced vice presidential running mate, John Edwards.
Photograph by Darren Garnick.
Arlen Specter, D-Pa.
Vanity score: 8.72 Vanity rank: 2
Senator since: 1981 Status: Will retire in January after losing Democratic primary in May. Pics of himself: 55 Ego wall celebrities: Bob Hope, Muhammad Ali, Martin Luther King Jr., Julius "Dr. J" Erving, Pope John Paul II, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Luciano Pavarotti, Queen Elizabeth, Walter Mondale, Ben Roethlisberger, Colin Powell, Al Gore, Dwight Eisenhower, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan, Jimmy Carter, George W. Bush, Barack Obama.
Remember the movie Forrest Gump, in which Tom Hanks morphs into scenes as a championship Ping-Pong player in China, inspires John Lennon to write "Imagine" and stumbles across the Watergate scandal? Arlen Specter's office is like that. As you casually stroll from one wall to another, the celebrities become increasingly more surreal.
It's unclear what President Eisenhower and a young Specter are talking about, but the bug-eyed Ike looks like he is ready to verbally pounce on him. Basketball legend Dr. J is far more relaxed, not seeming to care that the senator was interrupting his dinner roll and fruit cup. Opera star Luciano Pavarotti seems ready for a serenade.
Photograph by Darren Garnick.
Jim Bunning, R-Ky.
Vanity score: 8.21 Vanity rank: 3
Senator since: 1999 Status: Will retire in January after deciding not to run for re-election. Pics of himself: 97 Ego wall celebrities: Sean Connery, Samuel Alito, Pope John Paul II, Condoleezza Rice, Dan Quayle, Laura Bush, Rudy Giuliani, Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, George W. Bush.
Time once branded Sen. Jim Bunning "The Underperformer," alleging that he "shows little interest in policy unless it involves baseball." A quick glance in Bunning's office does nothing to dispel that charge. The Hall of Fame pitcher, the only man to strike out Ted Williams three times in a game, seemingly never leaves his home without a baseball. In a snapshot of him presenting Pope John Paul II with an autographed baseball, it looks like the pope is the one receiving a blessing. The photo with starstruck Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, who poses with a 1960s Phillies yearbook and Bunning ball, is inscribed "Thanks and appreciation from a fan."
To abide by the Senate's ethics rules, Bunning donates his appearance fees at baseball card shows to his Jim Bunning Foundation. Presumably, he waived his fee for Alito and John Paul II.
CREDIT: Photograph by Darren Garnick.
Joe Lieberman, Independent-Conn.
Vanity score: 7.05 Vanity rank: 4
Senator since: 1989 Status: Up for re-election in 2012 Pics of himself: 25 Ego wall celebrities: Nicolas Sarkozy, Ron Silver, Conan O'Brien, Al Gore, Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles, John McCain, George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Barack Obama.
Just like he snuck under the radar as Al Gore's running mate in 2000 and surprised pundits by winning the 2006 Senate race as an independent, Sen. Joe Lieberman is an unexpected high achiever here. On first glance, his walls seem no more narcissistic than his neighbors. But the key is the high percentage of photos that contain celebrities and presidents. Almost half of Lieberman's snapshots contain someone famous, while Sen. Dick Lugar (ranked No. 10) has more than twice as many photos of himself but no celebs. In any case, if Conan O'Brien's body language is any indication, Lieberman is a man in love with his own voice. He gets bonus points for bragging about his connection to the late character actor Ron Silver (The West Wing, Veronica's Closet), that rare Hollywood personality willing to endorse a hawkish conservative ex-Democrat.
Photograph by Ilya Mirman.
Edward Kaufman, D-Del.
Vanity score: 7.04 Vanity rank: 5
Senator since: 2009 (appointed to fill seat of Vice President Joe Biden). Status: Retiring this year after deciding not to run for election. Pics of himself: 28 Ego wall celebrities: Hamid Karzai, the Dalai Lama, Benjamin Netanyahu, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jim Cramer, Ban Ki-moon, Joe Biden, Stanley McChrystal, George W. Bush, Barack Obama.
Kaufman, who was chief of staff for Sen. Joe Biden for two decades, proves that even a seat warmer can build an impressive ego wall. What's fascinating is the place of honor reserved for Gen. Stanley McChrystal, who was commander of U.S. forces in Afghanistan until he ripped into Biden in that infamous Rolling Stone interview that got him fired. Mingling with Kaufman's A-list of military and political photo-ops is a most unusual wall guest: Mad Money TV host Jim Cramer. Kaufman has been invited on the show multiple times to discuss Wall Street fraud, and his mellow personality couldn't be more different from the host who screams out investment advice. Cramer has praised Kaufman for trying to make investing safe again for "the little guy." That might be true. But those little guys should know they have absolutely no chance of making Kaufman's wall.
Photograph by Ilya Mirman.
Orrin Hatch, R-Utah
Vanity score: 6.29 Vanity rank: 6
Senator since: 1977 Status: Up for re-election in 2012 Pics of himself: 12 Ego wall celebrities: John Stockton, Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush.
Gold and platinum records and Utah Jazz legend John Stockton's autographed Nikes give Sen. Orrin Hatch's office the feel of an ideological Hard Rock Café. For a touch of hard-core décor, there is an American flag that flew over Camp Delta at Gitmo in Hatch's honor.
The senator also displays no fewer than three ballpoint pens from former President George W. Bush. After writing Bush a "best friends forever" letter at the end of his second term, Hatch scored a hand-scrawled BFF letter back. "I'm truly honored to have served our nation and to have done so with an intelligent, decent man named O. Hatch," Bush wrote. "Thank you as well for covering 'my back' as our troops say. We have been through a lot together and I believe it will be said that we gave it our all."
Photograph by Darren Garnick.
Mitch McConnell, R-Ky.
Vanity score: 6.24 Vanity rank: 7
Senator since: 1985 Status: Up for re-election in 2014 Pics of himself: 17 Ego wall celebrities: Ronald Reagan, Nancy Reagan, George H.W. Bush, Barbara Bush, George W. Bush, Barry Goldwater, Tommy Lasorda.
Channeling the baseball spirit of his Kentucky colleague, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell reveals a fondness for former Los Angeles Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda, who apparently also likes to display posters of himself. Like McConnell, Lasorda—who witnessed a flag-burning stunt during a 1976 Cubs-Dodgers game—supports a law banning the desecration of Old Glory. The rest of McConnell's walls are a lovefest to the Bush and Reagan administrations, with one especially heartwarming shot of the Gipper giving Mitch a huge Lasorda-like hug.
Photograph by Ilya Mirman.
Chris Dodd, D-Conn.
Vanity score: 6.16 Vanity rank: 8
Senator since: 1981 Status: Chose not to run for re-election. Pics of himself: 9 Ego wall celebrities: Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Barack Obama.
What the Connecticut senator lacks in celebrity photos, he makes up for in engraved Lucite paperweights, crystal bowls, and glass harps (we couldn't figure out what they were for, but he wants you to know he has at least five of them). More puzzling than the harps is a strange exchange between Dodd and former President Bill Clinton over how they wear their baseball hats. In the first photo, a giddy Dodd tries on a hat while Clinton eggs him on. "To Chris," he writes, "Is the hat too small or the head too big?" In the second photo, Clinton is beaming in his red cap while a hatless Dodd pretends to throw him a baseball. The hilarity is captured with another Clinton inscription: "To Chris, you scored with me a long time ago. If you'd hit me with this ball, you could have scored with the GOP!"
Many Americans worried that the Monica Lewinsky affair interfered with President Clinton's effectiveness as a leader. But it's now clear that he also wasted a lot of time autographing pictures for Chris Dodd.
Photograph by Ilya Mirman.
John Cornyn, R-Texas
Vanity score: 5.76 Vanity rank: 9
Senator since: 2003 Status: Up for re-election in 2014 Pics of himself: 7 Ego wall celebrities: Chuck Norris, George W. Bush, Laura Bush.
If you want your senator to kick some ass, John Cornyn is your guy. Although he displays only a few photographs, every nook and cranny of his office oozes testosterone. Paintings of cowboys and Texas longhorn cattle look like props from his 2008 "Big Bad John" re-election video, which beckoned, "That place out yonder needs more men like you, who shoot straight and talk straight and enjoy a good brew!"
A jovial Chuck Norris watches over the office, with no worries about any visitors forgetting the Alamo. The waiting room showcases not one but two battle flags from when the Republic of Texas became an independent nation. Cornyn helpfully includes a small note describing the history. One tattered white flag looks like it was made by third- graders with a bed sheet. Whether or not you read about the Battle of Gonzales, the flag's cannon and "COME AND TAKE IT" slogan make it clear that Cornyn has no intentions of political surrender.
Photograph by Ilya Mirman.
Richard Lugar, R-Ind.
Vanity score: 5.22 Vanity rank: 10
Senator since: 1977 Status: Up for re-election in 2012 Pics of Himself: 67 Ego wall celebrities: None.
In addition to building conservation land bridges and helping little old ladies cross the street, Eagle Scouts are very skilled at reminding you of their status for the rest of their lives. Like a high-school football star who can't put away his varsity letters, Sen. Richard Lugar is still bragging about his first-aid and stamp-collecting merit badges from the 1940s. Taken separately, the Lugar collection would strike you as anything but narcissistic. Three vanity Wheaties boxes celebrate his commitment to staying in shape. His Hoosiers movie poster promotes Indiana as naturally as the Maine delegation would push lobsters. And the vibrant snapshots of his 50th wedding anniversary and of Grandpa Dick cuddling with his grandchildren are pure Americana.
But in totality, the display is too much. Lugar doesn't have any pictures of celebrities in his office because he is the celebrity. You know those friends who send you a monthly slide show of their kids, documenting every time they burp or hiccup? Lugar is that friend. And he's the kids, too.
Photograph by Darren Garnick.
Special Posthumous Lifetime Vanity Award
Robert Byrd, D-W.Va.
Vanity Score: 7.40 Vanity Rank: Would have ranked 4.
Senator from:1959 to 2010 Died in office: June 28, 2010 Pics of himself: 75 Ego wall celebrities: Nancy Reagan, Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter, Joe Lieberman, Trent Lott.
We caught a glance at Sen. Byrd's office lobby as it was being packed up for the movers, and like all ego walls, his was an exercise in selective history. The wall of the longest-serving member of Congress, who was once a recruiter for the Ku Klux Klan, celebrated his membership in the Apple Butter Festival Hall of Fame and his selection as "Construction Man of the Decade," an honor bestowed on him by the Contractors Association of West Virginia for bringing federal dollars back home. Blanketed in commemorative plaques, Appalachian knickknacks, and photos of himself playing the violin, his office walls barely contained any negative space. If someone has an empty building in Charleston, the Byrd Museum is ready to go.
Honorable Mention
Lamar Alexander, R-Tenn.
Vanity score: 0 Vanity rank: Tied for 75th with 24 others.
Senator since: 2003 Status: Up for re-election in 2014 Pics of Himself: 0 Ego wall celebrities: None
So now that we know what makes a wall especially egotistical, what does it take to decorate at the opposite end of the spectrum? What makes an office humble? And can an office be so unassuming, so aw-shucks-this-is-just-where-I-keep-my-desk, that it actually becomes … vain?
Sen. Lamar Alexander, who brands himself as the regular guy in the regular guy shirt, is one of "The Humble 25," a group of senators who achieved an astounding zero score on the Vanity Index. These senators did not display a single picture of themselves in their lobbies, did not show off a significant amount of awards and also exhibited a tremendous amount of state pride. Alexander's potpourri of handcrafted banjos, pitchforks, and animal pelts lends his office the atmosphere of a dusty flea market—and the aged lumber paneling ironically reeks of pretentiousness. Alexander is trying way too hard to come across as folksy and down to earth. But that's always been his M.O.
The former secretary of education's red-and-black plaid shirt, the trademark of his 1996 presidential campaign, now rests under Plexiglass waiting for the Smithsonian to call. Thankfully, he does not require his staff to wear coonskin hats in Frontierland.
Photograph by Ilya Mirman.
Honorable Mention
Sherrod Brown, D-Ohio
Vanity score: 4.22 Vanity rank: 15
Senator since: 2007 Status: Up for re-election in 2012 Pics of himself: 6 Ego wall celebrities: John Glenn, Ted Kennedy, Robert Byrd.
Look Ma, I made the Congressional Record! Brown frames not only his own speeches but also statements from fellow senators commenting on his speeches.
Photograph by Ilya Mirman.
And now for some humility
Evan Bayh, D-Ind.
Vanity score: 3.94 Vanity rank: 19
Senator since: 1999 Status: Not running for re-election Pics of himself: 6 Ego wall celebrities: Barack Obama.
Sen. Evan Bayh could devote half his wall space to a Satanic shrine, and this Kodak moment with wife Susan and twin sons Beau and Nick would still melt our hearts. A dramatic contrast with most politicians on the campaign trail, this Dad doesn't hold a baby like a football. His twins will turn 15 in November. Bayh, who shocked the political world in February by announcing his retirement, said he was sickened by partisan bickering and no longer "loves" Congress. He has been the decorating antithesis of his Indiana colleague Richard Lugar, strategically selecting a few meaningful photos instead of wallpapering the office.
Photograph by Darren Garnick.
Lisa Murkowski, R-Alaska
Vanity score: 2.30 Vanity rank: Tied for 44th with three others.
Senator since: 2002 Status: Up for re-election next week Pics of herself: 9 Ego wall celebrities: None
Ousted in the Alaska Republican Primary by Tea Party insurgent Joe Miller, incumbent Lisa Murkowski's political career looked as alive as this monster salmon in August. Write-in campaigns are always tricky. They are even trickier when your last name is unspellable. But two weeks before Election Day, pollsters were calling her race a dead heat. Murkowski looks pretty charming and authentic in her fish photo. Her other pictures summon up imagery of an adventurous outdoorsy woman, too. There's a shot of her playfully posing with a snowman on the Capitol lawn and riding a motorcycle near the steps. Other snapshots feature her dog and show her skiing.
Her staff is blissfully aware of the contrast between their modest digs and the celebrity shrine currently occupied by No. 2 Ego Arlen Specter across the hall. "That guy," says an aide, "puts up pictures of himself everywhere!"
Photograph by Darren Garnick.
Christopher "Kit" Bond, R-Mo.
Vanity score: 1.69 Vanity rank: Tied for 51st
Senator since: 1987 Status: Retiring in 2011 Pics of himself: 1 Ego wall celebrities: None
Among the sea of Ivy League degrees and plaques from powerful lobbyists, it's refreshing to see Sen. Christopher "Kit" Bond brag about his impact in the coin-collecting world. Bond, who chose not to seek re-election this year, doesn't collect those state quarters with the cute pictures on the back. He was honored for standing up to a Chinese government effort to embargo the export of pre-1911 coins to the United States. Nonetheless, it looks like this kitschy certificate came from the back of a cereal box.
Photograph by Darren Garnick.
John "Jay" Rockefeller, D-W.Va.
Vanity score: 0.69 Vanity rank: Tied for 65th with nine others.
Senator since: 1985 Status: Up for re-election in 2014 Pics of himself: 1 Ego wall celebrities: None
Regardless of where they rank in the Vanity Index, every senator is by definition a photo-op machine. At pancake breakfasts and spaghetti suppers, they're mobbed by strangers to endlessly pose for scrapbooks, blogs, and Facebook. Everyone in Congress undoubtedly appears on countless ego walls of lobbyists and constituents.
So it's fascinating to see when the senators are the ones doing the asking—when they are giddy in the presence of celebrities more famous than them. Sharing a few memories and bits of nostalgia on the walls sparks conversation and allows visitors to learn more about their elected officials' personalities. But as we've discovered, there are extremes. Filled with almost 100 poses with world leaders and celebrities, John Kerry's office screams, "Don't you know who I am?" And it also screams, "Don't you know who knows who I am?"
Contrast his office with that of West Virginia's John D. Rockefeller IV, who happily brags about his ties to local quilters. His homey office is dominated by colorful tapestries, creating the aura of a public library reading room. We're not saying the Kerrys, Liebermans, and Cornyns of the Senate need to go that far. But they might consider that, in office décor as in politics, moderation has its virtues.
Photograph by Ilya Mirman
Like Delaware Tea Party darling Christine O'Donnell, who memorably taped an ad for her U.S. Senate bid coyly declaring, "I'm You," politicians spend their campaigns desperately trying to pretend they are ordinary folk. But when it comes time to decorate their offices, the theme is often "I am so not you!" Stroll through any senator's office and you'll find scores of mini museums doubling as waiting rooms. The content of their exhibits varies widely, ranging from historical artifacts and sports memorabilia to expansive ego walls dedicated only to themselves.
There's nothing wrong with being proud of a career achievement or showing off the time you met a celebrity at a charity golf tournament. But when do a few photos or plaques transmogrify into a self-aggrandizing shrine? Where is the line between modest pride and out-of-control egomania?
In a quest to find out, we developed the Senate Vanity Index, a formula that measures the level of egotism displayed in each senator's lobby, the part of his or her office open to the public. (Here's a look at the math—really!—behind our formula. And here's the raw data, in convenient spreadsheet form.) Visiting all 100 offices, we counted every award and picture on the walls—giving special weight to each senator's poses with celebrities, presidents, and foreign dignitaries. We make no claims that our vanity formula is flawless. But we do feel comfortable declaring that we have found a truly bipartisan issue: Of the top 10 egos in our rankings, five are Republicans, four are Democrats, and one is an independent who caucuses with the Democrats.
Six of those top 10 have run for president, but four are leaving office, meaning that some of the Senate's most spectacular ego walls will soon be dismantled. Fortunately, we have captured them for posterity—as well as several more exhibitions of senatorial splendor. View a slide show featuring the top 10 egos in the Senate, as well as a special bonus of some rare displays of modesty.
