Barbie '08
Archie Bunker, Mr. Clean, and more of history's greatest fictional presidential candidates.
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The Candidate: Snoopy
Campaign Years: 1960, 1964, 1968, 2008
Corporate Sponsor: Hallmark Greeting Cards
Presidential Chops: Military strategist who can neutralize enemy air power from the roof of a doghouse.
In 1960, at the height of tensions with the Soviet Union, Hallmark took the tough-guy approach. Vote for Snoopy, "A Distinguished Combat Hero!" their cocktail napkins exclaimed. This early advertising relic is also notable for capturing the reality of women's roles in the 1960s, touting Lucy Van Pelt only as a possible First Lady—never mind that the role would require her to marry either a dog or her brother, Linus. (Charlie Brown winning was, and is, out of the question.)
Five decades later, Snoopy and friends are still active in national politics. Snoopy remains dominant in this fall's online election, which is meant to drum up sales for the classic Peanuts movie You're Not Elected, Charlie Brown. Charles M. Schulz* Museum in California is also staging its own election and projects another Snoopy landslide.
Correction, Nov. 4, 2008: This piece originally misspelled Charles M. Schulz's last name. (Return to the corrected sentence.) -
The Candidate: Yogi Bear
Campaign Year: 1964
Corporate Sponsor: Hanna-Barbera Productions
Presidential Chops: Long career as a tourist attraction at Jellystone National Park. Track record of redistributing picnic baskets from humans to bears could turn off some voters.
During 1964's Johnson-Goldwater race, in which America's fears about nuclear war were stoked by LBJ's infamous daisy ad, Hanna-Barbera had more lighthearted conflicts on its agenda. That year, the cartoon firm focused on the anti-authoritarian stories of pampered wildlife vs. park ranger (Yogi and Ranger Smith) and exotic pet vs. pet-store owner (Magilla Gorilla and Mr. Peebles).
Here's where savvy children's cartoon merchandising came into play. To introduce their new gorilla character, which had just launched a toy line, they tossed him in the presidential ring with the more established Yogi, who also had a feature film coming out that year. Hanna-Barbera also skillfully cross-promoted supporting characters (Huckleberry Hound, Boo Boo) by giving them vice-presidential bids and other campaign roles. -
The Candidate: Archie Bunker
Campaign Year: 1972
Corporate Sponsor: CBS Television
Presidential Chops: The cabdriver and bar owner exudes regular-guy authenticity. Might alienate Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, atheists, Hispanics, Asians, and blacks.
Perhaps the smuggest sociology experiment in television history, All in the Family allowed millions of Americans to listen to the racist rants of an overweight, uneducated, working-class, white bigot—and then assure themselves that Archie Bunker didn't represent them. Based on Bunker's passionate defense of Richard Nixon, CBS reached out to the American left with a satirical campaign referring to liberals as "Meatheads." In real life, O'Connor leapt off the ideological cliff in 1980, calling President Jimmy Carter a sellout Republican and throwing his support to Ted Kennedy. -
The Candidate: Arthur Fonzarelli, aka "the Fonz"
Campaign Year: 1976
Corporate Sponsor: ABC Television
Presidential Chops: This motorcycle mechanic and restaurateur is the King of Cool. Could be hampered by womanizing. Also once sheltered an illegal alien, Mork from Ork.
The stressful 1970s were a lot like today, rife with unemployment and high energy prices. While Archie and Edith Bunker longed to escape to the much simpler Depression years, Happy Days viewers dreamed about the soda counters and drive-in movie theaters of the 1950s. Unsurprisingly, Arthur Fonzarelli's electoral push—vote for the Fonz because he's cool—was far more straightforward and less satirical than the Archie Bunker for President campaign.
If Happy Days lunchbox owners swing the 2008 election, Barack Obama will be happy—and he'll have Ron Howard to thank. Coaxed by his Happy Days co-star, Henry Winkler greased back his hair once again and put on a leather jacket (the original is in the Smithsonian) to endorse Obama in an online video. (Bonus trivia: Howard's Richie was heartbroken when Democrat Adlai Stevenson lost to Eisenhower in 1956. Fonzie liked Ike.)
Correction, Nov. 3, 2008: This piece originally and incorrectly stated that Richie and Fonzie both supported Adlai Stevenson. Fonzie backed Dwight Eisenhower. -
The Candidate: Alfred E. Neuman
Campaign Year: Every election since 1956
Corporate Sponsor: DC Comics
Presidential Chops: The MAD Magazine mascot never gets stressed out in a crisis.
MAD Magazine has never tried to convince its cynical readers that politics are cool. Long before The Daily Show and the Onion, Alfred E. Neuman made hay by ridiculing the electoral process. Over the last decade, MAD has become an unapologetic anti-Republican organ. Neuman is the perfect poster boy for opponents of the $700 billion mortgage bailout and the slew of corporate rescue packages to come.
This year, however, MAD has achieved a political miracle: finding common ground between Barack Obama and George W. Bush. At the Al Smith charity roast, the Democratic nominee self-effacingly declared he has the "ears of Alfred E. Neuman." Bush, meanwhile, has been parodied as a clueless "What, Me Worry?" kind of guy on countless occasions. -
The Candidate: Fred Flintstone
Campaign Year: 1996
Corporate Sponsor: Bayer, parent company of Flintstones Vitamins
Presidential Chops: This rock quarry operator is the ultimate "Joe the Plumber," but like John McCain, he's not comfortable using the Internet.
An example of a phony presidential campaign that falls flat. Staying true to its advertising mission, Bayer uses "growth" to refer to boosting the economy and providing kids with vitamin-rich nutrition. It's not clear why advertising execs thought that an economic message would appeal to the nation's children. Also, given Fred and Barney's lot as manual laborers, you would think universal health care or workers' comp would be more appropriate issues.
Proving that the Flintstones still do resonate politically, souvenir vendors at the 2008 Democratic National Convention were doing a brisk business selling "McCain: The Early Years" buttons—showing the Republican nominee's head on Rubble's body. -
The Candidate: Ken Griffey Jr.
Campaign Year: 1996
Corporate Sponsor: Nike
Presidential Chops: The slugging outfielder would be one of the more accomplished politicians-turned-athletes of our generation.
Considering that our current president was once a part-owner of the Texas Rangers, this Nike campaign—in which Griffey ran on the same ticket as Seattle's Mariner Moose mascot—made a lot of sense. One TV spot featured an endorsement from Bill Clinton's campaign strategist James Carville and had Republican presidential candidate Steve Forbes demanding to know the Moose's position on the flat tax. Political junkies loved the bit, but Griffey reportedly thought it was ridiculous. Nonetheless, rival sneaker company Fila took the bait and put up its own candidate: future Hall of Fame first baseman Eddie Murray. -
The Candidate: Mr. Clean
Campaign Year: 2000
Corporate Sponsor: Procter & Gamble
Presidential Chops: Never mind Fred Flintstone—this follicly challenged janitor is the ultimate "Joe the Plumber."
This fantasy genie to overworked housewives is the rare fictional presidential candidate who ran on a platform that was actually kind of presidential. Rather than just producing cutesy postcards urging supermarket shoppers to vote, Procter & Gamble launched its own mini FEMA, sending teams to clean up areas hit by natural disasters and urban blight. -
The Candidate: Barbie
Campaign Years: 1992, 2000, 2004, 2008
Corporate Sponsor: Mattel
Presidential Chops: She's a gymnast, doctor, nurse, cheerleader, and astronaut. She's also, in the words of her press secretary, "stunning" and "gorgeous" and "breathtaking."
A new study released by Northwestern University concludes that, all other things being equal, the gorgeous female candidate will trump an average-looking woman every time. And that's with women voters, too. That's good news for Barbie, who is more girly than Hillary Clinton, Elizabeth Dole, and Carol Moseley Braun combined.
While feminists mock Presidential Barbie's pink cell phone and matching pink laptop, Mattel's savvy partnership with the White House Project—a nonprofit dedicated to getting a woman elected to the nation's highest office—is a reminder that little girls don't have to strive to be first lady anymore. Another sign of this social transformation: Lucy Van Pelt is a presidential candidate in the 2008 Peanuts Election. Sure, she'll likely get trounced even worse than McCain will in the real one. But there's no longer any talk of Lucy marrying a dog. -
The Candidate: Captain Morgan
Campaign Years: 2000, 2004, 2008
Corporate Sponsor: Diageo, parent company of Captain Morgan rum, Smirnoff vodka, and other popular liquor brands
Presidential Chops: The rum-guzzling, rum-smuggling pirate has a certain swaggering confidence. The real Captain Morgan was born in Jamaica, however, disqualifying him for the presidency.
Meet the anti-Barbie candidate. Mattel's earnest ambition is to change the way girls dream about their lives. Diageo's corporate mascot wants those girls to get a little older and into fishnet stockings. Captain Morgan strutted around this year's Democratic and Republican conventions pledging to create five-day weekends and "put the party back into party politics." While the women are wearing "Drink Responsibly" sashes, this swashbuckler is fooling no one. The Captain Morgan campaign works precisely because it's the opposite of the standard spokescharacter run for office. At this point, nobody's surprised when a cartoon dog or a plastic doll takes a crack at the presidency. There's still something novel, though, about a candidate whose platform is "drink, drink, drink." (No Ted Kennedy jokes, please.)
Thanks to his son Morty, Paulsen is running for president this year from the grave. Franken and humorist Dave Barry have also gotten significant book-tour mileage in the past by declaring themselves Oval Office hopefuls. Beyond leveraging a fake political campaign for personal career advancement, the tactic is also a proven way to move products. More than a year before Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin was branded "Caribou Barbie," the doll herself launched her fourth bid for the White House. Corporate mascots such as Mr. Clean have long used election seasons to create buzz for supermarket coupons, while television shows like All in the Family and Happy Days have likewise been drawn to the allure of presidential marketing.
Click here to read a slide-show essay on history's greatest fictional presidential candidates.
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