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Updated Wednesday, March 14, 2001, at 11:30 PM ET

Welcome to the home page of Blorple Falls, West Carolina! We're proud to be known throughout the eastern West Carolina region as the "Birthplace of Vice Presidents." Here are some of our home-grown Web pages:

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We're proud to be home to the regional offices of the federal government's Extraneous Services Administration: "A little bit of this, a little bit of that, since 1974." Current ESA activities include administration of covert projects, maintenance of the Congressional Salad Bar, and disbursement of surplus items such as the historic but adorable two-headed catboon. (Note: The two-headed catboon eats raw meat only.) You can even browse the ESA's catalog of unique and humorous gift items! (Webmaster: Bill Barol.)

We're proud to host the Second Annual Blorple Falls Film Festival. This year the fest features the work of portly comedian Happy Gay—known throughout the music halls of England as "500 Pounds of Fun!" Screenings will include Happy Gay's Picnic Panic (1915), Out to Lunch (1915), and Waffles, Waffles, Waffles! (1916) (Please note that the theater will be closed Wednesday for a sneak preview of Pokémon IV: Charmander v. Bulbasaur.) (Webmaster: Dave Nuttycombe et al.)

We're proud to be home to UBuyThisNow.com, the Interent's premier auction site. UBuyThisNow.com puts the "fun" back in "fundamentally unsound business model"! As they like to say, it's just like your neighborhood swap meet, only without the greasy stench of kielbasa. (Webmaster: Bill Barol.)

We're proud to have withstood the People for the Correct Way's protests over the treatment of Canadian Jainists, as well as their pernicious attempts to mandate teacher homosexuality in our schools! (Webmaster: Gregg Easterbrook.)

We're proud to be home to Rep. Blanton Foghorn, our congressman and an upstanding supporter of low taxes, less government, and an SUV blocking every driveway. (Webmaster: Gregg Easterbrook.)

We're proud to be home to Foghorn Motors, the largest SUV dealer in this part of the South and your source for the new Godzilla SUV! (Webmaster: Gregg Easterbrook.)

We're proud to be the former home of Frank LaPierre, singer Mindy D'Stasio's biggest fan and creator of her No. 1 Web site. (All inquiries as to Mr. LaPierre's current whereabouts will be referred to the Legal Department of the City of Blorple Falls.) (Webmaster: Bill Barol.)