Today’s biggest stories:
- Donald Trump swept last night’s primaries, doing even better than expected and setting himself up to win the Republican nomination on the convention’s first ballot. (He put a button on his victory speech by making a typically sexist remark about Hillary Clinton. Also, here’s today’s extra-panicky Trump Apocalypse Watch.)
- Former House speaker Dennis Hastert was sentenced to prison by a judge who called him a “serial child molester.”
- Ted Cruz, looking for traction, made a big deal of announcing that Carly Fiorina will be his running mate if he gets nominated.
- Former Virginia governor Bob McDonnell attended Supreme Court oral arguments in the case of his own criminal conviction.
- Bernie Sanders was unable to gain any ground on Hillary Clinton on Tuesday; he almost certainly can’t win the Democratic nomination and has begun laying off staffers.
- Trump gave a Very Serious Foreign Policy speech that didn’t make sense, but may have had its intended effect of seeming Serious and Presidential.
- An Apple employee was found dead of a gunshot wound in a conference room.
- And a high-level NFL draft prospect named Eli Apple was anonymously criticized in print by a scout because—we are not making this up—the scout doesn’t think Apple knows how to cook.
