The Gripe Sweepstakes
Customer complaint letters: Pick the winner!
2 January 2011
Dear Mr. Robertson,
Are you still in charge of Eagle TWE? If so, I have a problem I hope you can help me resolve. Almost a year ago I sent my rebate coupon, a self-addressed stamped envelope, and a letter to the rebate address, but have yet to hear back about my condom rebate or about the expired condom I was sold from a vending machine in or near Lynchburg, Virginia.
I have attached a copy of my original letter to this message. Could you see that my rebate and refund or replacement condom is sent?
(Result: Crowder received eight unexpired condoms.)
7) A customer complaint in verse.
BONES by Gayle Knutson
[Sent to Campbell's Soup Co. in May 1993]
I think that I shall never see
a bone as pointed as is thee.
A bone whose crunch heard in my head
was loud enough to wake the dead.
A bone I found within your soup
I served for dinner to my troop.
A bone that may have choked a cat
was hidden in a piece of fat.
Upon whose label it did not list
the skeletal part that did exist.
Timothy Noah is a former Slate staffer. His book about income inequality is The Great Divergence.
Illustration by Robert Neubecker.