The Baby Cage, Curved Gun and Other Dumb Inventions

The following inventions will be remembered, not because they changed history, but because they are stupid.

Baby Cage, 1937

The wire cages were distributed to members of the Chelsea Baby Club in London who had no gardens or qualms about putting a child in a box dangling over a busy street. Needless to say they did not take off as a childrearing device.

Photograph by Reg Speller/Getty Images.
Baby Holder, 1937

Jack Milford (right), player with the Wembley Monarchs ice hockey team, invented a carrying device so that his baby could join his wife and himself on the ice. Who wouldn't want to take something as fragile as a baby onto a rock-hard surface with very little friction?
Photograph by L. C. Buckley/Getty Images via LIFE.com.
Dog Restrainer, 1940

This is no longer found at pet stores.

Photograph by BIPS/Getty Images via LIFE.com.
Cup Bras, 1949

Charles L. Langs poses with his creation, the strapless, backless, wireless, support-less bras. His wife is dubious.
Curved Barrel Machine Gun, 1953

This M3 sub-machine gun had a curved barrel for shooting around corners. It's the perfect gun for the "shoot first, look where you're shooting later" kind of guy.
Photograph by Keystone/Getty Images via LIFE.com
Rainy Day Cigarette Holder, 1954

President of Zeus Corp., Robert L. Stern, smokes a cigarette from his self-designed rainy day cigarette holder.
Photograph by Yale Joel via LIFE.com. YALE JOEL
Illuminated Tires, 1961

A woman adjusts her stocking by the light of Goodyear's illuminated tires. The tire is made from a single piece of synthetic rubber and is brightly lit by bulbs mounted inside the wheel rim.
Photograph by Douglas Miller/Getty Images via LIFE.com.
External Turkey Roaster, 1966

You want to really make an impression on the in-laws this Thanksgiving? Try to dredge up one of these on eBay.
Photograph by Reg Speller/Getty Images.
Beating Breasts, 1963

A pair of artificial breasts with a built-in heartbeat, an invention from Japan, intended as a sleeping aid for very young children.
Photograph by Keystone/Getty Images.
Anti-Bandit Bag, 1963

Inventor John H.T. Rinfret demonstrates his anti-bandit bag. To foil thieves the chain is pulled and the bottom of the case falls out, scattering the contents. That'll stop those thieves from getting your money! No, wait. It won't.
Photograph by Fred Mott/Getty Images via LIFE.com.
Hubbard Electrometer, 1968

American science fiction writer and founder of the Church of Scientology L. Ron Hubbard uses his electrometer to determine whether tomatoes experience pain. His work led him to the conclusion that tomatoes "scream when sliced."
Photograph by Evening Standard/Getty Images.
See more dumb inventions, including the rocket belt, flying platform, and the cat-mew machine on LIFE.com.

Shower Hood, 1970

For the woman who does not like to wash off her makeup. This is actually some merit to this concept, but the plastic hood just didn't fly with the ladies.

Photograph by Keystone/Getty Images.