The Mixology of Man Sauce and Breast Milk, Gross

The XX Factor
What Women Really Think
April 10 2013 10:00 AM

The Mixology of Man Sauce and Breast Milk, Gross

Step 1: Sip drink. Step 2: Ask what's in drink. Step 3: Use toothpick to gouge out your eyes.

Photo by Isaac Brekken/Getty Images for Nightclub & Bar Media Group

I had a great time serving as taste-tester extraordinaire during Slate’s March Madness Martini Bracket. I met some interesting people, gained insight into the rhetoric of the Washington boys’ club crowd at happy hour, and developed a taste for gin martinis. After the assignment, I was eager to taste and contribute more. But I’ve since learned of one type of cocktail, thankfully not included in the bracket, that would have made my human-guinea-pig duties much harder to swallow.

Ladies and gentlemen: the semen-based cocktail.

As SF Weekly reports, semen-cooking enthusiast Paul “Fotie” Photenhauer has followed up his 2011 Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes with Semenology: The Semen Bartender’s Handbook, which comes in a dual volume set.


Recipes include the “Watermelon Gin Jizz,” “Slightly Saltier Caviar,” and “Mexican Cumslide.”

Photenhauer says he uses these recipes to enhance intimacy during sexual encounters, but I’m not sure how keen most women would be to be served a cocktail which gives new meaning to the term “food porn.”

While not proven, alleged health benefits that come from ingesting seminal plasma are said to include increased energy, improved quality of sleep, and reduced stress. (I think I’d prefer to work out and eat my vegetables.)

But semen isn’t the only human excretion making its way into our drinks.

Breast-milk cocktails are, surprisingly, more common than one might think. In 2010, the Huffington Post ran a piece on "mother’s milk cocktails for stay-at-home-dads." Writer and father Tony Sachs had developed a series of cocktails mixed with his wife’s milk in an effort to alleviate the surplus she was producing. Father knows breast, I suppose.

Among the concoctions were “The Boob Abides” (a lot like a traditional White Russian), “ ‘Taking Brandy from a Baby’ Milk Punch,” and “Medela Tequila Punch” (Medela is a breast pump brand).

Both the semen and breast milk cocktails are worrisome given that HIV, CMV (herpes virus), and other STI’s are transferred through the exchanging, and presumably sipping, of bodily fluids.

While I fancy a creative martini, I don’t think I’ll be venturing into the land of semen or breast-milk infused drinks anytime soon, or ever. That’s pretty much the jizz-st of it.



Smash and Grab

Will competitive Senate contests in Kansas and South Dakota lead to more late-breaking races in future elections?

I Am 25. I Don’t Work at Facebook. My Doctors Want Me to Freeze My Eggs.

The XX Factor
Oct. 20 2014 6:17 PM I Am 25. I Don’t Work at Facebook. My Doctors Want Me to Freeze My Eggs.

Republicans Want the Government to Listen to the American Public on Ebola. That’s a Horrible Idea.

The Most Ingenious Teaching Device Ever Invented

Tom Hanks Has a Short Story in the New Yorker. It’s Not Good.

Brow Beat

Marvel’s Civil War Is a Far-Right Paranoid Fantasy

It’s also a mess. Can the movies do better?

Watching Netflix in Bed. Hanging Bananas. Is There Anything These Hooks Can’t Solve?

The Procedural Rule That Could Prevent Gay Marriage From Reaching SCOTUS Again

  News & Politics
Oct. 20 2014 8:14 PM You Should Be Optimistic About Ebola Don’t panic. Here are all the signs that the U.S. is containing the disease.
Oct. 20 2014 7:23 PM Chipotle’s Magical Burrito Empire Keeps Growing, Might Be Slowing
Oct. 20 2014 3:16 PM The Catholic Church Is Changing, and Celibate Gays Are Leading the Way
  Double X
The XX Factor
Oct. 20 2014 6:17 PM I Am 25. I Don't Work at Facebook. My Doctors Want Me to Freeze My Eggs.
  Slate Plus
Tv Club
Oct. 20 2014 7:15 AM The Slate Doctor Who Podcast: Episode 9 A spoiler-filled discussion of "Flatline."
Brow Beat
Oct. 20 2014 9:13 PM The Smart, Talented, and Utterly Hilarious Leslie Jones Is SNL’s Newest Cast Member
Future Tense
Oct. 20 2014 4:59 PM Canadian Town Cancels Outdoor Halloween Because Polar Bears
  Health & Science
Medical Examiner
Oct. 20 2014 11:46 AM Is Anybody Watching My Do-Gooding? The difference between being a hero and being an altruist.
Sports Nut
Oct. 20 2014 5:09 PM Keepaway, on Three. Ready—Break! On his record-breaking touchdown pass, Peyton Manning couldn’t even leave the celebration to chance.