If you were trying to construct the perfect morsel of news for late night comedians to address in their opening monologues, could you do better than Ted Cruz and stepmom porn? On Tuesday night, Jimmy Kimmel savored the greatest Twitter gaff since covfefe: Ted Cruz’s official Twitter account “inadvertently” liking a porn tweet from @SexuallPosts.
Looking into how this happy accident may have occured, Kimmel considered a few possibilities, the most appealing of which being that Cruz—who once supported banning sex toys—is fed up with being boring, uptight Ted and has decided, “Screw it, I watch porn in public now.” While it’s unclear if the conservative senator actually got off to the tweet in question, Kimmel wasn’t about to let him get off easy (again). After all, the senator really ought to be punished “for being a very naughty boy.”
Kimmel’s punishment came in the form of a mock super PAC ad, which defended the senator while utilizing an array of the creepiest images of him in existence. Sorry, make that the creepiest image in existence. “Does this look like a man who watches porn on his phone?” the video asks. “Do you believe this Princeton-educated man is so unware of how to indulge his sexual urges in a healthy way, he memorized the name of a porn handle so he could come back later and watch the videos without following the account itself?”
Though it’s fun to speculate, Kimmel ultimately doesn’t think this normal human behavior could have been Senator Cruz. Ted Cruz isn’t turned on by sex. No, says Kimmel, “Cruz masturbates to pictures of poor people without healthcare.”
