MARK WAHLBERG: And the winner of the Slate Culture Staff Oscar Pool is … We have a tie. A three-way tie.
[Audience GASPS!]
With 18 points, the first winner is Assistant Editor L.V. Anderson!
[Applause! ORCHESTRA plays “Don’t Do Me Like That.”]
ANDERSON: [Whispers] It came true.
Thank you so much to the Academy for this and for letting me compete me with Allison Benedikt, Jeffrey Bloomer, Byron Boneparth, David Haglund, Aisha Harris, Dan Kois, Bryan Lowder, David Plotz, Emma Roller, Jeremy Stahl, John Swansburg, Chris Wade, Katy Waldman, and Dave Weigel … Please say I just said everyone. Dan Kois again, just to be safe. I look up to you all so much and it’s just been such an honor. Thank you. There are so many people whose generosity and support is the reason I’m standing here right now. I must thank Forrest Wickman, my Oscar movie-marathon live-blogging partner. Forrest, you’re the best. The creative team behind my predictions, led by the lion-hearted David Rothschild, whose data I stole wholesale for the Slate Oscar Pool. By far and away, the greatest moment of my life is the one when Dr. Rothschild walked into it.
[Jaws theme begins playing]
Here’s hoping that someday in the not too distant future the misfortunes of movie-marathon live-bloggers will only be found in stories and never more in real life. Thank you.
WAHLBERG: The second winner is Video Producer Chris Wade.
[Applause. Orchestra: “Video Killed the Radio Star.”]
WADE: Wow, I, I don’t know what to say. From the outset, it just seemed unbelievable that I would ever end up here, and yet here I am. I guess in the end it just goes to show that it never hurts to follow your heart. Sure, my ballot was couched with ample strategic cynicism, and assuming the academy would lavish praise on the stunning mediocrity of Argo did pay off in spades. But what I’m most proud of is sticking to my guns in the categories I felt passionate about. I knew going in voting Roger Deakins and Skyfall for best cinematography and especially voting Kushner’s stunning Lincoln script for best adapted screenplay were losing propositions. But now standing here, accepting this reward, and knowing I was still able to give my spiritual support to my ideals of elegance, nuance and sophistication in Hollywood filmmaking fills me with honor and gratitude to this Oscar pool. Thank you, members of the Slate Culture Oscar Pool, thank you America, and how much was riding on this? Where do I pick up my check? Or are you guys just gonna treat me to a happy hour or something? I’m down with that.
WAHLBERG: And finally, the third winner is Politics Writer Dave Weigel.
[Applause. Orchestra: “21st Century Schizoid Man.”]
WEIGEL: Wow! Wow! Oh my God—I never believed this could happen to me! [Closes eyes, whispers “I love you” to invisible statuette.] First of all I want to thank my agent, Dan Kois, who told me to enter this Oscar pool. He never stopped believing in me. I want to thank my lack of more interesting hobbies for allowing me to spend previous years noticing which kind of movies sweep the technical and design awards—prestige special effects movies for the former, costume nonsense for the latter. I want to thank Washington, D.C. for imbuing me with cynicism, cynicism that assured me a “your industry can save the world!” movie like Argo would win over more daring movies. And I want to thank the troops, because you can’t resent somebody after he thanks the troops.
First place: 18 points
Assistant Editor L.V. Anderson
Video Producer Chris Wade
Politics Writer Dave Weigel
Fourth place: 17 points
SlateV Blogger Jeffrey Bloomer
Staff Writer Forrest Wickman
The unwashed masses:
15 Brow Beat Assistant Aisha Harris
14 Brow Beat Editor David Haglund
12 DoubleX Managing Editor Allison Benedikt
12 Politics Editorial Assistant Emma Roller
11 Culture Intern Byron Boneparth
10 Editor David Plotz
10 Social Media Editor Jeremy Stahl
8 Senior Culture Editor Dan Kois
7 Culture Editorial Assistant Bryan Lowder
8 Editorial Director John Swansburg
5 Assistant Editor Katy Waldman
Correction, Feb. 25, 2013: This post originally suggested that Forrest Wickman earned fifth place in the Slate Culture Staff Oscar Pool, with 16 points. Wickman earned fourth place, with 17 points.
