June 17, 2000: UPDATE!!! Mindy testified this week at Congressional hearings into so-called "sweatshop labor," chaired by Rep. Blanton Foghorn. (Click here for a soundbite.) Afterwards, Mindy and Rep. Foghorn exchanged gifts: He gave her a signed copy of his latest legislation, the "Foghorn Anti-Redundancy Initiative Proposal," and she gave him a special limited-edition German CD of "Quit Playing Volleyball With My Heart ('Cuz It Hurts When You Spike My Love)." Then they posed for pictures and traded digits. Mindy's testimony, which had been planned for months, is just one more example of her patriotic concern for her fellow man–and girl!!!

June 15, 2000: Mindy is nowhere near New York City when investigators from the state Department of Labor shut down a loft owned by MindyCorp Enterprises. The papers totally get the story wrong when they claim that 26 Haitian girls employed there are "virtual prisoners who (worked) up to 21 hours a day sewing Mindy D'Stasio labels on cheap black-market blue jeans ... (suffering) beatings and emotional abuse if they attempted to leave." Mindy's manager Mark "Eyelashes" Margulies clears everything up when he explains that the women were actually members of a Port-au-Prince Girl Scout troop on a volunteer trip to NYC to sew Mindy D'Stasio merit badges for poor kids! Memo to the media: Get it right, guys!!!

May 21, 2000: Mindy is the new spokesperson for Magnitude Motors' Godzilla SUV!!! Look for her in TV and radio spots this summer, and listen up for the jammin' new Godzilla jingle she wrote (yes, HERSELF!!!). We hear the lyrics include lines like: "Godzilla Godzilla/ You're a mod thrilla/ A 6-ton 30-foot Camry killa/ Magnitude financing, 1 point 8/ (offer not valid in Washington State)"!!! For those of you who've been keeping track, this brings our girl's roster of commercial endorsements to over 75(!!!), including Hype Cola, Thrombo-A-Go-Go snack cakes, "Bring The Pain" croissant delivery service, Funky Fresh Auto Insurance, and the Texas Department of Corrections!!! Go ahead on, girl!!!

May 3, 2000: News flash from my sources at NBC, who tell me Mindy is confirmed on the Rosie O'Donnell Show May 15!!! Mindy and Rosie will be performing a duet of "You're the Top." Also scheduled for that day is Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, who will be dueting with Rosie on "Walkin' on Sunshine."

April 23, 2000: Regular readers of this page will remember that Mindy and her people have been looking for a charitable event to sponsor, but lost the Glaucoma Walk-a-Thon to Britney Spears and the Diverticulitis Dance-a-Thon to Christina Aguilera–prompting our girl to note that "all the good 'a-thons' are taken." Well, big news! Negotiations have just been completed for Mindy to sponsor the Long Beach Island Bass Derby off the Jersey Shore. Watch for the event, now called the "Mindy D'Stasio Celebrity Bass-a-Thon," later this spring!!!

April 11, 2000: A tremendous honor this week for Mindy, in her role as UNICEF International Teen Ambassadress of Good Will: a private audience with His Holiness Pope John Paul II!!! Mindy and the holy father met for about 15 minutes during a Vatican City stopover on Mindy's European tour. The pope commended Mindy for her "endorsement of positive values and the spirit of Christian probity," and Mindy gifted the pope with a rare Japanese pressing of "(Baby Let Me Be Your) Slut Bomb."