Exotic places like American Samoa, Guam, and Rhode Island don’t get many moments in the national spotlight, so during Tuesday night’s roll call to nominate a presidential contender, their delegations to the Republican National Convention made the most of their time at the mic. Which delegation did the finest job bragging? Here is Slate’s definitive ranking of all 56 of them, from blandest to best—plus a video rundown of every delegation’s single best brag. (Some brags have been truncated.)
56. Louisiana: “The sportsman’s paradise headquartered in Terrebonne Parish … casts 31 votes for the next president of the United States, who will restore our national sovereignty by building a wall, Donald Trump.”
55. Pennsylvania: “The Keystone State, the home of the Stanley Cup champion Pittsburgh Penguins, the home of Republican Sen. Pat Toomey, the home of 13 Republican congressmen, the state that will decide the 20 electoral votes on November 8.”
54. Ohio: “Home of Cleveland, the city of champions, and the host of the Republican National Convention.”
53. Hawaii: “Aloha from the great state of Hawaii.”
52. Vermont: “Home of Calvin Coolidge, the 30th president of the United States, was nominated in Cleveland in 1924 with his running mate from Ohio, Charles Dodge from Marietta, Ohio. One of Calvin Coolidge’s many quotes: ‘Don’t expect to build up the weak by pulling down the strong.’ “
51. Illinois: “We have the finest governor in our nation in Gov. Bruce Rauner.”
50. Montana: “Praise to God for the quiet beauty of our state, the grandeur of our mountains, the vastness of our rolling plains, and desiring to improve the quality of life, equality of opportunity, and to secure the blessings of liberty for this and future generations.”
49. Mississippi: “The birthplace of America’s music.”
48. California: “100 percent rock-solid pro-Trump delegation.”
47. Oklahoma: “The heartland of America and the reddest state in the union. Oklahoma has a heritage of strong and conservative leadership, electing Republicans to every congressional and statewide office with super-majorities in both state legislative chambers. Oklahoma is proud to produce and supply the energy and agriculture that fuels this country and the world.”
46. Virginia: “The mother of presidents and the capital of freedom. Where liberty sprouted from the roots of gemstone, where patriots’ dreams came true.”
45. Nebraska: “The good life with great opportunity, the home of Silicon Prairie News, the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers, the No. 1 beef-producing state in the union, a place where people find happiness from honest work, and where a person’s word is their bond.”
44. Maryland: “America in miniature and home of the beautiful Chesapeake Bay, home to the oldest state capitol in continuous use, where George Washington resigned as commander-in-chief of the Continental Army, birthplace of our national anthem, home of the United States Naval Academy, and the American League East first-place team Baltimore Orioles.”
43. Indiana: “Who under the strong, conservative leadership of vice presidential nominee Gov. Mike Pence has a $2 billion surplus with over 150,000 private-sector new jobs since 2013, with more Hoosiers working today than ever before in our 200-year history.”
42. North Dakota: “Home of the current and five-consecutive-year national FCS Football champions the North Dakota State University Bison, and at the same time, the home of the national hockey champions the University of North Dakota Fighting Hawks, and the only state in the United States last year to actually grow younger.”
41. Nevada: “Where blue lives matter. We are battle-born, voting for the first Republican president in 1864. We are proud of our nation. From the great shores of Lake Tahoe to the most entertaining capital city, Las Vegas, Nevada [ed. note: the capital of Nevada is Carson City], this time what’s said in Las Vegas will not stay in Las Vegas.”
40. Missouri: “Home to the World Series champions Kansas City Royals, home of 11-time world champion St. Louis Cardinals, the birthplace of talk radio and AM 1120 KMOX, the voice of St. Louis, home of 12-time delegate and conservative icon Phyllis Schlafly, birthplace of ragtime music and our great Sen. Roy Blunt.”
39. Texas: “The greatest job-creating state in the country, the 12th-largest economy on the planet, a state where no Democrat has won statewide office since 1992, and where every Texan has the back of our law-enforcement officers.”
38. Georgia: “The peach state, representing the No. 1 state in the country for business and business growth in the nation.”
37. Northern Mariana Islands: “From the most Republican territory, where the weather is 85 degrees all year round.”
36. Colorado: “The frontier state, where the plains meet the Rocky Mountains on God’s most beautiful piece of real estate, home of Sen. Cory Gardner, future senator Darryl Glenn, and the world champion Denver Broncos.”
35. Wisconsin: “Home to RNC Chairman Reince Priebus and U.S. Speaker of the House Paul Ryan … The birthplace of the Republican Party, the home of the 13-time world champion Green Bay Packers, and the home of the greatest motorcycles in the world, Harley-Davidson.”
34. New Jersey: “The Garden State, the greatest state in the union, and the state that cast the highest overall percentage of its popular vote for Mr. Trump.”
33. Maine: “Home of rugged coastlines, beautiful forests, pristine Lakes, home of Gov. Paul LePage, Sen. Susan Collins, and congressman Bruce Poliquin, a state that has only one remaining Democrat federal elected official, the state that began the Republican revival in America’s northeast. It is leading the way to make New England great again. A state that’s led with welfare reform, spending and tax cuts, strong Second Amendment rights, and has made Maine work again with GOP leadership.”
32. Washington: “The evergreen state, we are standing tall. Our beautiful state of volcanoes, the mighty Columbia River, vast wheat fields, and yes, often the national Christmas tree, also the proud home of the Boeing airplane company, celebrating its 100th anniversary this month, builders of the greatest jets in the world, we are named after the first president of the United States.”
31. Oregon: “The land of unrivaled natural beauty, snowy mountain peaks, majestic river valleys, serene high deserts, the great American pinot noir, Tillamook cheese and hazelnuts, home of a great congressman, Greg Walden, and the reigning Major League Soccer champions the Portland Timbers, home of TrackTown USA, and the place where Nike made Ducks and Beavers cool, ground zero in the fight against Democrat corruption, from disgraced ex-governor John Kitzhaber all the way to Crooked Hillary.”
30. Kansas: “Home of the greatest fans of the reigning World Series champions, the Kansas City Royals. Proud home of the iconic Bob Dole.”
29. New Hampshire: “The live free or die state. A state that has no sales or income tax. And a state that was the first to recognize Donald J. Trump and deliver the first victory on his behalf on a path to 38 victories that he achieved.”
28. Iowa: “Home of the two hardest-working U.S. senators, Sen. Chuck Grassley and Sen. Joni Ernst, and the longest-serving governor in American history, Gov. Terry Branstad.”
27. Delaware: “The first state to ratify the Constitution, the home of former governors Pete DuPont and Mike Castle, the state that with a diverse slate of millennial candidates will win control of its state senate this year for the first time in 44 years, the state that is going to elect 20-year air force reserve veteran Hans Reigle to the United States Congress.”
26. New Mexico: “What beautiful, exciting, and a culture that is so diverse, an amazing state, the land of enchantment …”
25. Puerto Rico: “Having voted to become the 51st state of the greatest nation on the face of the Earth, following the results of a binding presidential preference vote.”
24. New York: “The Empire State, proud to be the home of Donald J. Trump and proud that we were the first state to cast a majority of our primary votes for Donald J. Trump, proud that he won 61 of 62 counties and more than 62 percent of the vote, and we are proud that we have as one of our delegates Donald J. Trump Jr.”
23. Utah: “The state that has its priorities straight: God, family, and countr y… the No. 1 state for economic growth, job creation, the most reliable Republican state.”
22. Massachusetts: “The state that outperformed every other state but one in the strongest vote to make America great again.”
21. Michigan: “America’s comeback state, the great state and birthplace of the Republican Party. We are so committed to turning our state red and winning the presidency that we were willing to wear Ohio state colors just for today. We are the home of President Gerald R. Ford, the home of the late and extremely great Mr. Hockey, Gordy Howe.”
20. Wyoming: “Home of Reagan conservatives, rugged individualism, the majestic Tetons and Cheyenne Frontier Days, a leading producer of low-sulfur coal, we are an energy titan. A super-red state, a Republican governor, a Republican majority in our state legislature, and a Republican governor, and a Republican congressional delegation. We have a balanced budget. We have a $1.6 billion surplus. And we have no corporate and no individual income tax. We support states’ rights, religious liberty, the Second Amendment, and law enforcement officers across this great nation.”
19. North Carolina: “The land of the longleaf pine, the land where the summer sun doth shine, where the wheat grows strong and the strong grow brave, North Carolina, home of the largest military installations in the world. North Carolina, with the majestic Appalachian Mountains on our west and the beautiful Crystal Coast on our east. North Carolina, one of the fastest-growing state economies under Gov. Patrick Rory and the Republican-led general assembly. The home of Billy Graham.”
18. South Dakota: “Home of Crazy Horse, Mount Rushmore, and other great faces and great places.
17. Arizona: “The hottest state in the country for job growth.”
16. Tennessee: “The Volunteer State, the state with no state income tax, a budget surplus, and a balanced budget, a state that is in the top five in jobs growth, No. 1 in auto manufacturing with a Republican governor, two Republican U.S. senators, seven Republican congressmen, and a 2/3 majority in the state house and state senate. Pro-life.”
15. South Carolina: “The Palmetto State that always shows amazing grace, home of the first of the South primary, the true peach state and the birthplace of barbecue. Home of Dustin Johnson and the reigning NCAA baseball champion Coastal Carolina Chanticleers. Home of the No. 1 city in the world according to Travel and Leisure magazine, Charleston, South Carolina. And America’s vacation destination, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, the southeast manufacturing leader with companies including Boeing and BMW.”
14. West Virginia: “Home of the greatest golfer in the history of golf, Mr. Sam Sneed. The greatest pro football player in the history of the NFL, Mr. Sam Huff. And we are the home of the mighty mountaineers and the Thundering Herd.”
13. Idaho: “Where we have famous potatoes. Idaho is the most Republican state in the nation. We are so Republican that when we say the Pledge of Allegiance, it is to the Republicans for which it stands. Our entire congressional delegation is Republican, all of our statewide constitutional officers are Republican, and our legislature is 80 percent Republican. We are indeed a red state.”
12. Kentucky: “The home of Churchill Downs and American Pharaoh, the source of bluegrass music and the home of Bill Monroe, from the state where the largest Toyota manufacturing plant in the world is located, the maker of the Ford F-150 and the Chevy Corvette, from the state that produces all the bourbon fit to drink in the world, from a state where our citizens still respect God and the Constitution, and our military, and our police officers.”
11. Guam: “From the tip of the spear of American might, home of B-52s, B-1s, B-2s, fast-attack nuclear submarines that are keeping the potential enemies of America at bay, and also the place where millions of tourists from Asia come to get a taste of the piece of America in Asia. And a place where it is Wednesday, where America’s day begins.”
10. District of Columbia: “Whose local GOP organization was instrumental in the creation of the Republican National Committee back in 1856, the District of Columbia delineated by George Washington and graced by Abraham Lincoln, the District of Columbia, home of that great Republican Frederick Douglass and capital of the greatest country in the world.”
9. Alabama: “The home of national champion football teams Alabama and Auburn. The home of the Saturn V rocket that took us to the moon. The place where we had two of the greatest Trump rallies in the nation’s history, Mobile and Huntsville.”
8. Florida: “Home to Disney World, the Daytona 500, and the Florida Keys. No state income tax and our residents enjoy over 600 miles of pristine beaches. A paradise where you vacation but we all live. We are home to over 1.5 million veterans and we make it a point to thank them every day. We are the state that gave LeBron James his first two championships.”
7. Alaska: “The largest state in the union, more coastline than the rest of the continental United States, where energy, the Arctic, fishing, tourism, the great lands, and last frontier.”
6. Arkansas: “Land of opportunity and birthplace of Johnny Cash and Al Green. We’re open for business and growing jobs in manufacturing and high tech, and Republicans control every statewide office, the legislature and the entire congressional delegation. Unemployment is at its lowest in history. We got the best duck-hunting on Earth, we’re No. 1 in rice production, we raise delicious catfish, we cast our lines for world-class trout.”
5. U.S. Virgin Islands: “The childhood home of Alexander Hamilton, the greatest basketball player Tim Duncan, where slaves were emancipated first in the new world, where no passport is required to visit the beautiful Caribbean islands of St. Croix, St. John, and St. Thomas. … Let’s make America and the Caribbean great again.”
4. American Samoa: “The greatest exporter of NFL players.”
3. Rhode Island: “Founded in 1631 based upon principles of complete religious toleration, separation of church and state, and political democracy, values that the United States would later be founded upon. The Ocean State. Unfortunately, government is not working in Rhode Island for the people, as the state is run by a corrupt Democrat political machine for the last 80 years. In our state, we are constantly ranked near the bottom, recently ranked 50th worst in terms of our business-friendly climate. Democratic leadership in our state has been rampant corruption, lack of transparency, and unethical conduct. Which makes it knows the prize that the democratic presidential nominee is supported by each and every one of Rhode Island’s state Democratic leadership. It should therefore come as no surprise that Rhode Island delivered, sorry Jersey, the largest margin of victory in a three-way race with the most amount of votes cast in the history of a Republican primary with over 64 percent for Donald J. Trump.”
2. Minnesota: “Home of 10,000 lakes, home of Spam, and home of the late, great Prince, and the state that has had the longest drought of casting our electoral votes for a Republican president, which will change this year.”
1. Connecticut: “Where we manufacture Pez, nuclear submarines, and the home of the WWE, where men are men and the women are champions.”
