And the Most Liberal Product in America Is …

Glenn Beck brandishes a Moleskine , and a thousand amateur sociologists bloom. Your responses to my request for “the most liberal product in the land” were nuanced and hilarious and often personally insulting. (Nope, I don’t hate America, nor do I wet my bed.) Let’s run down the list and arrive at the No. 1 liberal product!

Fifth Place
A Frisbee. I liked the simplicity of this choice, as it implies time spent on a quad at a liberal arts college picking up ideas about recycling and universal health care.

Fourth Place
Stella Artois. Allow me to quote from the submission: “The watery beer of choice amongst hipster bobos who are too genteel and refined to serve Coors.” 

Third Place
Chaco sandals. There was a lot of debate about what should replace the iconic Birkenstock as the obvious sign of a liberal in the wild. Keen sandals? Rawganique Vegan Hemp Shoes? I went with Chaco because multiple witnesses identified them as the shoe of choice at Obama rallies.

Second Place
Whole Foods. “Yes, the entire store.” Though it’s a cliché at this point, the status of W.F. as the liberal Wal-Mart cannot be overlooked. The store was the top vote-getter, second only to Volvos.

First Place
GT’s Raw Organic Kombucha . The most suggested drink was organic soy milk, but I went with Kombucha. To come across someone drinking Kombucha is to be near a food co-op, a yoga studio, or a farmer’s market. Even to know what Kombucha is (fungus tea) implies a dangerous familiarity with liberal culture. To actually drink Kombucha is to be very brave, as my colleague Jessica Grose informs me that it tastes like “carbonated urine.”

So, Glenn Beck: Start drinking Kombucha!

Ignore the smell and savor the boost in ratings and attention! 

Can I get an encore? 
Send me your nomination for the Most Conservative Product in America, and I will write up the results after the Labor Day weekend.