Answers on Morals and Manners

Note to readers: Prudie received so many letters on the "first name" problem that she decided to devote a whole week to the subject.

Dear Prudie,
I read with interest the question in your recent column regarding the use of first names by strangers, specifically in business situations. Like the gentleman who wrote, I am a liberal Democrat and do not consider myself old-fashioned. I, however, am a 20-year-old woman.
I was taught to address my elders and those in formal settings by their proper appellations. I use my colleagues' first names but would not dream of first-naming a business contact. But: What is the rule for referring to oneself? I find it odd to refer to myself as Miss, but wonder how seriously others take me when I give my first name and then address them as "Mr." or "Mrs."

--T.S. in Lawrence, Kan.

Dear T.,
What an interesting proposition you put. Prudie, who's got a few years on you, has dealt with this herself.
When meeting a repairman or other service worker, Prudie introduces herself with both her first and last names, trying not to seem overly formal or grand. (They usually wind up calling you "Mrs." anyway.) On the phone, however, it is best to identify yourself in the manner in which you wish to be addressed.
If first-naming is acceptable, say, "This is Miranda." If it is not, say, "This is Mrs. Last-Name."
As for your business contacts, they will surely take your addressing them as "Mr." or "Mrs." (while stating both your first and last names) as a sign of respect. And Prudie's compliments to your parents for raising you so correctly.

--Prudie, formally

--Laughing at the Memory

Dear Laugh,
Your recollection was so delicious Prudie ate it with a spoon. It is always wonderful when one thinks of the perfect retort at the time--and not the next day.

--Prudie, admiringly

Yours for leniency in phatic communication,
--Mike

P.S.: Also "cordially," of course.

Dear Mike,
Perfect strangers get to address Prudie by her first name because we in the advice biz are kind of instant friends. Prudie knows you wouldn't have it any other way.
As for your plea for leniency about what you consider the new "goodbye," Prudie finds you an articulate advocate and will consider toning down her antipathy toward the phrase. Prudie admits that the conversational sign-off is merely an overworked cliché, after all, and not a capital offense. (Though she always feels better when answering the instruction to have a nice day with Miss Manners' wonderful line, "Thank you, but I have other plans.")

--Prudie, tolerantly

Respectfully,
--Wanting Not To Offend in Chicago

Dear Want,
"Miss" would seem to be the safe form of address, since even married women recognize it as a sign of respect. Also, by not assuming a married state with the "Mrs.," you don't risk alienating a woman who is single and wishes to be taken for no man's wife. You might try to remember this little silliness from a fourth-grader as a prompt: A miss is as good as a ... mister.

--Prudie, miss-teriously