"Wishing each night before he goes to bed for peace and goodwill. Now he just wants a better CBS fall lineup."—Thomas Schrope

"Sending letters. So enjoy it now, people."—Francis Heaney (Mark Wade, T.G. Gibbon, Hanneke Festen, Chris Gwaltney, and Ben Perry had similar answers.)

"Building houses for what he refers to in the letter as 'losers, honest to God serious losers.' "—T.G. Gibbon (similarly, Steven Davis)

"He's no longer going to be a Southern Baptist. From here on out, he's not going to subjugate Rosalynn because God wants him to. He's going to do it because he wants to."—Greg Diamond

"Having a healthy, nutritious breakfast. 'As old as I am, what's it going to hurt?' Carter asked one day before keeling over dead with a mouthful of blintz and pork gravy."—Steven Davis

"Affecting a folksy, down-home Southern accent. After all these years he's finally packing up and going back to Minnesoter."—T.G. Gibbon (similarly, Mark Romoser, David Ballard, and L.K. Peterson)

"THE MAMBO! (I know. It's silly. But there are so few quiz opportunities left to answer 'the mambo,' I figured, use it or lose it.)"—Ellis Weiner

"Eagerly looking forward to his 12^th birthday."—Larry Amoros

"I heard he's giving up on puberty. Looks too silly now."—Julie Carwile

"Whoring for the Nobel Prize."—Daniel Radosh (similarly, Mark Wade)

"Sanctimony."—Michael Doyle

"Taking his seizure medication."—Joanne Kennedy

"Trying to impress girls by building houses for them."—Beth Sherman

"Weekends in Vegas riding Harleys with Lauren Hutton."—Barry Johnson

"Growing out his fingernails to get into the Guinness Book of Records."—Peter Durfee

"Sending spare medications to Liza Minnelli."—Adam Bonin

"Malaise."—Carrie Rickey (similarly, Mark Romoser)

"Not wanking?"—Evan Cornog

"Weekly Brazilian bikini waxes."—Adam Bonin

"Being heterosexual."—Brooke Saucier

"Spending $20 on a lap dance, shit, all she's doing is dancing."—Chris Gwaltney

"Boggle, and boy am I disappointed. I ripped my letter into a thousand pieces and cursed the intifada. Truth is, I was looking for a good reason to curse the intifada."—Winter Miller

"Oh, dear. I know we're talking about Georgia here, but I hope to God the answer's not 'Rosalynn.' "—Richard Nikonovich-Kahn (similarly, Evan Brady)

"Admit that it was him, not Superman, who broke that window and drank that bourbon."—Thomas Schrope

"Observing the Second and Third Commandments. 'I'm building myself a goddamned idol and none of you goddamned people can do a goddamned thing about it,' the former president added."—Charlie Glassenberg

"Zealously monitoring the elections in the Sudan. That, and peeing without pain."—Jon Hotchkiss

"Fighting aquatic rabbits. In the future, he will succumb to their advances."—Josh Kamensky

"So, he's finally stopped playing Candyland. Is it that big of a deal?!"—Sharon Dynek

"A Ghandian test that involves sleeping in the same bed with dozens of beautiful virgins in order to 'test his faith in the lord.' "—Terrence Laukkanen

" 'Freebasing that nasty-ass rock,' as Mr. Carter so eloquently put it. 'And subscribing to MAD magazine.' "—Gus Robertson (similarly, Ben Perry)

"Jimmy Carter has finally called off the peace treaty negotiations between the cats and the dogs in his neighborhood. The cats could never get interested, and the dogs kept forgetting their terms and conditions."—Walt Colt

Lusting Reference Corner

"Lusting in his heart. I think it's the cholesterol."—Steven Davis (similarly, L.K. Peterson, Julie Carwile, and Josh Kamensky)

"Lusting in his heart after Ronald Reagan."—Peter Lerangis

"He's decided to give up lusting in his heart in order to lust openly."—Mitch Rogers

Voting Reference Corner

"Voting Democratic. 'It's Dubya time,' chortled the former president from a state with loose election laws for white males."—Carl Dietrich (similarly, Andrew Staples)

"Voting. 'Voting is for losers who can't find anything better to do with their time. After "supervising" umpteen elections in fledgling democracies, I realized that I didn't want to be seen as their peers.' "—Steve Kiefer

"Voting for Hillary Clinton because 'She ha[s] never been elected to any public office, yet she radiate[s] an aura of ambition and entitlement.' Also because 'Whitewater and related scandals [are] replete with evidence that Mrs. Clinton has a lamentable tendency to treat political opponents as enemies. She has clearly been less than truthful in her comments to investigators and too eager to follow President Clinton's method of peddling access for campaign donations. Her fondness for stonewalling in response to legitimate questions about financial or legislative matters contributed to the bad ethical reputation of the Clinton administration.' Oops, so sorry, that's actually part of the New York Times endorsement for Hillary. Silly me."—Scott Mathias

Self-Reference Corner

"Making jokes at the expense of two nice gay gentlemen and their beautiful white tigers. The rest of you should learn from his example."—Charlie Glassenberg

"Giving away the surprise ending to movies, which is a move Tim Carvell might give some thought to."—David Finkle

Newz Kwiz 4 Kidz Korner

"Today, kidz, we're going to skip the planned explanation about what a 'wanking-free zone' is (don't worry, they're surprisingly rare) and honor Jimmy Carter! Jimmy Carter was president at a time when oil prices were high, the Yankees were dominating baseball, U.S. interests were under attack in the Middle East, women were wearing stupid stacked shoes, and the country—faced with a middle-single-digit challenge from a third-party candidate—was getting ready to elect an amiable dimbulb Sun Belt governor who would gut enforcement of equal protection laws, balloon the deficit, appoint a phalanx of reactionaries all up and down the federal courts, and open up the wilderness to oil drilling. Even the music you hear on oldies stations now is from then. Eerie, isn't it? And I know you're all thinking the same thought I am: If we're having to relive that era anyway, why can't we at least have the Steelers kicking ass?"—Greg Diamond