"Here in the increasingly conservative Midwest, the sentimental favorite seems to be Slobodan Milosevic."—Allen Specht

"Rupert Murdoch."—Paul Tullis

"Kostunica."—David Finkle

"Katha Pollitt. Very dark horse, but stealthy."—Winter Miller

"Francis Heaney."—Dave Donovan

"Free James Brown!"—Deborah Wassertzug

"Yankees in five."—Joy Nolan

"Nader, because Ralph would never lie to us about it not being a wasted vote. Right?"—Mac Thomason

"Joe Torre, because unlike everyone else, he really knows how to lead men. Really rich petulant whiny men."—Aidan Finley

"The same guy who's won every election of the last 20 years: Dwayne Andreas, of Archer Daniels Midland. Ethanol subsidies, my ass."—Tim Carvell

"Al Gore wins when Natural Law Party candidate John Hagelin withdraws and endorses him, saying Gore will use meditation to gain Congressional approval of Dingell-Norwood."—Will Vehrs

"Whoever the hell that is out in my backyard, spying on me—the most representative undecided voter in America. Hint: I like a good backrub on Tuesdays and Thursdays."—Thomas Schrope

"Do you want the straight answer (AL GORE) or the smart-ass answer (WILLIAM SALETAN)?"—David Salzman

"The American people, of course. Sorry I can't say more, I'm late for my Naive Anonymous meeting."—Andrew K. Jacobson

"Alan Keyes! Alan Keyes!"—Pete Miesel

"GWB."—Beth "I'm Coming, Canada" Sherman

"Björk-Demarest. Landslide."—Doug Wagner

"Big Industry."—Jon Drumwright

"Call me similar to any oversarcastic exhausted holier-than-thou street protester who rolls his or her eyes, and says, as if his rapier-sharp irony was about to defeat your years of accreted willful blindness, 'The only winners in this race will be multinational corporations!' "—Josh Kamensky

"I can only assume, with a grimace, Cher. For the umpteenth time. Dammit, whatever happened to that 22^nd Amendment?"—Brent Danzig

"Friendship will win, as the two candidates discover there's a lot more they can do together than apart. All those considered partisan will immediately be put to death. Al and George will watch each and every one, together."—Thomas Schrope

"Bill Clinton, of course. January 2001, he can sleep with any busty big-lipped beret-wearing girl he wants."—Alison Rogers

"W. Because he's an untier, not a dividend, although he won't carry Washington state because he keeps insulting us as not knowing better than he does on how to spend your money. Or did he mean Washington, D.C.? Oh, wait, he didn't know there were two Washingtons. But he's asking for the votes of the one that has a death penalty."—Steve Levy

"One in 20 Americans will wake up on Election Day, see the American flags, remember they're voting for a president and not a pledge chairman, slap themselves on the forehead, and say, 'What could I have been thinking!?' and cast their ballot for, in anonymous privacy, the man they had told their friends they couldn't stand to vote for. Then they'll go out and lie to the exit pollsters."—Kevin Lamb

"The Dukakis Test gives the answer: It doesn't matter who is the better CANDIDATE, it's who can we visualize as PRESIDENT. Dukakis was an intellectually appealing candidate, but would never have been able to get the hang of actually wielding the power. This year, the populace will realize that evil might be evil, but dumb is always dumb. Gore wins."—Steve Kiefer

"The year 2000 election will be won by George W. Bush, the candidate who best represents the self-centeredness, ignorance, and sense of entitlement regardless of merit that characterizes the small fraction of the electorate that still bothers to vote. I will spend the week before the election volunteering for Gore in some ultimately ineffectual way, and then become insufferable company, even for those who agree with me, for about three months. Not that I'm bitter or anything."—Matt Heimer