"One problem: Young Iranians really don't care What Jesus Would Do."—Anthony Wright

"The Wonder Veil."—Francis Heaney

"Grain alcohol, if memory serves."—Greg Narver

"Sleep-away camp."—T.G. Gibbon

"Pierre Trudeau's lasting legacy."—Will Vehrs

"Iranian for The Rules."—David Feige

"Ten bucks, just like at the naval yards."—Larry Amoros (Greg Diamond had a similar answer.)

"This is just a wild guess, but it sounds like Ms. Sherkat's death warrant."—Greg Diamond

"Well, it's a better euphemism than 'taking the komodo dragon out for a walk,' I guess."—Adam Bonin (similarly, Carl Dietrich)

"Ganja Cafe?"—Chari Govindarajan (similarly, Larry Blue)

"Look, if you won't buy their oil, sell them arms, or corrupt their youth, maybe you shouldn't be involved in foreign policy."—Will Vehrs

"It's a new cigarette from Philip Morris. You know, their PR really rocks!"—Greg Diamond

"Somebody tell Al Gore his Farsi needs work. In prepping for the debate he misread 'sigheh' as 'sighing.' "—Deborah Wassertzug

"It is how you pronounce 'Britney' in Iran."—Tim Carvell (similarly, Carl Dietrich and Dilan Esper; but Madonna, Sharon Dynek)

"Persian for 'fuzzy math.' "—Charlie Glassenberg

"Algebra. Don't laugh. It's an Arabic word, I think."—Ellis Weiner

"Vibrator. Parlez vous Farsi?"—Carrie Rickey

"Zanan gives us this tripe instead of a Dick Cheney profile?"—Will Vehrs

"Sex wearing only three layers of clothing."—Floyd Elliot

"Sigheh is short for 'Victoria's Sigheh.' "—M.D.C. Bowen

"Sigheh is the Iranian word for the American slang phrase 'no-tell motel.' "—Allen Specht

"I don't know, but wouldn't you like to see Pat Robertson's head explode when he reads about it?"—Steven Davis

"I guess Tina Brown is hedging her bets again."—Will Vehrs

"The dual political party system."—Brooke Saucier

"Disco dancing."—Stephen Miklos and Sean Carman

"Coke with a slice of lemon, so refreshing, so satisfying."—Jonathan Jeffries

"I don't know, but do you have their Web address?"—Mark Wade and Will Vehrs

"I don't know, but I am sure it will be featured and explained in obscure banter by President Bartlet on The West Wing."—Anthony Wright

"Tickle-Me-Sigheh, just in time for the holidays."—Winter Miller

"This year's jiggly TV lineup: Dark Angel, Titans, Nikki, not to mention those syndicated Baywatch knockoffs."—Anthony Wright (similarly, Jon Hotchkiss, Marty Byrne, and Steve Reiness)

"It's the practical part of sex education in schools. I mean you can only take so much theory ..."—David Oakes

"Vice-presidential candidate Joe Lieberman appeared to soften his call for Iran to clean up its entertainment industry after a successful fund-raiser with a group of well-heeled mullahs."—Will Vehrs

Self-Reference Corner

"An Internet-based thrice weekly News Quiz."—Charlie Glassenberg

Cult of Asherah Corner

"Is it Dick Clark's Iranian Bandstand? Either that or bringing back the ancient Middle Eastern cult of Asherah, what with its temple prostitutes and all. (As one scholar has summarized: 'Ancient sexual rites [dismissed to this day by male scholars as cult prostitution] associated with worship of Asherah ensured that matrilineal descent patterns, with their partnership rather than dominator values, would continue. Hebrew priestly iconoclasts finally uprooted Asherah, supplanting matrifocal culture with patriarchy. Our Judeo-Christian inheritance of this law of the Levites, passed on by the Roman Empire, is one source of present-day sex inequality.')"—John Lynn

Newz Kwiz 4 Kidz Korner

"Kidz! This is very important! Don't read the question for today! It's bad! It's all about sex! Sex and Iran! That's what killed Jimmy Carter, and it can happen to you too! OK, high interest rates and Iran were what killed Carter, but it's still dangerous! Go think about something wholesome, like how wonderful it will be when enlightened thinkers like Shahla Sherkat can touch the whole Middle East with their gospel of sexual—damn! Roll credits! Roll credits!"—Greg Diamond