"Henry Kissinger does not belong, because he alone can still appear on Nightline despite his crimes against humanity."—Greg Diamond

"The shah! That takes me back to the good old days. Malaise! High gas prices! One presidential candidate runs as a genial right-winger. Another wears off-color outfits to show his sincerity. A completely different time! Right?"—Anthony Wright

"Manuel Noriega isn't connected with an Inexpressibly Heartwarming Story featured on TV coverage of the Olympics."—Fred Petrick

"Montesinos; he's the only one who hasn't been worked into an obscure Dennis Miller joke on Monday Night Football."—Tim Carvell

"What does Idi Amin have to do to get a mention around here?"—Will Vehrs

"You mean who does not belong in jail?"—David Feige

"Noriega doesn't belong because he is like so '80s, dude."—Sarah M. Balcomb

"Raul Cedras does not dot his i's with little hearts."—T.G. Gibbon

"The shah didn't get to see Cats before it closed."—Mark Wade

"The shah never tested positive for ephedrine."—Gary Drevitch (Whitney Pastorek had a similar answer.)

"Vladimiro is still wearing pashmina. The fool."—Whitney Pastorek

"Heard in Ecuador: 'Abdala, it's so good to see you. Where have you been for so long? ... Jail!!?? My God, no!!' "—Julie Carwile

"Cedras. We kicked him out of The Book Club last week, when we caught him trying to fake his way through Tuesdays With Morrie simply by having watched the TV movie."—Tim Carvell

"The shah. He was the only one out of this group who didn't get laid at the hooker- and cocaine- and bourbon-laden Bicentennial Bush Bash in Houston back in '76. To his death, he always claimed he got a hand job, though."—Brooke Saucier

"The shah. The others voted him off the island, supposedly because he was dead, but really because he let his taster sample the rats instead of force-feeding them to university students like the other dictators."—Katha Pollitt (similarly Survivorish, Chris Gwaltney)

"Manuel Noriega has never felt like he belonged. If only someone had given him a hug instead of an international drug cartel, tragedy could have been averted. Barry McCaffrey told me so."—Doug Sheppard

"Noriega was the only 'friend' of the Clintons who didn't stay in the Lincoln bedroom. (I think he crashed at the Gores.)"—Sarah Quinn

"While both björky and quirky, the Shah of Iran is the only one of these enigmatic Scandinavian beauties who is not of Icelandic origin."—Doug Wagner

"Only the shah failed to finish ahead of the American gymnasts on the pommel horse. Being dead and all."—Greg Narver

"Vladimiro Montesinos. Banned Dr. Demarest from rooting around in ancient temples."—Will Vehrs

"Vladimiro Montesinos. Montesinos is Peruvian for Mountain Nose. You get Mountain Nose by importing too much of Colombia's most famous import. Colombia is not Peru. Therefore, you made him up."—Steve Kiefer

"Duh! Seems straightforward to me: If you replace each letter of their name with its numerical position in the alphabet (a=1, b=2, etc.), the Shah of Iran is the only one whose total is not a multiple of 17."—David Oakes

"Raul Cedras, because his name anagrams to 'surreal cad,' which makes more sense than 'envisions marmot idol,' 'maraud cabbala,' 'hearth fashion,' and 'emu or Angelina.' "—Francis Heaney (similarly, Mark Romoser and Jon Delfin)

"Bucaram. When asked where he was going after being toppled from power, he alone forgot to say, 'I'm going to Disney World!' "—Deborah Guy

"Montesinos is a summer while the other men are falls."—Stuart Wade

"I have it on the best authority that Bucaram alone is the real Slim Shady."—Peter Lerangis

"It's a trick question. They all belong ... to the Third World Losers Club. Nyah, nyah, nyah!"—Steven Davis

"Raul Cedras does not recommend sugarless gum to his victims who have teeth left to chew gum."—T.G. Gibbon

" 'One of these men is not like the others, one of these men does not belong.' And having forced that Sesame Street song into the head of every single News Quiz reader, he left."—Doug Sheppard (similarly, Mark Wade)

Newz Kwiz 4 Kidz Korner

"Today we honor vicious Third World dictatorships that were propped up by the United States until they became inconvenient and had the rug pulled out from under them! As detailed in the Pike Report, a 1975 House investigation of clandestine CIA activity which at the request of Henry Kissinger was never released to the public on the grounds that it threatened national security because it was true, but which is still available in foreign-published editions, the CIA's role in destabilizing democratically elected governments, starting with Iran and Guatemala in the mid 1950s—kidz, I think this may be a good time to point out that our regular copy writer is out sick today, and so our intern from Brandeis has volunteered to help out—anyway, it reached its peak in the early 1970s, when no fewer than …"—Greg Diamond

Newz Kwiz 4 Kidz Ripoff Korner

"Today we honor dictators! Let's break that word apart, shall we? First we have 'dic.' Um, we'll get back to that later. And we have 'tators,' which we all know are made by those fine folks at Ore-Ida, a wholly owned subsidiary of Heinz. As my new fiancee, Deb Magness, would say, 'It is such a hit with the kidz because you can count them and then it is so rewarding for you to eat them.' Now back to 'dic.' That's what Mark Wade is for blatantly pandering for a similarly on the 'Newz Kwiz 4 Kidz' just because Randy took my Heinz answer over his yesterday."—Greg Diamond (OK, it's really Mark Wade, sorry about that.)

Newz Kwiz 4 Kidz Kredit Korner

"A clarification: [Pace Will Vehrs' kind comments—well, now that I reread them, actually not that kind, actually sort of mean] Credit (or blame) for the creation of Newz Kwiz 4 Kidz belongs to some combination of Tim Carvell and Adam Bonin. My contribution was simply to follow the prime directive of comedy writing: I stole the idea."—Greg Diamond

Self-Reference Corner

"Greg Diamond. He has not been condemned by the international community. Yet."—T.G. Gibbon

"Abdala Bucaram, because I've never heard of him. And it's all about me, baby."—Steve Gisselbrecht

"Now News Quiz has a copy of Dubya's debate preparation materials?! Looks like this mole problem is worse than we thought."—Gerry Kaufman