"Perks that cost twice as much in campaign contributions if you waited until the day before the Republican convention started."—Francis Heaney

"Will these Survivor spin-offs never end?"—Greg Diamond (John Hotchkiss and John Hanson had similar answers.)

"Things that Kathie Lee Gifford has penciled in for next week."—Peter G. Eipers (similarly, Jay D. Majors)

"These are three of the government's criteria for the cops not being able to stop-and-frisk you, no matter what the hell you're doing."—Greg Diamond

"Things Bob Hope's medication makes him think he's done this week."—Adam Bonin

"They're prizes for the winners of the Make Arianna Huffington Cum Contest."—Larry Amoros

"Hillary's Senate campaign is getting some bad, bad advice."—Ellis Weiner

"Coupons found in the drawers of the Lincoln bedroom."—David Feige

"The three most desperate excuses to ditch the wife and kids since Rockys 3, 4, and 5."—Dave Donovan

"All this and more can be yours if The Price Is Right!"—Evan Brady

"Daydreams of Condoleezza Rice."—Mike Branom

"Production begins on this year's Christmas With Martha Stewart TV special."—Angus MacDonald

"The first three sequences of the blockbuster pilot for David E. Kelley's 2000-01 midseason replacement series, K Street."—Peter Partheymuller

"Jeez, the tabloids were right, that Meg Ryan really IS getting around these days!"—Kelly Sayer

"Three cool things John Kasich had to put on hold to attend the Republican National Convention."—Michael Maiello

"Jordan's first three invitations after Big Brother."—Arthur Stock

"How the mighty have fallen. Remember those great red meat parties with Pat Buchanan?"—Will Vehrs

"Were just three of the 7,894 prizes our survey of 18- to 25-year-old males indicated they'd prefer to being Gore's veep."—Ben Sheriff

"Answer: Hmmm ... a long fishing pole, a black man, and ... oh, wait, you said LARRY Holmes ... sorry."—Ross Levatter

"I keep telling my dating service that I'm not gay, but they refuse to believe me."—Francis Heaney

"From the people who brought you the Tea With Hello Kitty Web site ..."—Colin Rafferty

"None of these are worth selling your soul for. Except for the part about using Dennis Hastert for bait."—Steven Davis

"Just in time for the Sydney Olympics, the Republican triathlon is approved as a demonstration sport."—Will Vehrs

"They are all a part of a very odd, erotic, bad boy Republican fantasy that Janet Reno has."—Ed Stahr

"Dennis, Colin, and Larry were photographed naked with Frank Keating, Chuck Hagel, and George Pataki, respectively. At least that's what Dick Cheney told George W."—Charles Star

"What are the three most boring activities you could possibly imagine?"—Tim Olevsky

"ABC, desperate to find a promotional strategy that honors diversity, turns to the Republicans."—Will Vehrs

"The historic Delaware River. The RNC 2000 slogan is: Cast your rod and raise your flag on on the waterway Washington crossed."—Carrie Rickey

Self-Reference Corner

"Now you know why I hunger to leave academia in order to become a high-powered sleazeball corporate lobbyist."—Mark Romoser

"Things I did in a dream while suffering a 105-degree fever—by the way, you left out miniature golf with Kirk and Spock on the deck of the Starship Enterprise."—Craig Aranha

"The three things I'd wish for if only I could find one of those magic lamps."—Greg Narver

"My plans for Tuesday."—Beth "Self-Reference Corner" Sherman

"NewzKwiz for Kidz Answer: Shirlee Temples R AWESOME!!!"—Adam Bonin

"NewzQuiz for glossolaliacs answer: gubbagubbagubba wahwah whOOOOOTIE ABATA ABATA neeeeEEEE hohobohobodu."—Greg Diamond