"So that's how the Republicans ended up with Cheney."—Francis Heaney (David Finkle, Peter Lerangis, Mark Wade, Greg Diamond, Steven Davis, Greg Narver, Peter G. Eipers, Sharon Dynek, Pete Miesel, Walt Colt, Andrew Staples, Karim Nanji, Shany Mor, Steven Olson, Mike DeSantis, Jon Delfin, Douglas Wolk, John Leary, and Rich Klicki had similar answers, and often bi—or even tri—partisanly.)

"Gently informing your prom date that you've enjoyed this slow dance with him, but that right now, your feet are tired, and perhaps you should go get some punch and sit down for a while."—Tim Carvell

"How to tell if the daughter of your vice-presidential nominee is gay."—Beth Sherman (similarly, Noel Ryan)

"The right wing's attempt to 'fix' gay males by having them meet with Jennifer Lopez."—Anthony Wright

"Being a male runway model."—Francis Heaney

"For Kathie Lee Gifford's replacement on Live."—Mark Shotzberger

"Applying to the naval academy."—Alex Pascover

"Is sexual reassignment surgery for you?"—David Feige

"Security guards at Los Alamos."—Mark Romoser (similarly, Anthony Wright)

"Identifying a Red Man user."—Texan by choice, I remain, Stuart Wade

"It's a man, BABY!"—Adam Bonin

"Being a Boston Red Sox batboy."—Andrew Milner and Pete Miesel

"The screenplay for Chuck & Buck."—Matt Sullivan

"The onset of puberty."—David Salzman

"Bisexual Porn Star/Starlet."—Dan Evanson

"Member of 'N Sync."—Carrie Rickey

"Nationwide talent search for 'Nervous Boys,' the singin' and dancin' successors to Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync."—John Leary

"Criteria for the backup dancers for Britney Spears' Herbal Essence (TM) 2000 World Tour."—Sarah M. Balcomb

"When he exhibits eight or more of the criteria, it's time to escort Clarence Thomas to the private Supreme Court lounge."—Greg Diamond

"I thought they ran the Hare Krishnas out of the airports."—Steven Davis

"Weight loss program (or maybe it's just me on a weight loss program)."—Andrew K. Jacobson

"All of them are criteria for docking points in the swimsuit competition of the Miss America Pageant."—Tim Carvell

"Are these the requirements for the new Survivor show in the Australian outback? If so, I'm there, baby!"—Craig Aranha

"John Travolta's criteria for making an L. Ron Hubbard novel into a major motion picture."—Evan Brady

"Qualifying as a 'disaffected teen loner' in news articles. Apparently, it's not good enough to wear all black and be seen fondling a handgun in algebra."—Monty Ashley

"Being Al Gore: before each of his phony speeches, after taking that alpha male thing a little too seriously—and I think 'changing direction' speaks for itself."—Mary Anne Townsend

"I thought the 'Starr-Report-Reference-Free Zone' had been permanently invoked."—Jay Carvell (similarly, Steven Davis, Dilan Esper, Randy King, John Hanson, David Oakes, Mike Zierdt, and Mike Sluyter)

Self-Reference Corner

"I'd be able to come up with a good answer, but I'm getting unusually nervous about the way my suspicious bulge/object keeps changing directions."—Greg Diamond

"Britney Spears something something and Norm McDonald's turquoise fur chubby. Or ABC's new fall lineup premise specs."—Karen Bitterman

"Somebody forgot to erect the penis-free zone … Hey, I said erect! In a question about a suspicious bulge! Oh, I could go on all night … Hey, there's another risqué metaphor … For God's sake Randy—STOP ME!"—Charles Star (similarly, Christopher Roberson)

"These are the profiling criteria for the security personnel at Ellen Barkin's wedding. Just because Ron Perelman is out to get you, Randy, doesn't make him 'the government.' "—Jay D. Majors

"NewzKwiz for Kidz Answer: One time, in math class, Teacher called me up to the blackboard, but I was feeling funny in my special place so I told her no."—Adam Bonin

"NewzQuiz for Kidz Answer: BULGE! HE SAID BULGE! LOL! :)"—Pete Miesel

"NewzKwiz for those in the final stages of terminal illness sez: ohhhh, agggh, aggggggggggh, unhhhhh, ghack!"—Greg Diamond