"Sounds like the Gore campaign is trying another theme."—Charlie Glassenberg (Daniel Barenholtz, Peter Partheymuller, and Margie Goeken had similar answers; but Hillary, Greg Diamond)

"Because 'We love to see you with a full-on erection!' was voted down by Viagra's marketing folks."—Deborah Wassertzug (similarly, with a Prozac chaser, Daniel Barenholtz)

"The CBS crew will be finished installing the cameras in my house."—Tim Lowell (similarly, Fred Petrick)

"All Dolores Hope wants is a suitor with teeth. Is that so wrong?"—Adam Bonin

"Tax lawyers will begin telling the offspring of old, rich people about the expected repeal of the estate tax."—Daniel Barenholtz

"Because that's what the gold filling in our teeth is telling us to say. You got a problem with that?"—Michael Doyle

"Because I now have naked women painted on my teeth."—Francis Heaney (similarly dental, Ian O'Henley)

" 'While your stewardess and first officer physically restrain you—you drunken bastard.' (Phrase left off from the new slogan for Continental Airlines.)"—Art Nelson

"The guy across the airshaft, as I understand it, has purchased an infrared camcorder."—Peter Lerangis

"Oh come on, you don't really we love to see you smile believe the Scientologists have perfected that mind-control thing, do you?"—Daniel Radosh

"Spite, pure and simple."—David Finkle

"Clinton's last minute pleading with Barak and Arafat at Camp David this week?"—Mark Wade

"Sesame Street's Russian language version is still trying to get local kids to smile, but they still prefer to sing mournful songs and discuss the Russian soul."—Daniel Barenholtz

"There was a misprint in the French-English dictionary entry for 'I despise you, uncultured American swine.' "—Mark Romoser

"Nitrous oxide. It's not just for propelling Redi-Whip anymore."—Mark Wade (similarly, but legal marijuana, Daniel Barenholtz)

"Crest Whitening will be neighbors on the shelf with 'Crest Tie-Dyeing.' "—Ben Kirkup

"Because that's the Clinton administration's rallying cry for the Israel-Palestinian peace talks."—Peter Carlin

"It's Britney Spears' new hit single. (The full title is 'Oops ...We Love To See You Smile, Baby!')"—Francis Heaney

"The tryouts for replacing Kathie Lee have begun—in Frank's hotel room! (Rim shot.)"—Matt Sullivan

"ABC has a new slogan for its fall season. That's only half of it, though; the rest of it goes, '... or maybe that's a grimace of pain. It's hard for us to tell.' "—Tim Carvell

"Movie-style sarcasm is now encouraged during arrests and random beatings by the NYPD."—Charles Star

"It the new campaign by the GOP to promote the 'Compassionate Conservative' theme. All of the traditional 'Grumpy Old Men' like Lott, Thompson, and Dole are required to smile constantly to hopefully make the Main Stream Voter feel like they really care."—Mark Shotzberger

"Because State Troopers were tired of getting shot for saying, 'Have a nice day!' "—Steven Olson

"For the love of God, please don't tell me Up With People are back!"—Sharon Dynek

"Cause Up With People's coming to town—and I've got fourth-row seats, baby!"—David Shayne

"The damn losers who pester me all the time are bored with pointing out that it takes more muscles to frown than smile, so they came up with a new fact that I couldn't care less about."—Steve Kiefer

"In a dramatic departure from the X-Men comic book, it's Wolverine's new catchphrase."—Matt Sullivan

"Another week without Celine Dion …"—Jon Greenberg

"The Colorado Legislature has agreed to put those words up in schools after their first choice, 'In God We Trust,' was declared an unconstitutional establishment of religion by a federal court."—Dilan A. Esper

"The Shit-Eating-Grin Club is franchising."—Steven Davis

"At racetracks nationwide this is opening week of Coke and NASCAR's Dentifrice Daze."—Stuart Wade

"It's the NYPD's new, minority-friendly catch phrase. The other finalist was 'Is that a wallet in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?' "—Chris Thomas

"Michael Eisner is very proud of himself for coming up with a marketable slogan AND the winning entry in Michael Ovitz's latest anagram contest, which forced contestants to come up with a phrase out of 'Woe! Mouse lost evil eye!' "—Brooke Saucier

"Now that the United Curmudgeon Front for the Elimination of Happiness has finally folded up their tents, the Let Love Rule Foundation is sure to win a majority in both houses of the Land of Make-Believe."—David Feige

"Finally all five of the dentists have agreed on something … it's the last sign of the apocalypse! Run for the hills!"—Joe Hawk

Self-Reference Corner

"McDonalds just figured out a way to use wolf meat to make a convincing hamburger; hence the new expression 'Shoot, shovel, shut up, and smile. We LOVE to see you smile.' "—Whitney Pastorek

"Smiling at wolves is so much more effective than 'shoot, shovel, and shut up.' "—Fred Petrick

"My Nanna decided that 'You've got such a pretty face' sounds lonely when she says it all by itself."—Jennifer Weiner