"Ridiculing the weak."—Stuart Wade

"Wolf whistling, copping feels, and never calling."—William Vehrs

"Making things out of rope and wood. Callused hands = values."—Deborah "800 Kilometers of Bad Canadian Road" Wassertzug

"They're some sort of dignified adult role models, rather than just dorky dads whose children are ashamed to be seen with them in public."—Thomas Weiner

"Litigating."—Michael McNally

"Sorting through the nine-digit codes on the letters, loading up their little Jeeps, and fending off pit bulls."—Laura Miller

"Boogieing to the Village People till dawn—in a straight kinda way."—Mark Romoser (Francis Heaney had a similar answer.)

"Trolling Internet chat rooms for willing 'friends.' "—Ronn Laufman

"Starting a campfire using only the heat and friction of their supple young bodies."—Lance Durbin

"Burning crosses by rubbing two sticks together."—Fred Petrick

"Destroying the self-esteem of rival scoutmasters."—Lance Durbin

"Human sacrifice."—Evan Cornog

"Rope bondage, obviously. Why else is there a merit badge for knot tying?" —Rose White (similarly, Cliff Schoenberg)

"Camping, shooting skeet, using a flint, and learning every last fabulous word of Mildred Pierce."—Peter Lerangis

"Watching gladiator movies."—Marc Spisto

"Ignoring huge sections of the Constitution."—Charlie Glassenberg

"Am I the only one who thinks that men who dress in robes have no business telling young people who they should associate with?"—Steven Davis

"Wearing tight uniforms and tasseled shoes; being solicitous to women much older than them; spending days romping half-naked through the woods and nights drifting into slumber to each others' quiet soughing; and grinding two sticks together until the unbearable friction causes them to ... flame."—Josh Kamensky

"Clean meat handling and driving the train into the tunnel."—Marshall Efron

"Wearing paramilitary uniforms, using ropes, leatherwork, and other clearly nonsexual things."—Charlie Glassenberg

"Definitely not looking at other guys in the shower. You short-dick twerp."—Josh Kamensky

"Like sitting around a campfire singing Judy Garland songs or snapping wet towels at young, tight buttocks, just like a certain Nazarene and his 12 macho friends."—Bill Cavanaugh

"... Hog-tying homos, bashing buggerers, and persecuting pansies ... all in the name of the Constitution, and the good book (Mein Kampf)."— Larry Amoros

"Gay bashing—in a trustworthy, loyal, and brave manner, of course."—Dave Donovan (similarly, David Finkle, Joe Nation, and Dwight Lemke)

"Learning how to use semiautomatic weapons, recreating ancient American Indian traditions and crafts that have never existed, and organizing 527s for their favorite political leader, I mean issue!!!"—Todd York

Self-Reference Corner

"Setting up a penis-free zone at a jamboree."—Will Vehrs

"I'm hoping against hope that the penis-free zone is invoked for this quiz."—Steven Davis (similarly, Dilan Esper)

"I'm sorry, I wasn't listening ... is the oral-sex-free zone in effect?"—Larry Schnur

"I feel like I'm Columbus, and I just discovered an entire continent of previously unknown '-free zones.' "—Josh Kamensky

"Learning to use MySlate to save every News Quiz except when Randy Cohen is on vacation."—Jon "Brown-Nose" Delfin

"I cannot submit anything. If I do, then the V-chip in my brain will implode. And the result would be that my daughter would be totally grossed out. Which could be kinda cool. Hmmm …"—Carl Dietrich

"I never got to be in the Boy Scouts. My mother, hippie that she was, wanted me to have no part in a paramilitary youth organization, and my father, hippie that he was, forgot to sign me up."—Josh Kamensky