"An answer with the word 'waist' in it seems appropriate."—Laura Hague (Cliff Schoenberg, Charles Star, Greg Narver, Dilan Esper, Lara Williams, Andrew K. Jacobson, Shelby Clark, Dola Nasr, Jon Delfin, Scott Murphy, Fred Petrick, and Jon Drumwright had similar answers.)

"Illegal Chinese immigrants."—Dennis Cass

"Elves."—Beth Sherman (similarly, Darrell Waterman)

"My belly. Yes, get in mah belly you wee little Keebler elf."—Sheila Brennan

"Fat-free cigarettes."—Dennis Cass

"The latest Parisian rage: Brie cigarettes."—Carl Dietrich (similarly, Toni Middleton)

"Menthol Oreos."—Rich Klicki (similarly, Ian O'Henley; but double tar-stuffed, Bill Scheft; but nicotine spiked, Bill McDermott; but cereal, Steven Davis)

"Nabisco is in gun sales?"—Charles Star (similarly, Michael Levy)

"Fat-free, taste-free snacks."—Will Vehrs

"Declining cheese consumption? Tell that to the sponsors of Dateline."—Jason Ross

"I think we should take a little time out of our derision to thank Philip Morris for being an upstanding corporate citizen. I saw on TV once where they helped rebuild this town after a flood. Did you ever do anything like that? No? Well, put that lawsuit away, Messrs. Attorneys General."—Josh Kamensky

"Kinky sex food for fat people. Double-Stuff Oreo edible undies. Ewwww."—Michael Maiello

"Double Stuff (TM) breast implants."—Ellen Macleay (similarly, but specifically Britney's, Tim Lowell)

"Following the success of the 'Ritz Bits' crackers, which originally contained remains from the deceased Ritz brothers comedy team, Nabisco is planning on rolling out its 'Hope Bits' product line, any day now."—Adam Bonin

"Oprah Winfrey's pants! Don't go away, folks. Richard Simmons is here tonight!"—Jason Ross (similarly, but her hips, Sharon Dynek; her "tushy" Ed Page)

"Expandable, eh? Must be those maternity Candypants—now available in Dreamsicle, Hot Fudge Brownie, Caramelized Jalapeño, and Muenst ... Hey, wait a minute! The cheese flavors have been discontinued. Cut the cheese!"—Deborah Guy

"Meat-flavored cookies. Chocolate Oreos on the outside; the other white meat, pork, on the inside. Marketed as Porkeos."—Marshall Efron

"The area is not really important. What I want to know is, does this mean that, at last, we can have chocolate-covered macaroni and cheese? It's about damn time."—Dola Nasr

"If they took the cheese that Kraft isn't selling and fed it to those mice hanging out at Nabisco and then killed the mice with poison made from nicotine, that would solve all Philip Morris' problems!"—Laura Hague

"The manufacture of sport utility biscuits: big as a Monopoly board, sand-resistant for beach-time snacking, they use (on average) 54.2 kilowatts of electricity to heat. Try 'em with your favorite spread!"—Ellis Weiner

"Fat-free, low-sodium, reduced-calorie, vitamin-enriched cardboard."—Mark Romoser

"Burt Flickinger's 'was a six-pack, now at least a 12-pack' abs."—Lara Williams

"Hey, is he the guy behind Flickinger.com??"—David Feige

"The area north of Montrachet Court and east of Chardonnay Way, in Vineyard Village Estates, Winston-Salem, N.C."—Laura Miller

"Snacks for those irritating, drug induced 'munchies.' "—Will Vehrs

"High-calorie emergency biscuits for the huge number of people begging to be stranded in remote locations for the benefit of a network viewing audience."—Charlie Glassenberg

"Duck à l'Orange with roast new potatoes and julienned baby carrots with a side salad of fiddlehead ferns tossed in a citrus vinaigrette, in a can."—Tim Carvell

"Oreos that turn blue when you dunk them. Apparently, just eating them isn't enough for these crazy kids today."—Adam Bonin

Jon Delfin's Class Reunion Corner

"Burt Flickinger was in the class of 1976 with me, not a year ahead."

Self-Reference Corner

" 'Retail consultant'? Does that mean I can tell my mom (who'd 'Rather Be Shopping at Nordstrom's') that her dream job does, in fact, exist?"—Lara Williams

"That cheesy new snack cracker, Nabisco Za-Zings."—Tim Carvell

"The fast-growing, expandable replies to the News Quiz by Jon Zerolnick & Josh Kamensky."—Alfa-Betty Olsen

"Is this one of those quiz questions where the no-penis-joke rule is invoked?"—Evan Cornog

"Thankfully they didn't buy Procter & Gamble, because then we'd have to let loose with the Olestra jokes! Oh wait, I just wrote 'loose' and 'Olestra' in the same sentence. Too late."—Charlie Glassenberg

"I've poked it, I've sniffed it, and I still don't know what it is."—Greg Diamond

" 'Retail consultant.' Oh, sorry, is 'ugly couples' over?"—Jon Zerolnick