"Move over, Washington Generals! The Vulcans will beat the Globetrotters ... using Mathletics!"—Josh Kamensky

"Build a metal safe at Los Alamos, N.M., for hot hard drives."—Will Vehrs

"To boldly go where no Roman gods of fire and metalworking have gone before."—Francis Heaney

"To live long and prosper on the gridiron, duh!"—Carrie Rickey (Mark Romoser, Diana Williams, and Scott Murphy had similar answers.)

"To kill Shatner, that sanctimonious prick! Buying gasoline on the Internet is just not logical."—Mark Wade

"You're just trying to flush out the geeks amongst us, but it's not going to work, kyeptin!"—Greg Diamond (similarly Trekky, Joe Hawk, Dilan Esper, and Charlie Clack)

"I don't know exactly who the Vulcans are supposed to be, but my best friend really likes that Seven of Nine chick from Star Trek: Voyager. Do you suppose the Vulcans have something to do with that?"—Pete Miesel

"[Insert obligatory Star Trek/Leonard Nimoy/Dr./Mr. Spock reference here] Ha! Ain't I funny?"—Whitney Pastorek

"Put me down for a 'similarly' on all answers conscientiously (or derisively) objecting to Star Trek-related answers."—Jon Drumwright (similarly, Mark Shotzberger)

"Put me down for a similarly for anything involving the words 'skanky,' 'polecat,' or 'elephantiasis.' Not that any such answer is likely to appear, but if one does, I want to look like I was clever enough to come up with the same idea."—Francis Heaney

"Move over, Sharks! The Vulcans will beat the Jets to a bloody pulp ... using Mathletics!"—Josh Kamensky

"To play Beethoven's Fifth during halftime of a Rose Bowl."—Mark Wade

"To design Madonna's new stage bra."—Larry Amoros

"Bring the State Volunteer Firefighters' bowling trophy back to Birmingham. And I hear the captain's at work on a book, The Inner Game of Bowling."—Deborah Wassertzug

"To smelt and forge, play études, and jog in and out of tires mightily!"—Colleen Werthmann

"To grab their hotties, crack some frosties, crank up some Liszt, and party down, dude!"—Ellis Weiner

"To introduce the joys of rubber to all those poor communities that have done without for so long."—Rose White

"To desissify 'music queers' everywhere. Look out Sondheim!"—Charlie Glassenberg

"Infinite Diversity, Infinite Combinations. Or once every seven years to get laid."—Daniel Krause

"Currently 378 feet below the Earth's surface, the Vulcans are on a mission to dig from Palo Alto, Calif., to China. Their progress is hampered only by their frequent trips back up to the surface for Monday Night Football."—Whitney Pastorek

"Approved preacher fashions: cassock and hot pants. Oops, that's the Southern Baptist submission from last week. Sorry."—Carl Dietrich

"To conquer the Ptolemies in NBC's new reality-based blockbuster Who Wants To Be an Inbred and Artistic but Masculine Gladiatorial Survivor?"—Richard Kahn-Nikonovich

"To use their strength in numbers to make sure one of them is the last one left on the island after their tribal companions are all kicked out."—Mike DeSantis

"Move over, NATO! The Vulcans will defeat Slobodan Milosevic ... using Mathletics!—Josh Kamensky

Self-Reference Corner

"I'm not sure, but I figure that it must somehow involve drilling the pants off someone's basin."—Charlie Glassenberg

"I'm sorry, I'm finding it hard to concentrate. Am I to understand that evidently, last time around, four female participants independently thought to predicate a response on 'instructing hookers in proper blow-job technique'? Clearly, I'm not the only one still reading Salon."—Greg Diamond