"Fiji—stay in Vijay Singh's commandeered house."—Tom Tegtmeyer

"Fiji—the way the world should be ... according to Pat Buchanan."—Raphael Laufer

"Fiji—the way the world will be, once the job-destroying World Trade Organization has its way."—Shelby Clark

"What you should say when you slam your thumb in the car door."—Scott Perkins

"Fiji—where in the world are we?"—John Hood

"Fiji—what you'd name your pet cat, not a freakin island, for christssake!"—Mike Berla

"Fiji—more beaches for rich whites than any other country."—Peter M. O'Donnell

"Fiji—the other F word."—Tim Lundberg

"Fiji—not a shirtless consultant among us."—Barbara Lippert

"Fiji—My country, right or wrong. When right, to be kept right. When wrong, to kill the Indians."—Gary Drevitch

"Fiji—rhymes with squeegee."—Mark Wade

"Fiji—warmer than Montana, and no pussy wannabe militias either."—Scott Mathias

"Sorry we shot up your car. No, really, we're very, very sorry. It was an accident, we swear. Here's a muffin, it's the muffin of apology. Now can we have our prime minister back, please?"—John Leigh

"Fiji—Salman Rushdie says, 'Indigenous people, Who needs 'Em!' Craven council of elders issues its own Fijian fatwa on Rushdie."—Todd York