"Clinton! The answer is Bill Clinton! I don't care if it makes any sense; if it's got 'pants off' and 'Bill Clinton,' it's funny. Ask Jay Leno. He's a highly paid humor professional."—Steve Gisselbrecht (John Tyrrell had a similar answer, but without the self-and-Leno-mocking twist.)

"Joke writer, The Tonight Show."—Noah Meyerson

"The effort to finally impregnate Celine Dion. It took the hard work of 300 Canadian lumberjacks and ore miners with the assistance of 100 wheat farmers to get her knocked up! All Canada is rejoicing, and the prime minister has proclaimed this day will from now on be known as "Ovulation Day." Now if we can just Alanis Morissette to realize her biological clock is running out."—Mark Shotzberger

"I sure hope that he's my physician as he claims, or else he has a lot of explaining to do about my last physical exam."—Mark Wade

"As of yesterday, he's the new editor of Oprah's magazine."—Greg Diamond

"Britney Spears' body surgeon."—Barbara Lippert

"Much like blacks after the Civil War, Canadians are migrating north in search of jobs and a better life. Unlike blacks, Canadians don't realize that the far north is a vast, frozen wasteland (sort of like marriage, but don't get me started)."—Steven Davis

"Mr. Anderson is obviously a member of the Microsoft legal defense team. He and his colleagues will continue to 'drill the pants off this basin,' a very clear reference to a common legal practice, and then 'head north' beyond the reach of extradition."—Paul H. DeGeest

"I don't know, but it sounds really kinky. In a geological kind of way, that is."—Sharon Stern

"He's a sports columnist upset that the Devils won the Stanley Cup."—Matt Sullivan (similarly, Beth Sherman and Mark Romoser)

"At his arraignment, J.C. Anderson screamed to the pool of reporters outside the courtroom, 'I tell ya, that basin is nothing more than a lying tramp! I'm innocent!' "—Pete Miesel

"How can something going on in Canada affect all Americans? Don't we have a constitutional right to ignore everything that happens there?"—Jan Werner

"He's a Canadian! He doesn't have to do anything for a living—they have cradle-to-grave Cheez Whiz, for God's sake!"—Jon Zerolnick & Josh Kamensky

"Like all Canadians, he is a beer-swilling, back-bacon eating, hockey-obsessed lumberjack, despite all those Molson ads to the contrary. Did I mention the igloo?"—Tim Lowell

"Washington, D.C.'s Tidal Basin will be filled with tiny holes, draining all the water out of it. Anderson has dedicated his life to the belief that world peace will be possible only when pedal-driven boats are finally eradicated from North America."—Deborah Wassertzug

"He's off to Daytona Beach, Fla., for spring break, and then it's back to the U. of C. for another goddamn Alberta winter."—Doug Sheppard

"He's one of several Canadian pranksters who sneak into American homes to drill holes in the bottoms of bathtubs, causing untold hundreds of dollars in water damage."—Gary Drevitch

"He's a painter by day. He just destroys the environment in his spare time for the love of it."—Francis Heaney

"He's a cell animator for Wallace and Gromit."—Colleen Werthmann

"He's styling Roseanne for her Playboy shoot."—Gary Drevitch

"I don't know, but he is obviously a Francophone with a very bad interpreter."—David Feige

"Just another lonely, single, liquid-gold miner who's looking for love in all the wrong places."—Kathy Whitesel

"He's a spy on her majesty's secret service—with a license to drill! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha … I'm sorry."—Francis Heaney

"He's traffic director for the Calgary Stampede."—Carrie Rickey (similarly, Steven Davis)

"He's a plumber from Banff who recently accepted a new job above the Arctic Circle. Why he ever bolted his slacks to the sink is anyone's guess."—Jon Drumwright

"Using the Calgary reference as a hint, it's likely the Albertan had a wishy-washy Canadian accent. Thus what was heard as 'basin' in fact was 'bison' (note the subconscious sublimation of the ego via the vague 'i'), and Anderson was a rustler who had inadvertently stumbled upon Comanche territory and stolen their last wild bull. 'Drill the pants off,' of course, means 'to kill.' With a posse of Native Americans hot on his heels, the northern neighbor couldn't afford to let a bison slow him down."—John Hood

"Foolish Canadian! With the all-but-certain ascension of enviro-President Gore, there will be no need for oil! You will perish unloved in your icy Arctic basin!"—Jon Zerolnick & Josh Kamensky

Pants Reference Corner

"Drills the pants off of basins."—Merrill Markoe (similarly, Scott Mathias)

"He's the Robin Hood of pants."—Ed Page

"He's a basin de-pantser. Lots of people think this is mostly a Calgary thing, but the northern potential market is HUGE."—Katha Pollitt

Porn Reference Corner

"Soft-porn star and a cliché monster to boot."—Brooke Saucier

"J.C. Anderson is, of course, a famous Canadian porn actor, but isn't that really an oxymoron, because no good porn comes from Canada."—Joe Hawk (similarly, but less xenophobic, Chet Samonds)

"Clearly, he writes erotica for plumbers. He's well-known for such toolbelt-rippers as Love on a Cold Tile Floor; Love Sinks: Cracks, Leaks, Drips, and Other Stories; and his all-time best seller, Snaking the Pipes."—Aleta Kalkstein (similarly, but movies, John Leary; but live shows, Vincent Basehart)

"I'd rather not get specific. Let's just say the words, 'leggings,' 'grouter,' and 'Kurt Browning' are all involved."—Larry Amoros

Self-Reference Corner

"He edits the Washington Post's Style Invitational. Za-zing!"—Greg Diamond

"If I'd only listened to my dad, I, too, could have been a Renegade-Canadian Basin-Pant Driller ... didn't know there was money in that."—Craig Aranha

"I have no idea, but trying to imagine a basin with its pants on, and then with its pants drilled off, has been strangely arousing."—Jan Werner