"Transmissions from other intelligent civilizations confirm: Woody Allen's movies just don't have 'it' anymore."—Ellis Weiner

"Is a Reggie Miller 1-for-16-free zone being declared?"—Pete Miesel

"If you add 69 to 666 you get 735. The hexadecimal equivalent of 735 is 2dF. So, apparently this has something to do with having oral sex with Satan. In the sky. Over Australia."—Michael Mannella

"Yippee!! I knew it!!! It's Mini-Me!!"—David Feige

"I don't know, but I think it means that the sections on heliocentrism can legally be put back into Kansas textbooks."—Jon Zerolnick

"Meaning Asteroid 2dF intends to whoop Mohammed Ali's ass, only I wouldn't be so smug, 2dF!"—Richard Nikonovich-Kahn (Andrew Staples had a similar answer.)

"All of the remaining film footage of Tupac has finally been used in theatrical releases."—Steve Kiefer

"What?! Lisa Kudrow is leaving Friends? Awww!"—Colin Delaney

"Battlefield Earth."—Andrew Puzzio

"I'm not exactly sure what the 'end of greatness' is all about, but I'm almost positive Britney Spears' second album is at least partially responsible."—Ariel Gilbert-Knight

" …but Ricky Martin."—Jim Hughes

"… but the decline of Nicolas Cage's acting career."—Pete Miesel

"… but Peter Allen in Legs Diamond."—Andrew Milner

"The Portland Trail Blazers' fourth-quarter collapse in Game 7 against the Lakers."—Dilan Esper (similarly, Peter Carlin)

"Why Australian astronomers have to use a special code to describe Bill Clinton's lame-duck months is beyond me."—Peter G. Eipers (similarly, Scott Pollino)

"The band is breaking up. The Village People are going back to their villages."—Winter Miller (similarly, but Men at Work, Sharon Dynek )

"Then it's true? (Sniff) Ally McBeal really has been canceled (choke, sob)."—Mark Romoser

"That's just science-speak for 'nice ass.' "—Greg Diamond

"The beginning of greatosity."—Michael Maiello

"That we can expect every movie from now until the end of time to be really bad and to have a stupid M: I-2-ish acronym (much like the aforementioned Australian documentary 2dF, short for Two Dingos Farting, financed by the Farrelly brothers)."—Francis Heaney

"Beyond Thunderdome really was the last Mad Max film."—Benjamin Anderson

"Helen Reddy has come out of her public-imposed retirement and is now cluttering the airwaves with '2dF,' her badass debut into the world of hip-hop."—Larry Amoros

"That them in the Antipodes are grousing about Russell Crowe being classified as an American luminary instead of an Australian. Can't we English-speakers all just get along, mate?"—Carrie Rickey

"Australian rapper 2Def has announced he will not play Perth this year, and no, the kangaroo in the video isn't real."—Josh Kamensky (similarly, Jon Drumwright)

"Australia has sold the rights to the phrase 'Down Under' to Bob Guccione."—Greg Diamond

"Mel Gibson no longer rules at the box office, and Russell Crowe is actually a Kiwi."—Felix Salmon

"2dF represents the grades given to the three Australian grad students for their research project."—Steven Davis

"2 drink Foster's. Thereby destroying hundreds of fine microbreweries, which used to produce wonderful lagers and ales with distinctive tastes and aromas."—Mark Wade

"2dF studies the advent of e-books in the marketplace."—M. G. Lord

"Jimmie Walker will never make a comeback."—Mark Terry

"Donald Trump is withdrawing his sponsorship."—Francis Heaney (similarly, Peter O'Toole)

" 'Meaning as long as you're looking for a job and living with us,' said Kid Rock's mother, 'you'll obey the rules of this house.' "—Josh Kamensky

"Don't worry, this happens to all astronomical phenomena sometimes; you just need to relax. Shall I make you some tea?"—Greg Diamond (similarly, Mike Berla)

Self-Reference Corner

"I don't know, but Keith Finney could replace Selena Roberts any day!"—Aleta Kalkstein

"The end of my hopes for greatness came when I got my second 'F' in fourth grade too. And it didn't take a bunch of Australian scientists to prove it either."—John Tyrrell

"Thank God! Now that 'greatness' is at an end, I can stop pretending I have goals and focus exclusively on spiraling down into mediocrity."—Ariel Gilbert-Knight

"You know, this particular News Quiz seems awfully esoteric. When are we going to get something like, 'Crazed beaver attacks two Newfoundlands'?"—Steven Davis