"The question was, 'How are you today, Mr. Mayor?' Is it just me, or is this guy losing it?"—Daniel Radosh

"Mr. Mayor, do you have any comments on Galileo's statement, 'E pur si muove'?"—Deborah Wassertzug

"Why do you feel most comfortable in the missionary position?"—Joseph Welch

"Do you have any words of encouragement you'd like to pass on to your prostate cells?"—Greg Diamond

"When will the curfew be suspended so that we can leave our homes and buy food?"—Charlie Glassenberg (Sheila D. Goodman had a similar answer.)

"Can you apply your expertise in public relations to give some advice to residents of Los Alamos, N.M., worried about brush fires?"—Doug Ingram

" 'Is it safe?' But I don't know why Giuliani's scary dentist was at a press conference."—Francis Heaney (similarly, Carl Deitrich)

"Could you improvise some lyrics for a hypothetical early Talking Heads song, set to a techno beat, dealing with life in a happy suburb?"—Greg Diamond (similarly, but patented mayoral scat-singing, Tim Carvell; but scratching, Francis Heaney; but "art of noise," Doug Ingram; but faux-Pink Floyd, Dave Cameron)

"Is it true that you intend to replace the Statue of Liberty with the Statue of Joe Torre?"—Charlie Glassenberg

"And in this dream, after you tried to run away with your pants around your ankles, what did Ms. Reno say?"—Dave Cameron

"Could you do your Gertrude Stein imitation?"—David L. Duncan

"Will there be white flight out of movie theaters at first glimpse of John Travolta's dreads?"—Winter Miller (similarly, Doug Ingram)

"So when Judith moves in, is Donna moving out?"—Lenore Canter

"News conference? That was The New Yorker poetry reading. 'Fess up, you all got off your grass-stained butts and stumbled away after Derek Walcott read, thinking there wouldn't be anymore poetry."—Deborah Wassertzug

"Can the members of the press go to the bathroom, Mr. Mayor?"—Peter Carlin

"Is it true Jaid Barrymore wants to live here permanently?"—Beth Sherman

"Who is leaving Riker's Island these days?"—David Feige

"Mr. Mayor, is it true that altar boys feel under siege and are leaving the city in droves?"—William Vehrs

"It was asked by a tourist from some barbaric, uncivilized city, wondering aloud if anyone could possibly care if they crossed Broadway on a red. 'Really,' the tourist opined before being reprimanded by the mayor, 'you would think the New York City police would have better things to do with themselves than issue jaywalking tickets.' "—Sharon Stern

"Can you comment on the stars of NBC's Friends having called you for advice or support in the face of rumors that if their $1 million per episode demand is not met, they could be picked up by CBS?"—Aleta Kalkstein

"Will you be kicked out of the mansion and forced to live with the homeless folks that you've tried to kick off the streets?"—Joe Hawk

"Any truth to the rumor that nearly 20,000 hard-working, immigrant citizens you have locked up in vaults under City Hall are beginning to get loose from their shackles and leg irons?"—Larry Amoros (similarly, but children sedated in his dungeon, Greg Diamond)

"Is there any truth to the rumor that the homeless may be returning to Bryant Park, perhaps during the Monday night summer movie program?"—Charles Star

"How was your ride on the new Bryant Park roller coaster, mayor?"—Francis Heaney

"What would be the advantage to a proposed wall around Manhattan?"—Dave Cameron

"Is it true that the Mets are going to trade for John Rocker?"—Jim Cochran

"Those bratty 90210 kids aren't thinking of moving to New York for careers on Broadway, are they?"—Deborah Way

"Due to recent incidents involving the NYPD and African-Americans, do you predict massive black flight from the city?"—Carrie Rickey (similarly, but white flight, Anthony Wright)

"If I repeat something that is make-believe four times, will it sound true? I love my wife. I love my wife. I love my wife. Dammit—it's a trick!"—Winter Miller

"Mr. Mayor, is it true that the Knicks are moving out of Madison Square Garden out of fear of being shot by the NYPD?"—Mark Shotzberger (similarly, but Steinbrenner moving to the Meadowlands, Gary Frazier; but the Houston Rockets moving to Louisville, Pete Miese)

"It was, after all, just a prank call to Salman Rushdie and his new girlfriend."—Anthony Wright

"Will you confirm that you are moving little Elián to New York?"—Andrew Staples

"Any comment on the recent drop in West African immigration?"—Erik Newson

"Mr. Mayor, does the separation mean your wife and children are going to move out of Gracie Mansion and into a gang-infested part of the Bronx?"—Cliff Schoenberg (similarly, Christopher T. Chinnock and Greg Diamond)

"The mayor was asked whether he thought his latest anti-crime campaign—Freeze, New York—consisting of a citywide lockdown would a) really be obeyed, and b) really enhance safety."—Ben Heller

"Do you think President Clinton's disbarment will affect Hillary's ability to make her mortgage payments? Will she be able to maintain her New York residency?"—Rose White

"Mr. Mayor, why are the New York police surrounding the park and kicking the shit out of the reporters?"—Jud Mathews

"When will the NYPD vice squad release the 500 U.N. peacekeepers that they took hostage at Washington Square Park last week after one of the U.N. soldiers 'looked curious' after an undercover cop's suggestion that they go off together and 'smoke a bowl'?"—Michael Maiello (similarly, Brian Hamburg)

"What are the chances, Mr. Mayor, that by irradiating your prostate you will cause it come alive, that it will grow and mutate into enormous proportions, creating a monster that can breathe nuclear fire and crush our tallest buildings with a backhanded slap, that your actions could bring life to such a beast, a veritable prostzilla, against whom our mightiest defenses would be of little avail. What say you, Mr. Mayor? Are the chances high and should we move to New Jersey for our children's sake?"—Colin Delaney