"Shit-encrusted gramophones."—Susan Vance

"Well, this certainly changes the Republican congressional leadership's vacation plans."—Floyd Elliot (similarly, Steven Davis, Mark Romoser, Dola Nasr, and Eliot Cohen; but the Reform Party, Mark Ciccarello)

"The oil refineries that were installed during James Watt's tenure as secretary of the interior."—Tim Carvell

"U-boats."—Evan Cornog

"The Utah Jazz."—Adam Bonin

"German tourists."—Stuart Wade

"My German relatives, natch."—Colleen Werthmann

"My Uncle Marion's crack pipes."—Joseph Bernstein

"Grandpa and his friends from the social club."—Sophie Pollitt-Cohen (similarly, Floyd Elliot)

"My grandmother's car. But it's not like some little, old, Jewish lady from Jersey is going to be driving through Yellowstone sometime soon, anyhow. So I wonder if maybe Assistant Secretary Barry could be working on some less-theoretical problems."—Jesse Oxfeld (similarly automotive, but Dodge Darts, Gary Drevitch; but '72 VW buses, David Oakes)

"New York City buses. (Come to think of it, we don't see that many of them in Manhattan, either.)"—Mark Romoser (similarly, but the No. 7 train, Ken Novak)

"All the wild animals. 'We're moving toward more of a Web-based experience, and we are also looking to reduce our insurance costs,' added Barry."—Charlie Glassenberg (similarly, Raymond Chen, Jason Ross, Dola Nasr, John Haines; but replaced by robo-squirrels, Chris Lipe; replaced by Starbucks, Rich Klicki, Robert F. Beckmann, and Jud Mathews)

"Andy Griffith's dentures."—Larry Amoros

"Low-flying P-47s piloted by skunks."—Jason Ross

"Thus sounds the death knell of another possible location for the Modern Museum."—Doug Ingram

"Hippies."—Daniel Radosh (similarly, Tim Carvell, Emily Stricker, J & O Hargrave, and some other responses I lost)

"All those Unabomber wannabees living in shacks throughout our National Parks."—Michael Maiello

"An Eagles reunion concert."—Mary Anne Townsend (similarly but Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, John Hilbert; Supremes reunion tour, Gary Drevitch)

"Any more original cast reunions of Hair."—Greg Diamond (similarly but Oh, Calcutta, Gary Drevitch)

"Fidel Castro. And if you ask me, The Miami relatives are getting a little out of line, dictating policy to the Interior Department."—Peter G. Eipers

"Miami's Cuban exil... This is just among us friends, right?"—Jason Ross (similarly, Mark Wade, Mark Romoser, Credence Fogo, Peter Carlin, Jon Bourgault, Josh Kamensky, and Dilan Esper)

"Retired French Canadian tourists?"—Julia Brown (similarly, Tim Carvell, Tamara Glenny, and Jon Bourgault)

"An automat."—Cliff Schoenberg

"No one seems to want the remains of Disneyland's Pirates of the Carribean exhibit anymore."—Andrew Staples

"Heterosexual marriage ceremonies."—William Vehrs

"The D.A.R."—M. G. Lord

"Those damn old people. They walk too slowly along the trails anyway."—Lewis Wheaton (similarly, Ben Heller and Gayle Clark)

"Dead talking gorillas."—Tim Carvell (similarly, Mark Romoser)

"I had no idea the trout situation was so out of control."—Daniel Radosh (similarly but spotted owls, Christine McNamara)

"Bears?"—Paul Hinrichs (similarly, Steven Davis)

"Yogi Bear and his Hanna-Barbera friends."—Steven Levy (similarly, Gayle Clark, Steven Davis, Jon Bourgault, Gary Drevitch, Colin McKee, Monty Ashley, and Josh Kamensky)

"OK, so Don doesn't like his in-laws. But does he have the legal authority to ban them from our parks?"—Gary Drevitch (similarly, Jason Ross; but Randy's relatives, Tim Carvell)

"Geysers and hot springs."—Charlie Glassenberg (similarly, Carrie Rickey)

"Clearly, he's talking about Chad Lowe and Brad Rowe. And it' s a relief to know that I'm not the only one disturbed by the fact that the stars of this week's big TV movies, The '70s and The John Denver Story, are clearly the same person disguised by an alliterative pseudonym."—Peter Carlin

Self-Reference Corner

"Me."—Steven Davis (similarly, Greg Diamond, John Tyrrell; but their own relatives—damn!—Michael "Rim Shot" Mannella, Gary Drevitch, and Tom Tegtmeyer)

"It's a shame that Yellowstone had to do it, I for one will miss Tim Carvell's 8-track keggers with the burgers cooked on the engine block of a 1973 AMC Pacer."—Pete Miesel

"The seven Chinese grannies with eight teeth between them."—Mark Wade

"News Quiz Klassic (TM): Strom Thurmond's ass."—Matt Sullivan