"Earned out a book advance."—Peter Carlin

"Dated a non-model."—Jennifer Weiner

"Peeked at Martin Amis' latest contract."—Jason Ross

"Accidentally allowed himself to feel proper amount of guilt for being a shit to Marianne Wiggins."—Ken Tucker

"Hold up his 'Hello Iranian Moderates!' sign in front of the Today show."—William Vehrs

"Had an Amazon number under 100,000."—Peter Lerangis

"Check e-mail."—Michael Fainelli

"Open the shades."—Peter Boghossian (David Black had a similar answer, but the front door.)

"I had no idea that ordering out for pizza could be so dramatic!"—Steve Gisselbrecht

"Saw Les Misérables. Said afterward, 'I was right the first time: Sentimentality run amuck.' "—Carl Dietrich

"Played on the Santa Monica freeway."—Floyd Elliot

"Played Vegas."—Tim Carvell

"Walked through Wal-Mart."—Christine McNamara

"One word Salman: Metamucil."—Steven Davis

"Tried to drive through Boston traffic."—Tim "Can you Big Dig it?" Olevsky

" 'I get confused by all the private chat requests,' said Rushdie (rushman9687), comparing the infant AOL of a decade ago with the infantile AOL of today."—Rose White (similarly, Josh Kamensky)

"Prepared for the book tour for his latest novel, Bite Me, Buddha."—Floyd Elliot

" 'But once he began asking questions, he seemed a regular fellow! I called him Leo, he called me Sal,' Rushdie went on breathlessly."—Peter Lerangis

"Opened a FedEx box without first soaking it in a giant tub of water."—Jon Hotchkiss

"Actually listened to U2. 'Everything since The Joshua Tree really just blows, doesn't it?' Rushdie added."—Daniel Radosh (similarly, as I recall, but I may be confused here, Floyd Elliot)

"Visit Shea Stadium: He's talking about the urine stench."—Anthony Wright

"Went for a schvitz."—Adam Bonin and Jennifer Weiner (on vacation in Miami Beach)

"Had a good long soak in a hot tub with a few of his favorite mullahs."—Ellis Weiner

"Maybe Knott's Berry Farm should have picked a less circumspect pitchman for the ads fronting its new 1,001 Arabian Knights roll-a-coaster."—Jon Drumwright

"Joined his fellow English lads in a few pints of lager and a football game, followed by a pitched street battle against opposing fans."—Charlie Glassenberg

"Sometimes I find myself crying in the paper goods aisle of the grocery store; I just can't figure out whether to buy 12 rolls of single-sheet toilet paper or six rolls of double-sheet toilet paper. There are too many choices these days."—Rose White

"Got a 'brain freeze' after buying a Slurpy at a 7-Eleven. It was his first public appearance with other Iranians (the clerks) since his death penalty was announced."—Mark "Thank you, come again!" Shotzberger (similarly, Colin Delaney)

"Snogged Angelina Jolie's brother."—Beth Sherman

"Please put me done as 'similarly' for anything to do with the following: sex, a little somethin' somethin', intercourse, making the beast with two backs, fornication, gettin' mad booty, coitus, the bedsheet mambo, the ole' slap-n-tickle, orgiastic Bacchanal, love ain't nothing but sex misspelled, and any and all references to the following figures—D H. Lawerence, the Marquis de Sade, Colette, Oscar Wilde, Eugene O'Neill, and Henry Miller."—Colin Delaney (similarly, Carl Dietrich, David Finkle, Jack Hitt, Steven Davis, and as requested, although it's making my head hurt in some meta-quiz way, Colin Delaney)

Pharmacology Corner

"A Quaalude."—Larry Amoros

"Pop another Ritalin-Prozac cocktail."—Dawn Shurmaitis

"I'm surprised he didn't break out the hallucinogens while he was still in hiding. Believe me, it makes being stuck indoors a lot more interesting."—Francis Heaney (similarly, Tim Carvell, Anthony Wright, and Laura Miller)

Cinema Corner (or "Sorner")

"Watched Tom Hanks' endearing portrayal of a 12-year-old boy in 1988's Big."—Danny Spiegel

"Attended a screening of GALAPAGOS at an IMAX theater. Because even novelists have to have FUN sometimes!!!"—Deborah Wassertzug

"Catching up with the grown-up Christian Bale in American Psycho (2000), having not seen the quondam moppet since Empire of the Sun (1987). If Rushdie had followed Bale's career by seeing, for example, Little Women (1994), The Portrait of a Lady (1996), Metroland (1997), and Velvet Goldmine (1998), this would not have been such a shock."—Jeff Book

"Saw Superman II on a big screen. 'I was a huge fan of the movie when it came out,' Rushdie added, 'And I went to the theater and saw it, like, six times. But I never rented it on video, 'cause it always seemed to me like it would lose something on the small screen. And then there was that fatwa against me, so I wasn't getting out to the movies much. But these days, nobody seems to want to kill me anymore, and our local multiplex runs old movies on Friday and Saturday midnight, so I went to the first show, and it was just like I remembered it. It kicked ass! It made me want to go strangle a Muslim deity or something! Whoops. Did I just say that out loud? Damn. You'll excuse me. I have to go.' "—Tim Carvell

Kids Komedy Korner

"Get pooped on by the pigeons at Trafalgar Square."—Brooke Saucier

"Left a flaming bag of poo at the front door of the Iranian Embassy."—Charles Star

Self-Reference Corner

"Attend a U2 concert. Is that my final answer? Yes. I think so. Regis, please stop looking at me like that ... arrgh, now I just don't know! I'd like to phone my friend Tim Carvell."—Francis Heaney

"Took a real shower. No, wait, that was me—I'm still overwhelmed."—Dave Cameron

"Received a long, flirty letter from Greta Garbo, who wrote knowingly of the bohemian gay circles of 1930s Hollywood and warned him not to gossip about their intense, if sexually ambiguous relationship. Oops, that wasn't Rushdie ... that's me again. Sorry."—Peter Carlin