"How about testicles? Are testicles OK?"—Tim Carvell

" 'Who' is a mysterious man from a former Soviet republic; 'what' is the human heart. Yes, the Supreme Court is now granting cert to so few cases that they've starting spending Tuesdays debating about X-Files episodes."—Greg Diamond

"Ms. Bond squeezed Robert Plant's lemon, till the juice ran down his leg."—Matt Sullivan

"Dutch paleontologist Dick Mol, using 'Bond' as one of those catchy, appearing-at-the-Supreme-Court pseudonyms made so popular by Norma 'Jane Roe" McCorvey. Mol squeezed—indeed touched and even smelled—the soft parts of a nearly intact woolly mammoth, recently discovered wrapped in a pair of pants inside a suitcase in the overhead compartment of a Greyhound bus."—Jesse Oxfeld

"Ms. Bond squeezed Robert JOHNSON's lemon, till the juice ran down his leg."—Matt Sullivan

" 'Solicitor' general? I must exit News Quiz and read about the sexy Supreme Court!"—Carl Dietrich

"Justice Scalia had been complaining to the court that his brain muscles are now so big, whenever he flexes them in public people can't resist giving them a squeeze."—Daniel Barenholtz

"Wolf Blitzer who, amid a crush of adoring reporters on the 'Straight Talk Express,' was the only one who visibly fondled John McCain's Purple Heart medal."—Charles Kenner

"I must express my personal outrage that you felt the need to invoke 'the penis-free zone.' Other than that, I have nothing to say."—Michael Mannella

"It sounds like a sale at Wal-Mart. Ole Sam is still squeezing from beyond the grave."—Steven Davis

"Heavily armed riders of the No.7 subway, surrounding John Rocker in his vestibule, correctly assumed that the large bulge in his pants must be his very dangerous wallet."—Scott F. Perkins

"One of those 'sculptures you feel' created by Demi Moore in The Juror."—Laura Miller

"Penis, for God's sake! It's so obvious! Make it your final answer, man! Regis is just baiting you!"—Doug Benning

"I am not sure what it was, but Justices Thomas and Souter kept giggling during the testimony."—Joe Hawk

"Gee willikers, this one really stumps me. I'm gonna guess the United States squeezed Bond … unless it was the other way around."—David Finkle

" 'Penis-free zone' my ass."—Greg Diamond

"Has to be an accordion, and since there was a lawsuit, probably not an accordion player."—Dee Lacey

"A few overzealous Supreme Court groupies were accused of caressing Chief Justice Rehnquist's robes as they rode up in an elevator with him. Accustomed to the mere kissing of his hand or touching of the hem of his garment, Rehnquist complained."—David Ballard

"James Bond squeezed an appendage of some kind of crustacean, apparently."—Daniel Radosh (Dee Lacey, David Ballard, Ian O'Henley, and David Feige had similar answers.)

"The 'Bond' was James Bond, squeezing a lovely pair of breasts. Chicken breasts, that is, served with a lovely champagne vinaigrette sauce and steamed asparagus at Château du Château in the Swiss Alps. A sweaty Felix Leiter remarked 'Damn, James, those breasts look magnificent.' To which Bond replied, 'Yesh, and the chicken looksh tashty ash well!' And everyone laughed, 'Oh, James ...' "—Dave Cameron (similarly, Juris Odins and Greg Andrews)

"I believe it was Sean Connery who squeezed Ursula Andress in Dr. No and actually, Bond was helping the Americans ... not fighting them."—Paul Baltzer

" 'Machine-gun-disguised-as-briefcase. Or my nifty umbrella-sword.' (007 is, of course, suing Clarence Thomas for insisting on playing with his 'cool spy stuff' on the Supreme Court/MI5 joint picnic bus.)"—Lynn Rosetta

"Kathie Lee squeezed the Charmin, I mean Charmless."—Carrie Rickey

"Penis-free zone??? You give us a leading question like this and then declare a penis-free zone??? Oh cruel, unfair, foul play ... Oh, all right then, put me down for one Mr. Whipple squeezing the Charmin answer. (But under protest.)"—Elizabeth Rymph (similarly, David L. Duncan, Anthony Stone, Steven Davis, Dee Lacey, Kevin Kenow, Floyd Elliot, Mark Lemmons, David Ballard, and Daniel Barenholtz)

"I never thought the case The People vs. Mr. Whipple would get this far."—Rich Klicki

"Can we please get over the Charmin thing already?"—Ron Lieber

"Clearly not everyone is as thrilled as I am by the triumphant return of Mr. Whipple."—Julie Anderson

"NOT George Dubya and NOT his penis."—Carl "Tied Up in Nots" Dietrich

"Brand spanking new copy of the Eichmann memoir."—Beth Sherman

"A DEA agent; and no, Britney Spears was not smuggling a brick of methamphetamine to the Grammys inside her breasts. He did report, by the way, that they are all natural, consisting of twigs, straw, and a small amount of beef byproduct."—Floyd Elliot (similarly, Josh Kamensky)

"Aw, no penises? Really? Not even a little tiny one? (Er, not mine. Someone else's entirely.) (Really.)"—Floyd Elliot

"Profit margins to almost zero ... oh what's that? That case is heard TOMORROW? Never mind."—Anthony "Uncle Tony" Stone

"NRA members have been lovingly stroking and squeezing their own and others' guns in crowded public places, invoking their Second Amendment rights to 'feel the love.' "—Daniel Barenholtz

"The slab of mystery meat served as the in-flight meal. Mmmm, too hard for meatloaf, too soft for pork, too dark for chicken, too light for beef."—Paul Parry

"Come on! there's only one possible answer: Strom Thurmond's ass. Unless some lapse in taste has made this no longer a penis-free zone?"—P. Mattick

"Boobies, boobies, boobies!"—Dave Cameron (similarly, Charles Star)

Self-Reference Corner

"Hey! I went through this once, seven years ago."—Larry Amoros

"My doctor squeezed my wrist to measure how much my pulse rate went up when I was mentioned in the same breath as Tim Carvell and Katha Pollitt in Tuesday's quiz. But he didn't have to push and grab me; that was just weird."—Francis Heaney