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Dave Eggers

Posted Wednesday, Dec. 15, 1999, at 9:00 PM ET

1:46 a.m. The reason I am mentioning the police officer who was standing in the middle of the tiny convenience store reading a magazine called Horny is that I care. Someone must care about this police officer, whose name was not apparent on his badge or name tag but who we will call Jonah, because if we do not care about this officer no one will care, and he will fall through a hole created by our lack of concern. Someone must care for Jonah, just as someone must care that there are always three or four squad cars at the corner of Seventh Avenue and Ninth Street at all hours of the day and night, and someone must begin to wonder why this is. Yes, there is Smiling Pizza, which is a very valid reason to be parked at this corner, as their pizza is very pizza-like and can be eaten with one's hands and mouth. And there is the diner, which offers decent food for staying or for going, not to mention pastries. And there is this convenience store, where, just a few minutes ago, the policeman was standing, right in the middle of the small and otherwise empty convenience store, reading Horny, which is a magazine of sexual (and probably graphically so) content. His shoes were well-shined, this police officer's were, and he seemed deeply engrossed in the pages of Horny, so much so that when someone else (your narrator) walked in, the officer did not move or alter his Horny-reading ways (to interrupt for a brief second here: Why do you suppose that, given all the money and wonderful minds that are being spent on the exploitation and improvement of this electronic medium, the Web, which you enjoy and I enjoy, we still cannot create adequate italics? Why must they look like they look above, each and every time we want to write something in italics, like for instance this word: Horny? There we go again. Not italics at all really--they're merely roman letters set at a 45-degree angle, and always with that extra space afterward, which looks ridiculous, like the result of a sticky key on a typewriter. Is not that a chief problem with the medium generally, the chintziness that has yet to be shaken from its most basic elements, like its italics, and its banners, and, worse yet, its flashing banners? Is it not odd that here, on this site and others, where we gather so many of our best thinkers and writers to be doing all this very nice thinking and writing, they should be surrounded by this, all these many intractable flaws, which surely ought to be corrected if ever the medium will?) So anyway, the Horny-reading cop: After my young roommate (see Monday's entry) was told about the Horny-reading officer, he noted that of all the sexy kinds of magazines one could pick up and peruse in a public place, Horny would surely have to be one of the more embarrassing, given that it offered a description of the pick-and-peruser that could reasonably be considered unflattering. If you are reading Horny, his reasoning was, then you must be. And for him, this sort of self-evident randiness was the source of the embarrassment. And here what do we have? Here we have the Puritanism of the young. Is anyone talking about the Puritanism of the young? Someone should be talking about this. Who is more pure than the young who are pure and know it? Who can more cruelly look into and then sneer at and then look away from the policeman with his Horny than the young man who, though 20 years his junior, is taller than him by six inches and who knows more of the newest bands, and who cannot imagine that ever will come the day when he will be in the convenience store located at Seventh Avenue and Ninth Street, standing penguin-toed on the white tile, his eyes upon pages 34-35 of Horny. Oh, it tastes so good, that kind of purity-leverage, though of course it does not last.

Posted Wednesday, Dec. 15, 1999, at 9:00 PM ET
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Dave Eggers is the editor of McSweeney's and the author of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.
COMMENTS

Highlights from the Fray (note: these highlights should be read after the final Diary entry):


See the Grenada flag here.

--Flaggist

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1. Just a small comment re: The Wiz--Michael Jackson is in it pre-plastic surgery! You might not recognize him. Also, his dancing is rather more conventional than we're used to seeing in more recent years.

2. If there's a serious possibility of publishing some classic children's books, I have one to suggest: The Bears' Famous Invasion of Sicily, by Dino Buzzati. This one was originally published in (as I recall) 1947, in several different languages (original Italian, and definitely in French and English). I think the publisher was Pantheon Press. It is a delightful (probably not PC nowadays, however) story, with wonderful illustrations. It is also extremely hard to find a copy for sale, unfortunately. You should try to find a copy, read it, and find out who has the rights now. I should mention that Dino Buzzati is regarded by some as a sort of Italian equivalent of Kafka. There are a couple of collections of his writings available, translated in the last twenty years. The one I've read is titled The Siren, and it's good.

--Mark H. Nelson

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The Wiz was a commercial as well as critical flop for one very good reason--the hideous miscasting of a certain leathery, over-the-hill egomaniacal dinosaur in the role of an apple-cheeked, doe-eyed teenage ingenue. Not since Lucy rendered "Mame" lame through a half-gallon wad of Vaseline and a burlap filter has a part been so terribly miscast in appeasement of a monstrous ego run amuck. Well, there is also Babs in Yentl, but that's a whole other institutional use sized can of non-pareve worms.

Yes, Michael Jackson would have been the logical choice, but remember that he was still black way back then. Perhaps that is why so many people complain they cannot locate a copy--maybe it is true that he really does buy up or suppress all available P.W.E.* images of himself. (*Pre-White Era)

I digress. Frequently and at length. So, back to The Wiz--the role of Dorothy was originated on Broadway by Stephanie Mills. I believe she started her run when she was about 15 and played it for about 8 years, but when it came time to make a movie, guess who was in tight (no pun intended) with Berry Gordy? It is said that they rewrote the part of Dorothy to be something a little easier and more believable for that battle ax Diana Ross to pass herself off as--a thirty-something dried-up spinster schoolmarm living at home with her parents.

The Wiz also begat one of Stephanie Mills most loved songs--her "Over the Rainbow," as it were--the beautiful anthem, "Home." I still get goose-pimply whenever I hear her sing it. I get sharp pains akin to needles piercing my skull even thinking of how badly The Boss' attempted appropriation of it sounded.

Useless Wiz factoids--both the original roadway show as well as the movie featured the recently late, great Mabel King (she died last week) as the Wicked Witch of the West throwin' down in the sweat shop to the gospel inflected strains of "No Bad News." Mabel King may perhaps be better known (but I doubt it) from the late seventies, early eighties blaxploitation sitcoms, What's Happenin' and That's My Mama.

To save some folks the time of writing in to tell us who else they remembered was in it, the principal cast was: Diana Ross, Michael Jackson, Lena Horne, Richard Pryor, Nipsey Russell, Ted Ross, Mabel King, Theresa Merritt, Roberta Flack, Cissy Houston, Gwen Guthrie, and Luther Vandross.

--Mr. Too Much Information

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The Broadway original cast recording is wonderful. Fabulous music, fabulous talent. "Ease on Down the Road, Home, Don't Bring Me No Bad News," much more. Also: "Be A Lion"!!! It's the kind of song you can sing along with at full volume and feel great the rest of the day. Love it. Run right out now and get a copy of it, you'll love it. Excuse me now, I gotta go find my copy. (Do not try to substitute the movie soundtrack!)

--lkoon

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Rats, Lice and History--the 1984 Little, Brown paperback reprint (which is little, and red, and has ISBN number 0316988960)--stands at number 102,547 in Amazon.com's sales ranking.

It may or may not be of interest to note that David Eggers' A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius: Based on a True Story--the year 2000 Simon and Schuster hardcover (which is bigger, multicolored, and has ISBN number 0684863472)--stands at number 1,117,559 in Amazon.com's sales ranking. (Buy it here.) But then again, it hasn't been published yet, so it can hardly be a bestseller.

It is probably worth noting that while Eggers' tome does not appear on the list of books also bought by purchasers of Rats, Lice and History, three of the four books so cited also have colons in their titles. For your edification, the full list follows:

Man and Microbes: Disease and Plagues in History and
Modern Times
; Arno Karlen
Armies of Pestilence: The Effects of Pandemics on
History
; R. S. Bray
Plagues and Peoples; William H. McNeill
More Cunning Than Man: A Social History of Rats and Man;
Robert Hendrickson

P.S. The Wiz was written by Joel Schumaker--who directed Batman & Robin, probably one of the worst films ever made. Oh, and the first assistant director was the gloriously-spelled Burtt Harris, who is not much better known for playing Ptl. Ricci in the classic heist film, The Taking of Pelham One Two Three.

--Felix Salmon

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The music to The Wiz was all-original and the songs were in a gospel/R&B/Soul kind of style. I can still sing some of the lyrics to the Tin Man's song, "Slide Some Oil to Me":

Slide some oil to me
Let it slip down my spine
If you don't have STP,
Crisco will be just fine

Slip some to my elbows
and my fingers if you would
Slide some oil to me, girl
Oooh does that feel good!

My apologies to the original composer if I messed that up!

--Denise

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Obviously Mr. Eggers is referring to the French remake of The Wiz--which, oddly, predated its inspiration by a decade.

The French title Le Wiz des Plais un Buffalo translates to The Wizard of Upstate New York. It starred Gerard Depardieu, M. Emmett Walsh and porn star Ciccolina, and concerned the search not for a way home, but for an underwater tunnel to England.

Critics were most unkind. The movie did spawn a single top 40 hit, a duet between Astrud Gilberto and Leonard Cohen titled "Refreshments."

--Nehru Schwartz

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yo. the wiz is a phat movie. young michael jackson, diana ross, others star. not a french production. check it out. got that '70s orange and brown and glitter motif working. movie was extra expensive, and a huge flop at the box office. but its still cool as hell, for the stars and the time period it reflects.

--a

[Fraymaster note: Computer host--antioch college.edu]

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For those who can't wait for the reissue of Rats Lice and History may be able to find a copy of the Bantam paperback at their local used bookstore. For instance, here in New York City, I saw one at the Strand a few weeks ago. And while Eggers has tantalized with the opening parry from the book, a reader shouldn't worry that the book falls off after the brilliant intro. Consider Chapter VIII which begins, "If it were not for the fact that so many utterly uninterested people die of disease or are killed in them, wars would not be taken so seriously." It includes the following pithy insight: "In 1708, the Swedes, having their own way in Southern Russia, completely lost the fruits of their hard-fought battles and were rendered helpless by an outbreak of plague."

--diana silver

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Don't know much about the play, but my daughter has the 331/3 record of the orginal show. If interested you can reach her at . I am sure she will make you a tape copy, if requested.

--John Snape

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The all-black version of The Wizard of Oz was called The Wizard of Space and Time and starred Mike Jittlov as the Wizard, over the protests of the NAACP, who complained that Mr. Jittlov was not actually black. There were substantial protests by some movie directors back in the mid-1980s when Ted Turner purchased the television rights and "colorized" the movie for viewing on WGN.

"The Wiz" is actually an electronics store in Manhattan; its chief competition is "Crazy Larry's," which was started by Clint Eastwood and named after Detective Larry Callaghan, the character he played in the 1974 movie Dirty Harry Crazy Larry. Perhaps the movie-related names of these Manhattan electronics stores is what is causing the confusion in the Fray.

Hope this helps,

--Ted Frank

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Puh-leeze, people! It's obvious that you and Dave Eggers are talking about two completely different movies. I think what's throwing you off is his use of the term "all-black," which is filmmaker's jargon for "black and white." There was, indeed, a French version of the "Wizard" story, made by the great director Jean-Luc Ponty. As was his style, it was filmed all in black-and-white--unlike the "Wizard" we know, which turns to color in the middle. It was made in '64, but not released here until '75 or so, due to some censorship difficulties (the "Munchkins" in Ponty's version apparently uttered some profanities).

The film actually bears faint resemblance to the original L. Frank Baum novel: Ponty conceived of it more as a parable for imperialism (the characters fulfilling their wishes through "conquering" the idyllic land of Oz; the tornado is supposed to represent the chaos of the body politic, though I think the symbolism is a bit silly).

Anyway ... totally different flick from the Diana Ross Wiz. Just thought I'd try to straighten things out.

--Rupe Pupkin

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Many of you seem to be confusing the African-American version of The Wizard of Oz (The Wiz) with the multiracial French version (Les Wis). The latter starred Surya Bonaly as Dorothy, Celene Dion as the Wicked Witch of the West, Jean Reno as the Wizard and Gerard Depardieu as the Cowardly Lion. This should clear up any misunderstanding.

--Jim

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(12/20)

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