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Posted Monday, Dec. 13, 1999, at 9:30 PM ET

Today or yesterday:

2:14 p.m. Seen, on the sidewalk: a rubber glove, yellowed. Unremarkable but for this: It had landed or was arranged with all fingers but one folded under. The middle finger erect on this rubber glove, soiled, imbedded into the sidewalk in Brooklyn, N.Y.

It symbolized nothing.

3:11: This from Alexander Johannesson's How Did Homo Sapiens Express the Idea of Flat? (H.F. Leiftur Publishers--Reykjavik, Iceland, 1958):

I) By moving the jaws from the back-position forwards to the lips and at the same time producing sounds of the type kap-; in such wordforms we see many variations of k, such as q, g, gh etc., and of the labial (p) such as b, bh, m, w (u); the interjacent vowel may have been a or e or have had another form (we know very little about the vowels in prehistoric times). I have shown this very clearly by a rich collection of examples in six "unrelated" languages, viz. Indo-European (as seen in the construed IE. Roots), Hebrew (as representative of the Semitic group), Archaic Chinese ...

You get the idea.

5:14: The sky is electric blue, darkening, and this evening there are nine. Five of them are wearing matching hats. They are all on their knees, and through a small speaker set up on the sidewalk, their prayers can be heard. Visitors to the museum, in black-framed glasses and faux-leopard-skin coats, leave carrying gifts and souvenirs in large bags that say "Sensation" on them. The praying people continue to pray. There is a poster standing on the sidewalk. It says, "The Virgin Mary Speaks to America. 1-800-345-MARY." Three of the nine are holding rosaries, and all of them chant the same words at the same time: "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost ..." They are bundled up--yesterday the wind was abrasive--and periodically they rise from their knees, stand up, while continuing to chant the same words in unison. They kneel again. They rise. The road is just behind them; cars and their red and white lights pass and inside one of the cars there is a woman going home, where she will take her small child in her arms and squeeze her much too much because she is tired and cannot believe that they are both alive after all these years.

5:44: Intermission.

5:54: There is nothing quite like the thrill of a presidential race.

6:10: The woman at the Seventh Avenue Copy Shop sometimes looks happy, and sometimes looks sad. Once, a few months ago, it appeared that she had cut her hair. When she was asked by a regular customer if her hair had indeed been cut, she said: "Oh you haven't seen this yet?" while fluffing it with one hand, much like Charlie Brown's friend does--she with the naturally curly hair. These words and this gesture made the regular customer feel very connected with the woman at the copy shop. The regular customer wondered if he would come to know the woman's name, and if they would someday talk about things unrelated to stationery. But the next time the regular customer visited the copy shop, he could not pick up the thread of connectivity begun during his last visit. This time, after selecting his items and bringing them to the counter before her, she rang up the items and put them in a white paper bag, and when she gave him the bag, instead of asking her name or whence she comes, he gave her a smile of satisfaction. The satisfaction of a satisfactory purchase.

7:12: Louis Prima. Clark Gable. Maude Adams. You know what I mean.

7:16: Let us say, hypothetically, that there are two men, one a decade or so older than the other, who live together and who are related. At home, when work must get done, things usually work very well between the two, because when one is working on his computer, the other also works on a computer, albeit a different one. Then, when the first man decides he would like to take a break and watch the television, the other ceases working and watches, too--which is fine, because television is even more enjoyable when watched with a friend or loved one. After some time watching a show together, the two men will turn it off and then go back to working on their computers. But then something happens. Sometimes the second man, the younger man, will enter the workspace of the first man, who is working on something that must be worked on, and, while standing in the doorway, he will say something. Here are some of the things he might say:

"Hey pussyboy."

"Hey dumbass."

"Hey stupid rockhead ugly man."

Sometimes the work-interrupter will have with him a basketball, which he will bounce repeatedly on the wood floor of the workspace of the worker. "Is this bothering you?" the work-interrupter will ask. "I would feel terrible if this were bothering you."

And all the first man, the hard-working man, can think is: Why do such things happen? Why, in a country where we can find, like, just about any submerged space capsule we want, any time we want, should something like this basketball-bouncing and name-calling be allowed to happen? And, perhaps more importantly, when is someone going to have the courage to finally do an all-black Wizard of Oz?

8:21: People ask David Gergen what he thinks about things. But people who really know David Gergen know that the only thing that David Gergen really knows for sure is that if he doesn't dance better and faster, and with great style and passion, the world will fall. As we speak, there is a small crowd, standing below David Gergen's window in the nation's capital, and they are watching David Gergen as he dances, alone in his apartment, in a V-neck cotton sweater and plaid pants, dances feverishly, so that the world might be saved.

9:00: It's actually 9:23. Sorry.

Tomorrow: Suspense.

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Posted Monday, Dec. 13, 1999, at 9:30 PM ET
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Dave Eggers is the editor of McSweeney's and the author of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.
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Highlights from the Fray (note: these highlights should be read after the final Diary entry):


See the Grenada flag here.

--Flaggist

(To reply, click here.)


1. Just a small comment re: The Wiz--Michael Jackson is in it pre-plastic surgery! You might not recognize him. Also, his dancing is rather more conventional than we're used to seeing in more recent years.

2. If there's a serious possibility of publishing some classic children's books, I have one to suggest: The Bears' Famous Invasion of Sicily, by Dino Buzzati. This one was originally published in (as I recall) 1947, in several different languages (original Italian, and definitely in French and English). I think the publisher was Pantheon Press. It is a delightful (probably not PC nowadays, however) story, with wonderful illustrations. It is also extremely hard to find a copy for sale, unfortunately. You should try to find a copy, read it, and find out who has the rights now. I should mention that Dino Buzzati is regarded by some as a sort of Italian equivalent of Kafka. There are a couple of collections of his writings available, translated in the last twenty years. The one I've read is titled The Siren, and it's good.

--Mark H. Nelson

(To reply, click here.)


The Wiz was a commercial as well as critical flop for one very good reason--the hideous miscasting of a certain leathery, over-the-hill egomaniacal dinosaur in the role of an apple-cheeked, doe-eyed teenage ingenue. Not since Lucy rendered "Mame" lame through a half-gallon wad of Vaseline and a burlap filter has a part been so terribly miscast in appeasement of a monstrous ego run amuck. Well, there is also Babs in Yentl, but that's a whole other institutional use sized can of non-pareve worms.

Yes, Michael Jackson would have been the logical choice, but remember that he was still black way back then. Perhaps that is why so many people complain they cannot locate a copy--maybe it is true that he really does buy up or suppress all available P.W.E.* images of himself. (*Pre-White Era)

I digress. Frequently and at length. So, back to The Wiz--the role of Dorothy was originated on Broadway by Stephanie Mills. I believe she started her run when she was about 15 and played it for about 8 years, but when it came time to make a movie, guess who was in tight (no pun intended) with Berry Gordy? It is said that they rewrote the part of Dorothy to be something a little easier and more believable for that battle ax Diana Ross to pass herself off as--a thirty-something dried-up spinster schoolmarm living at home with her parents.

The Wiz also begat one of Stephanie Mills most loved songs--her "Over the Rainbow," as it were--the beautiful anthem, "Home." I still get goose-pimply whenever I hear her sing it. I get sharp pains akin to needles piercing my skull even thinking of how badly The Boss' attempted appropriation of it sounded.

Useless Wiz factoids--both the original roadway show as well as the movie featured the recently late, great Mabel King (she died last week) as the Wicked Witch of the West throwin' down in the sweat shop to the gospel inflected strains of "No Bad News." Mabel King may perhaps be better known (but I doubt it) from the late seventies, early eighties blaxploitation sitcoms, What's Happenin' and That's My Mama.

To save some folks the time of writing in to tell us who else they remembered was in it, the principal cast was: Diana Ross, Michael Jackson, Lena Horne, Richard Pryor, Nipsey Russell, Ted Ross, Mabel King, Theresa Merritt, Roberta Flack, Cissy Houston, Gwen Guthrie, and Luther Vandross.

--Mr. Too Much Information

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The Broadway original cast recording is wonderful. Fabulous music, fabulous talent. "Ease on Down the Road, Home, Don't Bring Me No Bad News," much more. Also: "Be A Lion"!!! It's the kind of song you can sing along with at full volume and feel great the rest of the day. Love it. Run right out now and get a copy of it, you'll love it. Excuse me now, I gotta go find my copy. (Do not try to substitute the movie soundtrack!)

--lkoon

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Rats, Lice and History--the 1984 Little, Brown paperback reprint (which is little, and red, and has ISBN number 0316988960)--stands at number 102,547 in Amazon.com's sales ranking.

It may or may not be of interest to note that David Eggers' A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius: Based on a True Story--the year 2000 Simon and Schuster hardcover (which is bigger, multicolored, and has ISBN number 0684863472)--stands at number 1,117,559 in Amazon.com's sales ranking. (Buy it here.) But then again, it hasn't been published yet, so it can hardly be a bestseller.

It is probably worth noting that while Eggers' tome does not appear on the list of books also bought by purchasers of Rats, Lice and History, three of the four books so cited also have colons in their titles. For your edification, the full list follows:

Man and Microbes: Disease and Plagues in History and
Modern Times; Arno Karlen
Armies of Pestilence: The Effects of Pandemics on
History; R. S. Bray
Plagues and Peoples; William H. McNeill
More Cunning Than Man: A Social History of Rats and Man;
Robert Hendrickson

P.S. The Wiz was written by Joel Schumaker--who directed Batman & Robin, probably one of the worst films ever made. Oh, and the first assistant director was the gloriously-spelled Burtt Harris, who is not much better known for playing Ptl. Ricci in the classic heist film, The Taking of Pelham One Two Three.

--Felix Salmon

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The music to The Wiz was all-original and the songs were in a gospel/R&B/Soul kind of style. I can still sing some of the lyrics to the Tin Man's song, "Slide Some Oil to Me":

Slide some oil to me
Let it slip down my spine
If you don't have STP,
Crisco will be just fine

Slip some to my elbows
and my fingers if you would
Slide some oil to me, girl
Oooh does that feel good!

My apologies to the original composer if I messed that up!

--Denise

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Obviously Mr. Eggers is referring to the French remake of The Wiz--which, oddly, predated its inspiration by a decade.

The French title Le Wiz des Plais un Buffalo translates to The Wizard of Upstate New York. It starred Gerard Depardieu, M. Emmett Walsh and porn star Ciccolina, and concerned the search not for a way home, but for an underwater tunnel to England.

Critics were most unkind. The movie did spawn a single top 40 hit, a duet between Astrud Gilberto and Leonard Cohen titled "Refreshments."

--Nehru Schwartz

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yo. the wiz is a phat movie. young michael jackson, diana ross, others star. not a french production. check it out. got that '70s orange and brown and glitter motif working. movie was extra expensive, and a huge flop at the box office. but its still cool as hell, for the stars and the time period it reflects.

--a

[Fraymaster note: Computer host--antioch college.edu]

(To reply, click here.)


For those who can't wait for the reissue of Rats Lice and History may be able to find a copy of the Bantam paperback at their local used bookstore. For instance, here in New York City, I saw one at the Strand a few weeks ago. And while Eggers has tantalized with the opening parry from the book, a reader shouldn't worry that the book falls off after the brilliant intro. Consider Chapter VIII which begins, "If it were not for the fact that so many utterly uninterested people die of disease or are killed in them, wars would not be taken so seriously." It includes the following pithy insight: "In 1708, the Swedes, having their own way in Southern Russia, completely lost the fruits of their hard-fought battles and were rendered helpless by an outbreak of plague."

--diana silver

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Don't know much about the play, but my daughter has the 331/3 record of the orginal show. If interested you can reach her at . I am sure she will make you a tape copy, if requested.

--John Snape

(To reply, click here.)


The all-black version of The Wizard of Oz was called The Wizard of Space and Time and starred Mike Jittlov as the Wizard, over the protests of the NAACP, who complained that Mr. Jittlov was not actually black. There were substantial protests by some movie directors back in the mid-1980s when Ted Turner purchased the television rights and "colorized" the movie for viewing on WGN.

"The Wiz" is actually an electronics store in Manhattan; its chief competition is "Crazy Larry's," which was started by Clint Eastwood and named after Detective Larry Callaghan, the character he played in the 1974 movie Dirty Harry Crazy Larry. Perhaps the movie-related names of these Manhattan electronics stores is what is causing the confusion in the Fray.

Hope this helps,

--Ted Frank

(To reply, click here.)


Puh-leeze, people! It's obvious that you and Dave Eggers are talking about two completely different movies. I think what's throwing you off is his use of the term "all-black," which is filmmaker's jargon for "black and white." There was, indeed, a French version of the "Wizard" story, made by the great director Jean-Luc Ponty. As was his style, it was filmed all in black-and-white--unlike the "Wizard" we know, which turns to color in the middle. It was made in '64, but not released here until '75 or so, due to some censorship difficulties (the "Munchkins" in Ponty's version apparently uttered some profanities).

The film actually bears faint resemblance to the original L. Frank Baum novel: Ponty conceived of it more as a parable for imperialism (the characters fulfilling their wishes through "conquering" the idyllic land of Oz; the tornado is supposed to represent the chaos of the body politic, though I think the symbolism is a bit silly).

Anyway ... totally different flick from the Diana Ross Wiz. Just thought I'd try to straighten things out.

--Rupe Pupkin

(To reply, click here.)


Many of you seem to be confusing the African-American version of The Wizard of Oz (The Wiz) with the multiracial French version (Les Wis). The latter starred Surya Bonaly as Dorothy, Celene Dion as the Wicked Witch of the West, Jean Reno as the Wizard and Gerard Depardieu as the Cowardly Lion. This should clear up any misunderstanding.

--Jim

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(12/20)

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