Dead Reckoning

By Randy Cohen

The numbers are 508 and 9. What's their significance?

by noon ET Tuesday to e-mail your answer (newsquiz@slate.com).

Responses to Thursday's question (No. 125)--"Wild Blue":
I give the headline, you give the story. From the current Airforce magazine: "The Retention Problem Spreads."

"PX bans WOW chips."--Beth Sherman

"Pilots are having trouble hanging on to their enlisted-man boyfriends."--Tom McDonald

"How to keep Italian skiers inside their little cable cars without interrupting a really fun game of 'Brush That Low-Hanging Wire.' "--Jennifer Miller

"Premenstrual female pilots feel ugly in their flight suits as a result of water retention."--Tim Rogers (John Snell had a similar answer but with a tip o' the Hatlo hat to Lt. Kelly Flynn; Deb Stavin had a similar answer with a Viagran cross-gender twist.)

"No story. But the typesetters believe they've found the copy. Or some copy, anyway."--Peter Lerangis

Click here for more responses.

Randy's Wrap-Up
Insufficiently stealthy fighters, stealthy but missionless bombers, or smart bombs that are perhaps slightly Tysonesque--it is tough to select the Air Force project that most undermines American security by squandering money in some grotesque high-tech potlatch. Oh no it's not; it's easy. It's the C-130 cargo plane, unwanted even by the Air Force but beloved in Trent Lott's home state of Mississippi, where it is made. What's most depressing about Lott's boondoggle is how badly it falls short of the high standards of American pork. Which is to say, if you are going to gorge at the public trough, you should at least build something we might actually use--high speed Mag-Lev trains, cool electric cars, stylish yet comfortable high-heeled shoes. Even the Tweed Courthouse--that magic box into which tons of imaginary concrete disappeared--was a lovely building where a court could be housed. Lott's porcine cynicism lacks the imagination and skill of America's historic thieves. I weep for our future.

Off We Go Into the Answer
Not enough Air Force personnel re-up, and it's getting worse, reports Peter Grier. The Air Force hopes 75 percent of its two-termers will stay in the service; the actual figure is 70 percent. The second-term re-enlistment rate has been slowly declining for three years.

News Quiz: So is there some kind of light on?
Lt. Col. Lisa Firmin, chief superintendent of retention policy at Air Force Personnel Center, Randolph Air Force Base, Texas: We have a caution light on in terms of second-term enlisted.
NQ: Would you say the red light's on?
Lt. Col. Firmin: I wouldn't say the red light's on.

("News Quiz" questions inserted after the fact for comical interview effect. Lt. Col. Firmin's remarks are authentic.)

Save the Virtual Children Extra
Snuggled into the $1.7 trillion budget bill is a law restricting kids' online activities by penalizing Internet merchants who provide access to material "harmful to minors."
Participants are invited to submit example of an actual site harmful to minors, along with brief justification. Highlights will run at week's end. Below, a few to get you started.

• mcdonalds.com--Relentless propagandizing that eating bland meat and deep-fried starch is a form of entertainment. Lures kids to restaurants where dangerous grease fires might erupt beneath hairnets of counter help.
  
• foxnews.com--Frightens and disorients children by presenting utterly false view of the world. High risk of glimpsing horrifying face of Satan manifesting himself as Rupert Murdoch.
  
• disney.com--Entices children to a theme park where a robot Lincoln could run amok, mutilate nonunion workers, and give terrified youngsters an unnatural fondness for Stephen Douglas.
  
• rnc.org (Republican National Committee)--Ruthlessly promotes bloated defense expenditures as an alternative to education spending. Site includes the Net's least persuasive use of the phrase "fun and free stuff."

Disclaimer: All submissions will become the property of Slate and will be published at Slate's discretion. Slate may publish your name on its site in connection with your submission.