"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me, you jerk."--Eric Fredericksen

"Jeff Foxworthy Now Appearing!"--Beth Sherman

"[60] days without a lynching."--Alex Balk (Paul Van Vleck had a similar answer.)

"Hawaii, 5 m."--Al Cloutier

"Vicksburg Department of Public Works: Spending Your Tax Dollars Wisely."--Noah Meyerson

"Unregulated Gambling: God No Longer Minds."--Jim O'Grady

"Compassionate. Conservative."--Larry Amoros

"Vicksburg: A Great Place To Live."--Alison Rogers

"This sign is unique."--Daniel Radosh

"Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott was born, raised, and fitted for his hood right here in Vicksburg."--Brooke Saucier

" 'For me, the art is about story and message, not special effects.'--Liam Neeson, actor, Schindler's List. Liam supports the Vicksburg Film Society. You should, too."--Matt Sullivan

"Welcome to the future site of Disney's G.A.R. theme park!"--Michael Fein

"Home of the most faithful governor east of Louisiana, west of Alabama, south of Tennessee."--Alex Balk (similarly Fordician, Gary Frazier, Stephen C. Shaklee, and Charles Star)

"Welcome, Bill Clinton, Upholder of Marital Fidelity, Friend to the Weak, the Poor, and the Defenseless."--Tim Carvell

"Bill + Hillary 4-17-73."--Chandra Steele

" 'You are here.' (But due to the close proximity of the signs in question, some of the more learned people in town realized one sign must be lying and took to rectifying the problem.)"--Ethan Underwood

"Honk if you hate loud noises."--Erich Van Dussen

"Honk if you are Jesus."--Richard Smith

"Ceci n'est pas un signe."--Tim Carvell, Ethan Underwood, and Jennifer Miller

"No-Hate-Crime Zone."--Michael S. Gilman

"Beanie Babies 4 Sale or Trade."--Paul Van Vleck

"Jewish money accepted here."--Mark Greenberg

"A PSA: Dr. J says, 'Don't be a deadbeat dad--or I'll slam-dunk you.' "--Matt Sullivan

"Graffiti, Vandalism, and Obvious Irony Capital of the South."--J. Book

"Virginia may be for lovers, but Vicksburg is for trysters."--Norman Oder

"One hundred percent adultery-free zone."--Andrew Staples

"Welcome to Vicksburg, Sister City to Rome, N.Y., Site of Woodstock '99!"--Jim O'Grady and Douglas Wolk

"The first sign says, 'I love Robert E. Lee.' The second sign says, "Signed, Ulysses S. Grant."--David Finkle

"U.S. Grant Sieged Here."--Peter G. Eipers

"Hasidic drug-dealing squirrel-free zone."--Peter G. Eipers

"Nude pictures of Wendy Shalit, $3."--Greg Diamond

"Vicksburg: Home of the only Civil War re-enactment where the South wins."--Floyd "Oh, Goody, an Internet Cafe; Time To Ditch the Kids in the Hotel Room" Elliot

"Vicksburg, Miss.: America's Vandalism-Free City."--Paul Frellick

"Both signs depict an ichthus. The smashing and defacing with spray-paint were required by federal court order."--David L. Duncan

"Well, one says, 'hypocrite,' and the other says nothing because it's smashed into pieces. Cool! I finally got one!"--Tom Williams

Self-Reference Corner

"Welcome to Vicksburg, our friendly desert city."--No Shit--That's Tucson Ken "Stuck in This Fucking Desert" Keeper

"Carybdis.com"-- Greg "Don't Hate Me Because I'm Self-Referential" Diamond

"I don't know, but what was that Al Petrosky joke about Bernadette Peters?"--Barbara Lippert