"Expanding population policy to include measures that will improve the conditions of girls' and women's lives. To find out more about population-related issues, read the Population Council newsletter, Population Briefs, online at www.popcouncil.org/pb/default.html."

--Gina Duclayan, writer/editor of Population Briefs

"Reviving an ancient Egyptian torture device, 'Cleopatra's Diaphragm.' "--Ananda Gupta (Doug Strauss had a similar answer.)

"Sex is outlawed in all places except for Cairo. This is what happens when you let a nation's tourism board write legislation."--Tim Carvell (similarly, Francis Heaney)

"Just a ploy to take our minds off what's really important, namely Canada Day."--Herb Terns

"A bishop sacrifice in exchange for a knight, leaving White's queen vulnerable. A spokesperson for the conference acknowledged the gambit would be of 'limited efficacy' in population control, 'but it was the best plan we could all agree on.' "--James Poniewozik (similarly, Matthew Singer and Eric Fredericksen)

"Regular flooding."--Lynn Rosetta

"Sand in the K-Y jelly."--Brooke Saucier (similarly, David Rosen)

"Vasectomy at Supercuts for $9.99."--Danny Spiegel

"Every man agrees to 1) sire only one child, 2) have his tubes tied, 3) send proof to 10 friends, each of whom repeats the process and sends $1 to the first person on the list of participants, until the world population drops."--Peter Lerangis (similarly, Ed Feinour)

"Answering the Riddle of the Sphinx is now a mandatory prelude to coitus. Those who already know the answer to the Riddle of the Sphinx must figure out the Riddle of Egypt's Relationship With Israel."--Charles Star

"By the year 2008, 37 percent of all males must wear an awful curly perm and snivel, 'Look what you've done to my shirt,' if any woman of childbearing age looks remotely interested in him. Or something like that."--Molly Shearer Gabel

"Airlifting every other newborn baby to tent cities near Giza. Admittedly this won't do much to reduce greater Cairene population growth, but the rest of the planet will be a good deal roomier."--Steve Bodow

"Require that a blown-up photograph of Henry Kissinger (nude in a hot tub, Cairo, Egypt 1974) be placed on the wall of all bedrooms."--Christopher Sadler (similarly but Hosni Mubarak, Joseph Bernstein, Doug Strauss; but William F. Buckley Jr., Jim O'Grady; but Tom DeLay, Holly Loth; Linda Tripp, Steven Davis; King Farouk in his tiny bathing suit, Richard Nikonovich-Kahn)

"Sterilize the poor. Oh, sorry, that's the Norway solution."--Ananda Gupta

"Immediate elimination of all birth-control and abortion funding coupled with worldwide distribution of Viagra in the hopes that women will be so fed up with men that they'll reject sex. Oops! That's the Washington Strategy."--Carrie Rickey

"Compassionate conservatism."--Leslie Goodman-Malamuth

"The Cairo Strategy is people!!"--Holly Loth

"It's the new Tom Clancy novel. You read it in bed and, before you know it, you're asleep, thus preventing any procreation."--Alex Balk

"Oh, that's when you invade on Yom Kippur, and the Israeli army drastically reduces your population of breeding-age men."--Floyd Elliot (similarly, Shany Mor)

"I'm not sure, but Brooke Shields uses it with her personal trainer. "--JJ Sutherland

"A Ramses for every obelisk."--Richard "Disturbingly Similar" Nikonovich-Kahn

"Pulling Pat Buchanan's and Gary Bauer's brains out through their nostrils."--Stephen C. Shaklee

"Double-falafel sandwich with extra secret sauce before bed."--Joel Marver

"Sterilize Tampa Bay Devil Ray second baseman Miguel Cairo."--Adam Bonin

"Free copies of Dr. Ruth's Guide to Good Sex."--Joel Silverman

"Offer a dozen people free sightseeing trips to Cairo. Have them gunned down by terrorists. Repeat."--Justin Warner (similarly, Mark Lemmons, Jason Ross, David Hummels, Robert Stein, and Chris Thomas)

"Potential fathers will be turned into homosexual henchmen for The Fat Man. (No, wait, that's the Joel Cairo Strategy.)--Jon Delfin (similarly, Mike Berla, Mary Anne Townsend, and Francis Heaney)

"Genital mummification."--Fred Gormley (similarly, Jon Greenberg)

"Requiring all personals to be written in hieroglyphics."--Floyd Elliot

"Bad makeup, bourbon, and handguns for all women. And by the way, that's Cairo, Okla."--Andrew Solovay (similarly mis-stated, Matthew Singer and Al Petrosky)

"Replacing all sexual lubricants with a very heavy, sweet syrup."--Greg Diamond (similarly, Ken Novak, Chuck Lawhorn, Jay Carvell, and Wade Carvell)

Go Down, Moses Corner

"Round up the world's Jews to build pyramids. This time in space. Said the Israeli delegate to the United Nations, 'Nu?' "--Beth Sherman

"Having people build--by hand--large, triangular monuments to dead politicians with large blocks of stone so that they are too tired to have sex?"--Andrew Staples (similarly, Justin Warner, Charlie Glassenberg, and Moishe"Pippik" Singer)

"Smiting the firstborn."--Matt Sullivan (similarly, JJ Sutherland, Bjorn Larsen, Mark Myers, Jon Greenberg, and Ben "Exodus" Heller)

"I'm not sure, but I'd be wary of anything involving locusts, blood, darkness, vermin, frogs, cattle disease, or the slaying of the firstborn."--Michael Fein (similarly, Zick Rubin, Joel Grus, and Jesse Eisinger)

Camel Corner

(It's just over the sand dune from Vicious Ethnic Stereotype Corner)

"From now on, the only humping you can do is on a camel! Thank you very much! And don't forget to tip your waitress!"--Peter Carlin

"Women who look like camels (the pack animals, not the fine domestic Turkish tobacco)."--Larry Amoros

"Let's just say it involves a camel and a condom ..."--Richard A. DeCamp (similarly, Judith Spencer and Sean Fitzpatrick)

"Eat lots of garlic, drink strong Egyptian coffee with sour milk, don't bathe, shave or brush your teeth ever, never see a doctor for those chancre sores, and get a bumper sticker for your camel that says, 'I brake for babes.' "--Ellen Macleay

Self-Reference Corner

"Enter dummy with a trump lead and ruff another club, then draw trumps and take a diamond finesse. My parents played bridge for 40 years, and I can assure you there wasn't much sex going on."--Andrew Silow-Carroll

"Declare Randy Cohen an international war criminal for calling chastity 'ludicrous.' "--Sean Fitzpatrick