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The Gift They Keep on GivingPrudie counsels a woman whose loutish brother-in-law passed off her present as his own—and other advice seekers.

Posted Tuesday, May 26, 2009, at 2:58 PM ET

Emily Yoffe: You're lucky your wives and girlfriends haven't ended one of these lovely evening with that comedy special: a pie to the face. I am all in favor of teasing -- I think it's a great social grease, and if it's all being done good-naturedly, the women should get in on the fun. But it sounds as if you're picking up a nasty undertone of put-down. So now that you realize it, be prepared the next time you go to a gathering. When things spin off from good-spirited to mean, you can say, "Actually, I think Elaine must have a great sense of humor for putting up with you." Or you can even say, "Ah, you're going to far for my taste." Or, "I'm lucky, I'm with the most wonderful woman in the world." You break the cycle by breaking it.

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Washington, D.C.: "What purpose could be served by blowing the whistle on an ill, desperate woman trying to raise a daughter alone?" I grant the woman is ill and desperate, and maybe this isn't the place for philosophical debate, but why does her condition excuse her actions? Assuming she knows that what she is doing is both dangerous and illegal, where do you draw the line? If she didn't have disabilities? If she wasn't a single mother? What if her disabilities are the result of her own action at one point in her life? What if the child has a father who would love to be involved?

How would the original poster feel if her own teengage child is the customer? Does the situation change then?

If we want to be treated equally by society and under the law, we need to be held to an equal level of responsibility. A drug dealer is either a danger to society whether she's in a back alley, in an apartment, or in a doctor's office—or is not a danger at all, and we should decriminalize dealing and start taxing it to pay for addicts' treatment.

Emily Yoffe: I'm with you on decriminalization. And if the unfortunate woman's daughter got involved with drugs, I'm sure she'd wish she lived in a world where her daughter could seek help without the fear of ending up being prosecuted. I still say don't blow the whistle.

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Cambridge, Mass.: My father just died a few months ago, and getting asked how he's doing has happened to me a couple of times, too, by people who knew (at one point in time) that he'd died. My hairdresser, for instance. To be honest, I thought it was kind of funny, though I didn't laugh. I chalked it up to his having many clients whom it's hard to keep track of. At least he ASKED (see my earlier letter).

Emily Yoffe: Yes, it's embarrassing for all concerned—but you're right to give credit for people who are trying to say the right thing.

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Re: You'll be the first to know: Although I do applaud this line, which has been offered by many advice columnists, it has grown to be problematic. When I use this with nosy family members, they know exactly what I am doing and press for further details. (One even admitted to reading a lot of advice columns, and she knows what this really means.) Perhaps this line has been overused and we need something new?

Emily Yoffe: That's why the line is good, because it carries the message, "This is the conversation-ending thing you say to people who are asking nosy questions." The next thing to say is, "I don't want to talk about it, thanks."

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Chicago: Dear Prudence,

I was the one who wrote in last week about my spouse's atrocious handwriting and our thank-you cards. Unfortunately, you got it backwards—it's my wife who has the horrible handwriting —not me. (I print in block capitals when I hand-write notes, and have since high school, exactly because my cursive handwriting is so poor.) My wife's handwriting is so bad that we routinely have letters returned to us by the USPS that were addressed by her because her writing on the envelope is illegible.

I did find it interesting that you jumped to your conclusion, however: "You got HIM to write thank yous ..."

Emily Yoffe: Mea sexism culpa! Okay, say you appreciate she's carrying her thank you note load, but suggest, since the notes tend to come back to you, that she type them.

Have a great week, everyone. Talk to you next Monday.