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Nice To Meet You. Please Don't Touch Me.Dear Prudence counsels a career woman whose religion forbids her from shaking hands with men—and other advice seekers.

Posted Monday, May 11, 2009, at 2:28 PM ET

Emily Yoffe: If she's having some bumps, then a dinner at your house, and a chance to do laundry there is a comforting thing for a lonely college freshman. However, you are not a payday lending operation, so the advances need to stop. Tell her you'd love to see her, but you can't give her any more money, and she needs to discuss finances with her parents.

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Maui, Hawaii: Hi Prudence,

I have a dilemma I am hoping you can help me with. I have been good friends with a co-worker "John" for five years. We lunch, go to movies, and go to parties and events together after work with or without my fiancé and he's often invited to our place. He will be a crucial part of our wedding. Although my fiancé has known him only through me and only the last 1.5 years, he likes him too. My dilemma is John recently gave me a gift. With it includes a note saying how happy he is for me, how the gift reminds him of me, that he will honor his role in the wedding, and how after all these years he's still in love with me. I am shocked as I had no idea and do not reciprocate beyond friendship. I now don't know how to respond or what to do with the gift. I value his friendship and would like to continue our friendship but do not want to make him uncomfortable doing something that may cause him pain.

Friend In Need

Emily Yoffe: "John" is not as good a friend as you thought because while he may be happy he finally got to say it, he shouldn't have dropped this bomb on your wedding plans. It must have been clear to him over the course of your romance that you are in love with your fiancé, and not John. Perhaps he's seen too many movies with Dermot Mulroney, or Matthew McConaughey in which the right guy finally gets the girl. Just tell him you had no idea about his feelings, and you hope that he finds someone wonderful so that he can experience for himself what you've found with your fiancé. For the time being, it sounds as if it would be best to cut out the activities just between the two of you.

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Re: Maryland: Yes, Please DON'T re-wedding. In 10 or 15 years throw on your best threads and have a kick a-- anniversary party.

Emily Yoffe: Good idea on the anniversary party in case you ever feel deprived of a "real" wedding (which, again, 15 years later I don't).

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NY: Thank you Prudence, I think I just needed the reassurance. Yes, I'm sure the man in my life now is right for me and the past is exactly what it is. Many thanks again.

Emily Yoffe: (This is from the woman who had a passionate emotional affair with a married man.) Wonderful—proceed happily. And think how many people in the world long to find the kind of relationship you have now.

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Arnold IV: If you know from the outset that you're going to call the kid by a different name, name him that, not a name he'll never use. Trust me on this.

Emily Yoffe: It's helpful to hear from a IV that you'd rather just have been named Kevin from the get-go.

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Boston: Oh how I envy you and Maryland! Unfortunately, my mother would be crushed if I eloped and so I am stuck planning a wedding (a task for which I am grossly unqualified). I am currently hung up on the issue of alcohol. I understand that a cash bar is a big etiquette faux pas, but we simply can't afford an open bar. I would like to do a champagne toast, and then simply not have a bar at all. However, my fiancé worries that some people (his friends) will want to drink, and insists that they wouldn't mind paying for this pleasure. Do you have any suggestions for compromise that won't kill our (modest) budget or bore our friends?

Emily Yoffe: Yes, you can too elope—you just decide that's what you want to do. However, if you're not going to, say no to the cash bar. You need to have the wedding you can afford. If that means a smaller wedding and the drink you offer is just Two Buck Chuck instead of a full bar, so be it.

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Washington, D.C.: Nah, come on. Too hard on "John" and not enough on friend-in-need. Really? Done all this stuff with him but clueless about feelings? That's what Socrates calls "blame-worthy ignorance." Should never have let it come to this point. Any sympathy for my opinion on this one?

Emily Yoffe: Sorry, not from me. The letter writer says for her it was always a wonderful friendship and nothing more. "John" never let on. I think he was the one being deceitful, and should either have spoken up long ago, or kept his feelings to himself now.

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Vienna, Va.: Always remove your toothbrush when guests are coming over, I have a friend who has no problem using another persons toothbrush if they feel like freshing up.

Emily Yoffe: Egads!
And on that note, hide your toothbrushes and have a great week.