
Pocketbook PersecutionPrudie counsels a woman whose mother won't stop badgering her son-in-law about his religious beliefs—and other advice seekers.
Posted Monday, May 4, 2009, at 3:14 PM ETWhat would be nice if people stopped assuming everyone who seems like a "normal person" agrees with them politically.
_______________________
Harrisburg, Pa.: I am a 24-year-old first time mother. On several occasions, complete strangers have approached me while I am with my three-month-old son to chide me for having a child so young, getting tied down at an early age, etc. I'm offended and tired of these constant remarks! How can I respond to let these people know it's none of their business?
Emily Yoffe: You might be tempted to say, "Egads, you're right! What have I done? Well, you certainly look old enough -- you take him!"
What an awful thing to hear. You do not have to respond in any way. A cold stare and moving on is plenty.
Congratulations on becoming a mother. Forget the idiots and have a great time on this wonderful adventure.
_______________________
Boston: Prudie, Can we get a more nuanced take on friends dating exes? Could we agree, for example, that the more recently a relationship ended, the longer it lasted, and the closer the friend, then the more caution is required on the part of both parties? I.e., I would not want a good friend going out with my ex-boyfriend of two years a month after he and I broke up. But she'd have my blessing to see a guy I went out with once or twice a couple of months ago. Does that make sense?
Emily Yoffe: I understand what you're saying, but sorry, everyone's free and on the market, and if attraction strikes there no reason to ignore Cupid's arrow.
_______________________
Beasley, Texas: My husband of 10 years had an emotional affair with his female co-worker. Even though I suspected something was going on between them for quite sometime, he denied any wrong doing and basically accused me of "being crazy."
One day I bought a digital voice recorder and hid it in our bedroom. The very first day I used the recorder, he was recorded talking to his female co-worker (who is married also) exchanging "I love yous" He told her that she was beautiful, that he was only with me because of our daughters, etc. Needless, to say I was very hurt. I told him to leave and I contacted the co-worker's husband to let him know what was going on.
The bottom line is that my husband and I are back together but I am struggling to overcome his infidelity and trust him again. Also I should mention that this is not the first time he has carried on with a female co-worker. This happened once before but they both claim they were only friends. Both times he has talked very harshly about me to these women. He makes me out to be a monster. He has also been caught once instant messaging a woman he met online. He says that he loves me and that he regrets what he has done. However, he is not understanding at all about my struggle to trust him again. He thinks it's all water under the bridge and we should move on with our lives. How can I trust someone who I feel has not been trustworthy? I love my husband but I don't know if my marriage is worth saving. Should I stay or should I move on with my life?
Signed, broken hearted
Emily Yoffe: If in order to protect yourself - and to find out what a monster your husband thinks you are -- you have to hide recording devices in your bedroom, the answer to "Can this marriage be saved" may be "No." You don't mention children. If there aren't any, why are you staying? If you are, you two need a neutral party to help you establish new rules for your relationship to see if it can be salvaged. But your husband sounds as if deceit is a leading personality trait, and that's not promising.
_______________________
you don't need to date someone when you KNOW it will hurt a friend's feelings.: Why should the friend's feelings be hurt? No, seriously -- you're exes, right? Sooner or later both of you will find someone else; why does it matter to you who that someone else is? You can't control other people's lives this way. Grow up and get over it.
Emily Yoffe: I agree. I do understand the instinctive sense of violation if a good friend is suddenly dating your ex -- but you have to then step back and realize that this is a primitive sense of possessiveness and jealousy and work to let go of it.
_______________________
What you say is, "It's lovely to see you, but I'm afraid now is not a good time, so we'll have to socialize sometime soon. Bye!": And when it IS a convenient time but the kids are behaving badly, what you say is, "Please don't do that." Walk over and stop them physically if necessary. And let the chips fall where they may.
Emily Yoffe: I agree it's very important to make clear the rules of behavior in your own home. You absolutely must say, "The bedroom is off limits," or "Sorry, you can't touch the things made of glass." But I would advise against physically stopping the kids -- except in the case of imminent danger. If the parents won't step up, then you have to ask to whole bunch to leave. You can say you'd be happy to see them when the kids are feeling less rambunctious.
_______________________
Arlington, Va.: A little more clarity to the dating exes. The friend and I don't just run in the same social circle -- we have vacationed together, spent four hours talking about personal issues recently and my best friend is also one of her best friends. Change the analysis any? And given the tight social circle, wouldn't it have been nice for one of them to tell me, rather than have to hear it from someone else?
Emily Yoffe: Yes, it would have been nicer for one of them to tell you. But they didn't, and now you know, and you're still in the same circle. So instead of trying to divide the circle by getting others to agree with you about the lack of notification, etc., show just what a generous, confident person you are by acting as if you're fine with the whole thing. That will enhance your chances of everyone wanting to find someone great for you to date.
_______________________
Waltham, Mass.: Regarding Harrisburg, the new mother:
How Did Blocking Traffic Become Argentina's Favorite Way To Protest?
The Ridiculous Arguments Against Trying Khalid Sheikh Mohammed in Open Court
How Did They Calculate That Tiger Did $200 Damage to That Tree?
My Ill-Fated Winter Fling With Alicia Keys
Can All of Architecture Be Reduced to 253 Patterns?
The Latest Updates From Barack Obama's Facebook Newsfeed











