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We Aren't FamilyDear Prudence counsels a woman who's unsure how to define "extended family" and other advice seekers.

Posted Monday, April 27, 2009, at 4:32 PM ET

Rochester, Minn.: My husband and I want to host a party at a restaurant to celebrate our 25th anniversary. I would like to limit it to adults (eliminating most nieces and nephews). At the last celebration, the kids were bored and spent their time emptying salt/pepper shakers and making designs from the contents. For some reason, the relatives don't understand that if their children's names are not on the invite, they aren't invited. How do I get this message across without causing a ruckus?

Emily Yoffe: Surely when these people are invited to a dinner party in a friend's home they don't treat it as a play date. When the rsvps come in and people tell you they'll be also bringing Jason and Caitlin, tell them you're sorry but you've got limited seating and this event is adults only. If they don't want to come, that's fewer mouths to feed.

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Rosamond, Calif.: Dear, Prudence: I feel as though I'm using you as a diary. I just found out my boyfriend of five years recently cheated on me. The reason I was told is because she got pregnant. (Something I wanted, but waited, because he wasn't ready for children, hah!) We just bought a house and had been engaged for two years, lived together for three. He's adopted and insists on dealing with this woman and his new biological connection. What do I do? I still want him, which is beyond me because I know I shouldn't. I also feel that he shouldn't throw away what we have.

Emily Yoffe: I assume you don't want to be the au pair for his new family. You have been dealt a terrible blow, but at least you aren't married to this guy and don't have children with him. Of course you're having a hard time ending a five-year relationship. But he's just shown you what an unreliable rat he is. You might need a lawyer to help you untangle your real estate situation, but there doesn't seem to be much emotional profit in staying together just for home equity reasons.

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Washington, D.C.: Dear Prudie,

Thank you so much for taking my question. My boyfriend is about to buy a house and I plan to rent out my condo so we can live together. My question is how do I bring this impending co-habitation to my very, ultra conservative Christian family? I'd like to not even tell them that I'm moving until it's over and done with but since we live fairly close to each other they are bound to notice. Of course getting married first is out of the question because Virginia won't let us and of course because they don't yet know about my unchristian proclivities... I'm really tempted to frame it as a roommate type situation just to save myself the annoying preaching and heartbreak that is bound to ensue. Help!

Emily Yoffe: I understand you don't want to tell your family you're gay, but that doesn't mean you can't tell me! There are two ways to go about this. One is to decide that you're tired of pretending about who you are just to keep from shaking the foundations of their beliefs, and tell them you're gay and you're going to live openly and you hope they will love and accept both of you. The other is to decide it's none of their business and just not discuss it with them. I opt for openness, but you know these people and I don't.

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Reno, Nev.: A close friend is getting married to man who I really dislike and think is wrong for her. The start of their relationship was marked by tons of red flags -- he's 12 years older, gets very angry and controlling, and seems to have won her over with lots of expensive gifts and trips. Despite this, she's moving ahead and marrying him anyway. I have made my concerns completely clear because I cared about her, but this has left a huge gulf between us. Now, though, I just want to salvage the friendship and I realize the time for criticism has passed. I plan on attending the wedding. Any tips on overcoming how to remain friends despite all of this conflict?

Emily Yoffe: This is what can happen to a friendship when you speak your mind about your friend's bad choices. If the friend likes her bad choice, it could put a dagger into the friendship. I don't see the age difference as a red flag, but anger and controlling certainly is, and you were right to speak up. The problem is you still think the guy is a jerk, so you're not prepared to say you were wrong. You could send her an email and say you are happy to be attending her upcoming nuptials and that you wish her all happiness in her new life. Then ask if she's free for a meal during this busy time for you two to catch up. But be prepared that your closeness can't be reestablished.

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Macon, Ga.: I work in a high-end boutique and pride myself on superior customer service. Unfortunately there is one type of customer I haven't figured out how to deal with: the cell phone talker. These customers come in on their phone, ignore me when I greet them, and sometimes even "shh" me when trying to help them. How can I tell them to get off the phone without being rude? Or do I just ignore it and assume the "customer is always right" policy?

Emily Yoffe: If you're providing superior service, telling your customers to get off the phone so you can provide it is actually not superior service. Of course it's rude to ignore social niceties in favor of cell phone conversations, but if a customer waves you on, just smile and be waved off. When the conversation ends, then you can approach and ask if you can offer help.

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New York Elevators: In New York, there's a modified rule. Women first, unless the women-first rule would be extremely inconvenient, in which case whoever is closest to the door gets out first.

Emily Yoffe: But these "rules" have gotten so lax that not everyone even knows they exist anymore. It does help if there's not a free for all to squeeze out the door -- so women first can make things easier. But I agree flexibility is necessary.

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Erie, Pa.: I am currently in the process of divorcing my husband after 7 years of an abusive marriage. Since my ex and I have children together, I would still like to keep things moderately friendly with his family. My predicament is this: I am Facebook friends with all of my in-laws. Is there a polite way to de-friend them so I can have a life not monitored by the ex's family?