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Mighty AphroditeDear Prudence counsels a lovelorn student and other advice seekers.

Posted Tuesday, April 21, 2009, at 4:54 PM ET

Emily Yoffe: I think if you post on Facebook, a handwritten note is still a good idea. There are things you might want to say privately that you wouldn't want to say on Facebook. And there might be things to say on Facebook about the deceased that other people would want to hear, or would enjoy contributing their own memories to.

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Akron, Ohio: My husband and I will soon be returning from a vacation in Europe and we wanted to stop in New York to see some friends and family. The problem is that when my husband called his buddy in New York to see if we could stay with him and his wife for four nights, his friend said we could only stay three. No matter the reason (small apartment, they're newlyweds, they have something to do that fifth day...), and none was given, this just feels like a big "you're not welcome." My husband and I agree that it's a strange thing to say. What if we had asked to stay five nights? I'm left with this sick feeling in my stomach about the whole thing, like I don't even want to see them or stop in NYC now. Should we just not go? Is it passive-aggressive to say, 'you know guys, we didn't want to impose so we'll just get a hotel'? (which we can't afford). Or should we just go with a smile and be gracious guests to people who seem like they don't want us there? It's weird because at their wedding about two months ago, the groom was asking continually, "When are you guys coming? You think you'll come up soon? Let us know when you guys wanna come up," etc. I know I should be thankful for the prospect of three free nights in NYC, but they're not running a hotel and I would expect better hospitality from someone my husband calls a best friend. This seemed like a no-brainer that got complicated for no discernible reason.

Emily Yoffe: Maybe they should have asked if the 300 thread count sheets would be suitable and inquired as to whether you like asparagus with your Eggs Benedict. Four nights of imposing on people -- especially in an apartment -- is a lot of imposing. Your friend told you forthrightly that they could put you up for three nights. There is absolutely no obligation on their part to offer an excuse why three is more than enough. In addition, this isn't a visit you're arranging at a mutually convenient time for the four of your to be together -- you're asking to use their place as a crash pad from which to conduct your social life with other family and friends. You need to think about how you came across. If you do stay, be gracious, take them out for dinner, get a lovely house gift, stay out of their hair. And if you don't stay with them, don't let it affect their friendship -- you are the ones who have been behaving presumptuously.

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Chicago: This is for my sister, who just called me in tears. She came home from the hospital yesterday with her second kid. My mother is there helping out. According to my sister, my mom and my brother-in-law have spent the last day snipping at each other, from my BIL losing his temper at something my mom did to my mom giving treats to my nephew after my BIL said no. My sister is ready to kick both of them out of the house. She talked to her husband and he apologized to her and to my mom, and even though he's irritated I think he'll stop picking at my mom.

But my mom! Even after my sister talked to her, she's being a little passive aggressive, saying things like "I guess other grandmas can spoil their grandkids, but not me". Or reprimanding my 2-year-old nephew by giving him the silent treatment. My sister is just fed up. She's called me crying three times in the last day. I have no idea what to tell her -- I have no kids and I'm not ever going to have our mom come visit me for two weeks! I told her to call our dad and have him talk to our mom, but she doesn't want to do that (my dad adores my sister and my mom is a little sensitive about their closeness). Any ideas?

Emily Yoffe: If everyone has a hard time getting along with Mom, a two-week visit after the baby is born does not sound ideal. It sounds as if BIL has to just let it go as far as treats, etc. are concerned. Sure grandparents shouldn't violate parents core child-rearing beliefs, but beyond that, let grandparents do their thing. But if Grandma likes to give the silent treatment to a two-year old, what an ordeal she must be. If she's going to stay, she should be given tasks. Go grocery shopping, cook meals, take the 2 year old to the playground, etc. And if it becomes intolerable, Grandma can always be told that with no one sleeping, it's just too stressful to have someone else in the house, and that it would be better to cut this visit short and do another one later.

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Arlington, Va.: Three words for the bride-to-be: Pick your battles. If there's something that really matters to you, draw a line in the sand. But if there's something you don't care as much about, give a little and let your mom have her way. This worked like a charm when I got married and had to deal with a very loving, but "involved" mother-in-law-to-be.

Emily Yoffe: Good advice. As long as Mom is going to be involved, decide on some things you don't really care about and she does that she can "win" at. This is why I'm hoping the bad economy will put a lid on wedding planning.

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Watham, Mass.: Dear Prudie, I work in the office of a construction firm and, for the most part, greatly enjoy my job and the people I work with. The one issue I do have a problem with is the fact some of the other people in the office use profanity while talking with the clients and when I have brought up the language in a meeting, I was told I need to "loosen up." I have always been lead to believe that it is inappropriate to use the "f-word" in a business environment and that it makes you less-than-professional. What are your thoughts? Am I being too uptight?

- Preferably Polite

Emily Yoffe: In general, you can't go wrong NOT using profanity in the work place. But there was the case of a woman who worked as a secretary for the writers of a raunchy sit com who filed a lawsuit saying their dirty language created a hostile working environment. She lost because a raunchy working environment was the whole point. Obviously in your firm for certain people with certain clients the F word works. You don't have to use it, but you've brought up the issue and been told it's not an issue. So forget it.

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baby shower dilemma: Dear Prudence,

I have received a baby shower invite for a coworker. Second baby (first girl). For presents, books are requested (yes, it says that right on the evite).

My boyfriend and I used to get together with her and her husband often, but they dropped us last year. Coworker is kind of a jerk/manipulative (even while not pregnant). I don't particularly want to go, but don't want to anger the beast either. Do we just suck it up, buy some books, and lose two hours from our weekend, or is there another option?

Thanks!